Not at this age?

Thanks for that confusedeast as I read that lost and it makes a lot of sense and as I figure myself out I ameorming to be deeply honest with myself so a resolution with myself is the first thing I must accomplish

 

Congratulates what a wonderful post and thank you for sharing I hear your relief in your post

 

Liberation is powerful way to go , I am not there yet

 

Wow tattoo and possible piercing that is living and liberating I am sure way to go sounds like you are living that pent up youth that was deprived

 

That´s so exciting!

 

I am so happy for you! And I just love your last sentence.

 

Excellent thread. Been wrestling with my sexuality for the last 20 years. Got with girls , loved girls, enjoyed great sex, then sooner or later find myself having sex with my eyes closed and imagining being with a man. Told all of them some of my desires and they told me theirs, all of them wanted or had had lesbian sex, but were usually unimpressed with my revelations about men turning me on too. Usually then buried the issue and guiltily pretended i had never mentioned it. Sooner or later i would find myself single and promise myself that i would take a break from women and explore these feelings before having another girlfriend, to get them out of my system once and for all, and eventually did. It was a horrible meaningless fumble with a bi friend,who frankly was never really that much of a friend anyway,so i accepted that i was indeed mistaken. I was not bi or gay just curious. However this aroused a burning desire after some months, and i found myself watching gay porn again and literally aching for the sort of freedom and sexual acts these men were performing on each other.Found another woman, had two wonderful sons and 14 years, 10,000 boxes of tissues and dozens of keyboards later i find myself once again alone. Difference this time was i came out to myself, and said i am gay or maybe bi, but really think i prefer men. Felt amazing. Week long erections everytime i said it.
Still had only a few clumsy drunken fumbles to think about as i convinced myself that it was not for me as i could not feel emotionally attached to a man. 3 weeks ago that changed and i met a man that i truly fancied, his personality, sense of humour and we had chemistry. Unfortunately he left the bar and i haven't seen him since, but it opened a door for me and i feel proud to say i want a man in my life, a gay relationship and see a future happiness that has eluded me my whole life. I may never see him again, but i think he must have been an angel sent to say, Stop F****ing around, lifes too short, be you, I don't care anymore what anyone else sees as normal or how they judge me, it's a weird feeling and i have been a repressed English Dude on a small island of conservative dimwits off the south coast of England. I have no regrets as i think my path was to have two amazing sons first. I am 48 and feel like a virgin at the school disco again. loving every second. x

 

Very nice spartan for you to say that becaus today the world is more open minded which is awesome

 

Thanks Spartan. Perhaps its just my age, but the I.O.W. still seems a hard place to be gay. Not like you can meet likeminded people that easily , though i don't doubt there are plenty out there. Also having lived a hetero life and having many friends who all regard me as a family man it does mean a second layer of difficulty. Any ideas on Bars etc on the Island that are unofficial gay bars, as i am damned if i can find them. lol. Anyway sorry to hijack this thread.lol.x

---------- Post added 21st Feb 2017 at 05:18 PM ----------

Hi ,didn't get offended, was happy to see someone from the island. Just that i do find it annoying that i would like to have some likeminded friends and stuff, but as much as i work on my own feelings, the more i get annoyed that i can't start to act on them. In the past i lived in London for 9 years and although still in denial at that time, i loved the freedom of the city in that people could be themselves and now i am back to the place i grew up and out to myself only, i don't know where to go and what to do socially. I also don't want to come out to people, which makes things harder, but i wish my sex life to be my business, at least until i decide otherwise. Still early for me i guess. Be interesting what the island makes of a pride event! Been to a few in London and Brighton but had the anonymity factor and was with my Bi girlfriend at the time so pretended i was there to support her and her friends.

 

I would have replied to your private message but as i have not posted 10 posts yet it won't let me.x

 

Well, something to keep in mind is that you've now had months/years to come to grips with your sexuality. She had about ten minutes. It probably wasn't the best choice of words, certainly. Did she seem supportive otherwise? You don't mention her mumbling apologies and leaving, for instance...

Lex

 

yes! with women i had to fight to keep an erection...when i even think about guys or just acknowledging I am gay Viagra seems like the most unnecessary drug ever invented.

---------- Post added 24th Feb 2017 at 09:12 PM ----------

I went through this too. It felt incredibly good to admit I was gay, to come out, to finally face my primary sexual needs and not deny them anymore. Then the depression the doubt and fear would come. I think its when we're unconsciously facing new episodes or stages of coming out.

I didn't try to buy a swimsuit issue but an attractive woman started flirting with me and started to feel oh, well she's nice, she likes me so maybe I can just fall in love with her and avoid all the hassle of being gay...

but the question that kept me honest was : If i had no fear or no restrictions or wasn't 'worried' about other people's opinions and I had to go to bed with someone who would it be?

 

I haven't had this happen yet. You're coming out fast, and taking all the hits at once. If you know her well it might have been an unconscious phrase on her part, not meant to hurt but just an unguarded comment.