Not at this age?

CE,

Consider starting a new thread. Given how long this thread is, reading through becomes difficult. With a new thread members can quickly focus on the topic at hand. Just a thought...


That said, looks like your progressing working through both shame and internalised homophobia. These emotions do not get resolved overnight, but working through them is key to fully embracing yourself and living your life authentically.

The journey your on seems to be taking you in the right direction. Your making yourself vulnerable and as you continue to do so you will build confidence and self esteem as a gay man.

Your views on what you one perceived as stereotypically gay are remenants of internalised homophobia. That you are gaining comfort with such personas is a true sign you are working on the internalised homophobia. Keep it up!

As far as your former life? Well, when something dies we all need to morn the loss. Sounds like that's what's happening.

Keep pushing forward!

 

I found this out the hard way:icon_sad:

 

I felt a sadness in realizing I really had no sexual interest in women. It's hard to explain but I guess it was letting go of a 'project' that I was trying to work on for years.
As I accepted myself as gay, the idea of sex with women naturally did start to become repugnant, and actually I became angry at my mask of hetrosexuality or recurring thoughts about women. I wanted them out.

I don't have a boyfriend yet but i can relate to so much of this. When I embraced my true sexuality my traditional masculine mask started to seem so unnatural.