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Not able to stay erect, help

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by EdwardHelp, Dec 11, 2017.

  1. EdwardHelp

    Regular Member

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    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
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    Hello, everyone. It's my first time here and probably the first time I'll talk about this to someone besides my partner.

    So, I'm 24 years old, gay, and have been dating (exclusively) my partner about 9 months by now. We really care and love each other, and we're always really helpful. We will always listen to what the other has to say. We both don't like labels, so, if anyone asks about our roles in bed we just answer we're both versatile.

    We've been having some troubles in the bedroom. My partner, hadn't much experiencing on being penetrated, so we tried a couple of times but he wouldn't feel comfortable so I'd just stop and talk or do anything else. When we finally managed to do it, and I inserted my penis, I couldn't feel it. Even when I was going back and forward, I couldn't feel the sensation of my penis going through him (I've penetrated before and it didn't go this way, I could ejaculate inside my ex-partner).
    So, eventually, I lost my erection and apologized to him, while explaining the situation. He understood and we proceed with other stuff. Next time we tried, when I was getting him ready, I got this anxiety that I wouldn't be able to do it, and I'd lose my erection before or while I was putting my condom on, which would frustrate me a lot.

    I am currently doing a exchange program at another country three months by now, and have three months left of it until I go back home. We have sex through skype from time to time, and I can come easily with my hand. But when I think about the times I didn't manage to penetrate him I get really anxious, I feel a pain in my chest and I get nervous, which takes the erection away.
    This has really been killing me lately. And I've looked for answers everywhere. I'm really worried.

    Some info that I should add or mention:
    - I am circumcized, have been since the day I was born.
    - I used to masturbate without using spit or lotion (yes, I know this is stupid as hell, and I've read it can cause penile desensitization, so I've been using creams to treat the skin and I use lube whenever I masturbate).
    - I have never bottomed yet. (I'm a bit scared, thought I find it appealing. And I've realized that it turns me on when I'm masturbating, the thought of being penetrated by my partner. But I'm afraid that that'll mean that I won't be able to penetrate my partner anymore).
    - It's become really difficult to get hard thinking about penetrating someone. I always get the pain on my chest which kills the mood.

    I have no idea what's wrong with me.
    Is it that I have not enough sensitivity on my penis? Is it some kind of internalized homophobia? Could it be that I'm predisposed to be an only-bottom?

    Please, I'm really scared and confused. Thanks.
     
  2. Totesgaybrah

    Full Member

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    To get used to bottoming, you and your partner should (separately) experiment with a dildo and/or your fingers.
    Start really slow and use a bunch of lube.
    You have to learn how to relax. Start with one finger and go from there. You’ll understand more how everything works back there by using a finger.

    The problems you’re having with keeping an erection are most likely due to the anxiety you are having.
     
  3. EdwardHelp

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Thanks for the answer.

    I also think the reason might be anxiety and how I'm obsessing too much with the fact that I'm going to fail again. I just wish there were a guideline on how to overcome this.