I feel like openly coming out as non-binary in public is kinda confusing because there's no...typical idea behind what a "non-binary person" looks like. And that leads to miscommunication and misgendering from others who mostly recognize the images of the stereotypical "man" and "woman." So they tend to categorize people into "man" and "woman" boxes subconsciously by comparing their appearances to the ideal "man" or "woman." But with non-binary...well, there is no real image of the non-binary person because you can kinda mix-n-match across gender identities into what feels right for you. ...Which is great but the problem is, I'll either be gendered as a trans-male or female in societies eyes because my vision of non-binary is unrecognizable to them. At this point, I'll just wear a pin that says "my pronouns are they/them/theirs" to give a hint to other people.
I get where you're coming from. I myself must admit that I have fallen prey to the binary ways of the world; since I am a more masculinely aligned nonbinary pal I let my family refer to me as a boy. He/him pronouns, masculine family roles (son, nephew, etc). This makes it especially confusing when I show up to family events more femme presenting than socially acceptable for a boy. What I've found makes me feel a little bit better is confusing the fuck outta people. I like to look as androgynous as I can. And by that I mean that I aspire to look SO GENDER VOID that when I walk into a store the person won't know whether to say sir or ma'am. Thus, I shall provide you with some of my androg tips: Hats, glasses, bangs that touch your eyebrows or even come past them, anything that they don't allow in passport photos? Experiment with those. The reason they aren't allowed is because they obscure your face. This is good for masking any "telling" masc or femme features. Layers. I know it's summer bu- wait. You're in Australia. So it's actually winter for you... perfect! Okay, so layers are gonna be your best friend. They hide curves (or lack thereof) giving you a generally more androgynous look. Button ups. Button ups are some of the most gender neutral clothing out there. Additionally, depending on sleeve length and pattern, they can be casual or formal, and worn open or closed. Binding/tucking. Binding is a technique used by afab people to minimize the appearance of breasts. Tucking is a technique used by amab people to minimize the appearance of a penis. (I explain these terms as I am not sure what you are familiar with nor what your assignment at birth is.) Not having any distinguishing "bumps" would help ambiguify your gender. Is that even a word? Am-ambigu... I mean to make more ambiguous. At the end of the day we live in a very binary society so a lot of being nonbinary is learning to shrug off casual accidental misgenderments and getting confident in correcting people. Almost no one looks at a person and goes "I think that's a nonbinary person," so chances are you're gonna have to fortify and find an easy way to correct people. Some ideas that might work: Just blurting out your pronouns whenever someone gets it wrong; "oh yeah so he just-" "THEY!" "... what?" "I'm a they/them." Working your pronouns into your introduction; "Hi I'm y/n! My pronouns are they/them. And you are?" Just asking another person's pronouns Casually mentioning that you're nonbinary; (I couldn't think of any examples... sorry.) Hope this helps!
Yeeee, THANK YOU SO MUCH! I'm so glad to have read the comment of someone who goes through a very similar feeling. And yeah, I was thinking about trying to present myself as much androgynous as possible to confuse people about my gender but didn't really know how to go through with that. Thanks so much! I was lowkey thinking about wearing a pin around that says "ask about my pronouns," and I have a hairstyle which is really short on one end and longer on the other as an asymetrical bob because that kinda looks neutral? Idk, and sometimes I do bind, I just prefer not to do that in the summer or wear a binder for too long because it hurts my chest after a little while. Thanks so much again! And I wish you all the best!
