I'm a 22yr old male. So I have accepted that I enjoy hooking up with men, I've only done it a couple times. I haven't told anyone about it, and don't really feel like i have too. I have an awesome life and lots of friends, I don't feel any pressure to say anything. If my friends/family figure it out on their own accord, whatever thats fine i'll deal with it. Here is my problem. Immediately after I finish (ejaculate), all sexual attraction I had towards my partner is lost. It's to the point that i'm literally grossed out by looking at him and I want to GTFO ASAP, even though I was super turned on by him moments before. It sucks because then i look like an asshole because i leave cause i feel super out of my element. the weird funk lasts for a few hours followed by guilt about my abrupt departure. I don't really understand it, I'm not ashamed of myself or actions or anything like that. I really just can't stand being in the presence of a naked dude for the few hours after i finish. imagine how a straight dude would feel if he woke up next to another naked dude, thats the best way i can describe the feeling. its becoming a reason i don't want to act on my desires. maybe its b/c i haven't had enough encounters.. idk, thoughts?
This situation sounds like it makes some sense. Your side bar says you're questioning and maybe it's coming from that somewhat. As you get aroused you say you feel really attracted to the guy, which makes sense since your body/brain is being stimulated by sexual arousal, but once the sexual arousal is decreased after ejaculation, there's going to be a bit of a shift and your body is going to return to a more 'normal' state where maybe you return to not being entirely sure of your orientation. Maybe as you become more sure of your orientation the problem will subside, but idk I'm just giving my two cents.
This actually is pretty normal, at least amongst heterosexual couples. After a man has sex with a woman, he goes through a time period (I believe for about 6 hours) in which he loses sexual attraction to the woman he just had sex with. The idea for it is that, from an evolutionary stand point, it is not worth the cost of energy and sperm to engage in intercourse again with the same female in which your seed is already inside, so for a time period the male loses his sexual drive towards the female. I don't believe your partner being a male should interfere with this natural biological reaction.
When you say "hooking up with men," I take it you mean mostly for sexual reasons (i.e., not forming long-term relationships). In this case, your main motive for having sex is having sex. When your done, your done. You have no more reason to hang around this person (even if you do think cuddling or whatever might be nice, ideally) so you start to want to ditch. After 2 years of an awesome sex life with my girlfriend, Ive started having more or less the same problem when I started doubting the relationship for entirely nonsexual reasons. Originally we'd have sex, and then Id want to stay around, not just to have more sex later, but because I really loved being with her, cuddling, etc. When things in other parts of the relationship started getting dull for me though, things changed. We go to different colleges, so wed be apart for a week or two between visits. When Id first get to her school, Id be super horny around her until we got in bed, and then the was sex just as good as always. But afterwards, I didnt feel like hanging around like I usually did, and would basically lose my sexual attraction towards her for the weekend. I'm sorry if Im making assumptions or anything for your case, I just see this as true a lot especially in the gay culture unfortunately. Being sexually liberated is great and all, and Im not condemning hooking up for sex in general per se, but when its clearly unsatisfying to the parties involved, thats when you should realize that sex by itself isnt always enough. And sense guys (regardless of orientation) are more interested in sex by itself on average, this is especially a problem in the gay culture.
You presumably have been really hungry, and gone to a restaurant and ordered some big sloppy dish of something. And then you eat to your heart's content, maybe even stuffing yourself somewhat. And then, if the waitress doesn't take the plate away for awhile, you can actually get a bit nauseous staring at the same thing you were so gung-ho to dig into just a few minutes ago. Same thing, really. My only suggestion is that you say something upfront. "I kind of have this hang-up where I completely and utterly lose interest in sex and the other guy after orgasm. I don't want you to take it personally or anything. In fact, I'll make sure you get off first, so I don't leave you hanging after I finish." Lex
I like the way lex talks about sex. It turns me on a little. And that little gargoyle grin is just irresistable. Mmm
Thanks for the responses guys. Yeah my sexual orientation compass is still a little wack, doesn't seem to always point the same direction. and yes i've never developed a meaningful relationship with the people i 'hook up' with so that could be a root of the problem. although, i've had sex with girls i don't have feelings for and i don't feel like i have to dipset afterwards, i actually enjoyed chillin in bed afterwards. i knew the girls more than the guys but like i said no deep feelings in either category. i don't think i could mentally handle a boy friend, outside of the bedroom i feel like i am wired like a straight person, i would feel really out of my element and weird going on dates with another dude. i wouldn't be able to be myself. i'll figure something out, no worries just taking it a day at a time. again appreciate the feedback, thanks fellas.
That's pretty common until someone actually attempts it. I used to think I could never be emotionally involved with a guy until I went out on a date with one and well... we're still together :3
I can't offer you explanations or insight, but I can say that you aren't alone. I have been a member on a site for bisexuals for several years, and in that time, I have read a number of posts describing exactly what you describe here. My best advice is not to worry too much about it, and just do what seems natural or best to you...and perhaps in time, the idea of hanging around after may seem better...or the interest in guys may lessen. Best wishes!
