Not coping well

Hi David, and welcome to EC!

Can you see the irony in this? You don't want to hurt those near to you, however the reality is that if you don't take care of yourself and start to do things for you, you fear inflicting the greatest hurt you could ever inflict on your family.

Everyone would rather you be happy and gay than dead. Everyone. Given a choice, there isn't anyone you know who would choose dead. It's just that right now they probably don't realize that 'dead' is an option you've been contemplating. Otherwise they'd call you right now and tell you that you're perfectly fine the way you are - and that if you were meant to be gay, then be gay - darn it!

Not to say that what you're feeling isn't something that I've experienced myself. The idea that I was going to be a gay, divorced addict had me wanting to end it all as well. But I didn't. And 6 years later I'm living a life that is wonderful beyond my wildest dreams. So don't give up, and keep working on you - because you're worth it. (*hug*)

 

I think its time for you to give yourself the same care and love you give to others..you said it perfectly. Your wife sounds awesome...if not as your wife then perhaps as your best friend. Sometimes people dont need to leave our life...they just need to change roles. You will work it out. We all hurt those we love and care about, it happens even when we dont want it to. I am keeping a secret for my son and it will be extremely hurtful to his dad when his dad finds out. I have essentially had to "choose" who gets hurt and in this case I have chosen my wonderful husband because he is an adult and our son is only 16. We all hurt our loved ones. Its part of being a human. Its part of all relationships at some point. Give yourself a break. Dont despair because sometimes things are brighter just before dawn. This may be your saving grace in disguise.

 

Welcome aboard!!!! We are here to help and you do not need to go through this alone. If you have questions ask, if you have comments post away. You will find many of us share similar stories. I am in a high profile position at work and have had to navigate those waters as we'll and was also involved in a relationship with someone younger than me that ended abruptly. Most importantly I survived and am thriving.

If you need anything let us know,

Michael