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No more excuses (divorce)

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Fuzzy, Mar 10, 2020.

  1. Fuzzy

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    It has taken me a while to go from realizing my marriage is over to talking to my husband about it and I still haven't gotten to the point of pushing for the signing of divorce papers. Until now, there were "reasons" to hold off. With the exception of work being busy, I am out of excuses and need to make something happen. I feel frozen and scared of what it means for my kids and how resistant my husband will be and what he will push for with issues of kids and money. Anyone else in a similar place in life and want to talk?
     
  2. Caraldo

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    I finally got divorced 3 weeks ago. She was quite resistant, but she was knowingly married to a gay man for many years, and she didn’t see why that had to change. But, once the process moved along (the kids and I left a couple years ago, but we didn’t actually file until June 2019), she started to realize the toll our marriage was taking on her. Any questions you might have feel free to ask.
     
  3. LaurenSkye

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    I've never been married, myself, but I wish you both the best as you go through these somewhat difficult times.
     
  4. Fuzzy

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    I haven't explicitly talked about it in months... I need to get past my fear and anxiety and talk about it with my husband. I need to state that I waited past the time he requested and I am ready to move on. Of course he will find a reason it isn't a "good idea," but I can't let this drag on forever. I wish I had a friend I felt like I could talk to.
     
  5. Fuzzy

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    With everything shutting down, I better call a courthouse and find out if the divorce process is affected...
     
  6. 1cgd

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    Mine finalized a few months ago but we agreed we’d divorce in the same conversation I told her I’m gay.
     
  7. silverhalo

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    Hey I can understand why you have been putting it off its not an easy conversation to have but you definitely sound ready. Maybe you could start by asking when would be a good time to have a talk to him about something. Then when he give you a time, take a deep breath, and be honest. Long term it doesnt sound like the relationship is going to be positive for either of you, even if he is reluctant at the moment.
     
  8. Michael

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    Changes in life are scary, that's why we keep finding excuses not to do it.

    I'm single, never been married, but I've listened to many divorced friends, also with kids, and I've witnessed my parents going through a divorce, I still remember how it went, quite civilized, but still not something that made them happy for a long time. After a few months (in one case) and years (on the other case) my parents eventually found happiness. Looking back, I am glad they decided to part ways. I also fully support their decisions, as they have chosen very intelligent, caring and good human beings. I was very, very lucky, and so they were, but it took time to get there, time and guts.

    The main worries are the well being of children and finances. It's a stressful situation and will take a toll on you. The best is to try and reach out, see if you can find a support group in real life. To talk to us will help as well, don't keep it all to yourself.

    Everything is shutting down, that's a shame, I can totally relate. Keep yourself and your children safe.

    Don't see it as a fight against your partner, see it as a process to make your life and the life of your children better.
     
  9. IrishJ

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    Married here, getting ready to head down the path of separation, with impending divorce. Kids, finances, fear, abandonment, isolation. You name it. I am terrified to say the least. I have been in therapy off/on for years, tried to leave 2 years ago - wife reacted by holding a knife to her wrist. Here I am 2 years later, no more excuses, still shaking in my shoes to the point that I cannot move forward. Fortunately I have therapy this morning.
     
  10. LostInDaydreams

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    It must very hard to be in this situation under the current circumstances. It was bad enough living with my ex when I was free to leave the house.

    Stay strong. You’ll get there. Fingers crossed for sooner than later.
     
  11. Fuzzy

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    I finally started the conversation a few days ago. I will be looking into the paperwork soon. I hope to file by the end of the week if possible.
     
    silverhalo and LostInDaydreams like this.
  12. Fuzzy

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    I filed last week and I was told it would only take a few weeks. The process is a lot faster than I anticipated. Now I need to figure out how to "come out" to everyone about it.
     
  13. Really

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    Hey Fuzzy,

    Have you seen this video about Coming Out? It’s very interesting because it addresses other things besides our sexuality. Worth a look :}

    Ash Beckham. We’re all hiding something.
     
  14. Fuzzy

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    No, I have not. I will need to check it out when I get the chance. It
     
  15. LostInDaydreams

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    How’s it going, @Fuzzy?
     
  16. Fuzzy

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    Still just waiting to hear from the judge. It feels surreal and I'm finding myself having irrational doubts about it. It feels like a mistake, but I know things will not return to how a marriage should be and that this situation isn't healthy for our kids and life needs to go on... things feel weird.
     
  17. LostInDaydreams

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    I’ve not been through a divorce - my ex and I weren’t married - but imagine occasional doubts are normal. It’s a significant change.
     
  18. Fuzzy

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    Well apparently there was information missing. Ug... I'll have to see what info is missing...
     
  19. LostInDaydreams

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    Hopefully it’s easy to sort out.