This is a serious question for me. The idea of Top and Bottom is common in gay culture but it's always in a sexual sense. I thought I read at some point that these terms are applied to social interactions as well (at least in a way). Is this true and I guess, regardless what is the etiquette on interacting men in a known gay / queer space? Some background: This question is one I've had on my mind for a while; mostly when I interact with guys it's straight guys who don't know I'm Bi. So, I've gotten accustom to that behavior but I can't imagine that would work with a gay guy. Especially one of "interest". This lead me to this question. I realize I have a lot to "relearn" on this front. Thanks for any info or insight.
I see you're in the US - I don't know what things are like over there, but here, back when I used to go to gay parties/clubs, there were pleaces/events that would ask people to wear a simple plastic bracelet that would indicate your preference. I don't think there are specific behaviors... at least, I'm personally not aware of any. You just ask.
Back in my teenage years, when I was still pretty naïve about all things LGBT, I assumed that outside of physical intimacy, the "top" would remain the dominant, alpha gay in the relationship and the "bottom"would be the slightly more submissive one, choosing to hide behind the alpha or in the shadows, more introvert. But it wasn't until much I later I learnt I was quite wrong. Top, Bottom, Versatile and Side, among other terms, can exist in and outside a bedroom or relationship, but they don't necessarily describe a personality in total. You can potentially be the "top"in one physical relationship, but choose to be a "bottom"in your next one, depending on the person you're with and the circumstances. On the other hand, you could be a person who is more comfortable with the idea of "topping" or "bottoming" in all or many of your relationships. That said, I'm not entirely sure, how much of the "top", "bottom" culture would show in a social interaction scenario, since most of the "top", "bottom" stuff I've come across was limited to the bedroom.
I think you might be getting some ideas from yaoi and fanfic. Most homosexuals I know switch it up. Heck, most straight couples I know switch things up. Some people might prefer one position or the other, but for most that isn't a lifetime thing like it is in stories, and most of the time, it has no bearing outside the bedroom. There are exceptions to every rule of course, but while the seme/uke mechanics have become popular due to manga and anime, most real life homosexuals aren't so two dimensional. Now in some club settings, they give out bracelets or cards or some identifier to say what you're looking for, or what you're interested in. But that doesn't lock you in, you can always change your mind.
Other then asserting that the terms are applied to social interactions, I never said how they are applied. I've no idea what yaoi is and I've never read fanfix. Regardless, I certainly agree that whether straight, gay or whatever, most couples switch up social interactions and I'd expect (and have seen) the same out of a gay couples. Nevertheless, I am asking to understand social norms or conduct within gay bars or the "out in the community" in meeting-folks scenarios. For example, in a traditional bar an interested guy would offer to buy a lady of interest a drink. The inverse can occur but that is not the (socially common) norm. Although, I admit more common today then ever before. I'm asking about similar behaviors in gay bars and other collective gatherings. I suppose both of you are saying that top/bottom doesn't apply to social interactions. But then i guess, I'd like to understand common social protocol and how it's different from what I've "learned". Sorry if my initial question wasn't clear or focused too much on the terms top/bottom.
There really aren't any social norms. In pretty much any aspect of gaydom (have I created a new word?) That being said, despite both being vers, when my fiance is being more masculine/dominant acting in public I'm far more likely to want to bottom for him when we get home so...I guess it has some subconscious effect maybe.
If you were to be in a club that was having a say leather night the different colors of gear might mean different things. Like a black leather harness trimmed in blue leather might mean the person wearing it was a bottom. Likewise, years ago there was the hanky code. The color of hanky hanging out of your back pocket and the side of pocket, left or right, you chose to wear it in stated what you were looking for in the bedroom. Starting around WW2, if you were in a club and not sure if another person was LGBT you might ask them discretely if they "Were a friend of Dorothy?" Code to find out. Judy Garland played Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, a known supporter of LGBT people of the era when being gay could get one arrested and beat by the cops. Pretty sure society was more accepting in the 20's and 30's then the 40's and 50's ect. As far as social norms, I think I agree with Destin, all depends on individual relationships? D
