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Non-Traditional Divorce

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by HappyStartsNow, Apr 10, 2016.

  1. HappyStartsNow

    Regular Member

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    Hello Everyone,

    I am new here and just wanted to share a little of my story. I am 37 and have been in the process of coming out for some time.

    When I was 17, I told my therapist I was gay. She asked me if I wanted children someday and I told her yes. She told me that I couldn't be gay then, that I only felt that way because I had been sexually abused. So, I got married to my best friend.

    Over the years I suffered from incredible depression and couldn't seem to get through it. I was diagnosed with several mental illnesses, put on a plethora of medications, none of which eased my pain.

    Last year I decided I needed to either end my life, or look deep within and find some answers. I am glad I chose to live, because life has only got better. Cliché, yes...but it's true. I found an amazing psychologist who has helped me sort through everything and come to terms with the fact that I am gay. I am now at the point where I am filing for divorce.

    My husband is my best friend and has always been my source of support and stability. Even after making the decision to divorce, this remains true. We both want the other to be happy. So, we are walking the path of divorce in a non-traditional manner.

    I have just been accepted into nursing school in the fall, a two-year program that will require a lot of time and I will not be able to work full time and be successful (I could, but then I wouldn't ever see my children, or sleep). For financial reasons, it makes sense for both of us that I remain in the home until my education is completed. We have essentially been living together, separately, all these years anyhow.

    We have decided not to tell anyone until after our divorce is final because we don't want drama. I know that there are people who are going to say this situation isn't going to work, it will be confusing for the kids, it will cause bitterness in our relationship. I think as long as we continue to be respectful of one another and continue to openly communicate, we will be okay.

    Has anyone else had a non-traditional type of divorce? Any suggestions or advice?

    Best,

    J
     
  2. Bunny45

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    As long as you are both wanting a divorce, and are together for financial reasons I don't see any reason why it wouldn't be ok. There are lots of people who end up in that situation both straight and gay. From your husbands perspective having a ex wife who is finacially stable and able to support the kids is a huge bonus and will take a lot of stress away.
     
  3. CapColors

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    Kudos to you and your husband for figuring stuff out! I have hope for you.
     
  4. dinosaur34

    Regular Member

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    Thanks for posting this! I have identified as bi until a couple months ago, when I started talking to my husband about being "confused" about my sexuality--long story short, apparently I am the last to know that I'm not straight or even bi. Hmm. Anyway, my husband and I are in the early stages of what will likely be a similar situation to what yours sounds like. We want our family to be together, we don't want to make a big damn deal about the divorce until maybe it's all done and people see how it's working, etc. We are best friends, and it's just a bad time financially and logistically for us to physically separate and divorce for several reasons.
    So, onward! Best of luck to you, I'm sure we will all be fine!