No Labels

Well said!

Alas, life isn’t so simple and humanity needs everything to be labelled. It is part of our very existence as annoying as it is.

When I was younger I nearly had a breakdown trying to fathom out my labels. I have had to find the nearest labels to how I feel but these always change. I am diverse, my sexuality has changed over time (some would argue and say that’s not possible but they aren’t me and they haven’t lived my life). As for my gender ... well I doubt there will ever be a label for it.

I think labels for sexuality and gender have gone far too bloody in-depth too these days. It’s like you have to scour an endless list of variations and choose those that are relevant to you at that moment in time.

I’d rather live my life and just be me and love who I love.

When we find someone we connect with we don’t bring out a list and say “I’m this and this and this with a twist of that. We just get on with it! Well I have.

I don’t care what pronouns people use for me either lol

They’re just words.

Humans live in sections and subsections, with labels for this and labels for that. It’s tedious but that’s just the way it is.

My only true label reads:
“Wash at 30 degrees, dry flat and use cool iron to remove wrinkles”

 

For the most part I agree with you, but we know some people feel the overwhelming need to place a label on their sexual or gender identity and unless they can they feel in a state of flux with everything. Maybe the day will come when we no longer need labels, but I don't see it happening while people continue to make assumptions.

Interestingly I was asked by a new (young) colleague last week if I had a girlfriend or boyfriend. It's the first time I can remember someone not jumping to conclusions about my sexual identity and it allowed for a much more open conversation. Having said that, I know I give off vibes, so he probably thought it best to keep an open mind.

 

Now this is a very good post. It’s what we actually want to hear. Down to earth honest, simple yet reassuring.

 

Labels don't just divide us. They also combine us into an array of different groupings, helping us to find those who are like us.

I think for some of us in the LGBT community, myself included, the struggle to accept the label of "gay" as a personal identity has been life-long, and to finally reach a place of acceptance for being gay causes the label to have much meaning for me. I do agree with you in spirit, and I know that if labels had never been a "thing" in my childhood years, I would never have needed a closet to come out of. For me, though, being able to identify with the label "gay" is everything to me. - I'm gay.

 

Labels are for products, boxes and luggage. Not human beings.

I absolutely agree with this. I'm faintly amused by the endless variations the younger generation (I can say that as a 51 year old!) seem to concoct.

Beth

 

I’m so glad someone understood me! I’m also 51 and each year more labels are added to the already ridiculous amount that exist. I don’t know whether I’m a hemidemisemibiromantic or just bi lol

 

Labels .. I hate them ... I had to sit through a course in work on labels ... and being “correct” .. flippantly it was like a menu from a decent cocktail bar .. take a inch of ingredients and mix with others in different quantities and a bit of this with a dash of that, shaken or over ice ..serve and enjoy ... then order another one .. I have no idea what I am and I can say i’m really struggling to work it out .. I personally don’t want that many options. I just want to feel loved and alive.

 

I believe that labels are for communicating, without words to label/describe no one would be able to say anything to anyone. I do not think that they should define or limit us and that people should be free to change them if what they have been using no longer works for them. Also, people who hate are going to hate regardless of labels. If people do not want to use any labels for something that is their choice though.

An analogy demonstrating the usefulness of labels. If I tell someone that I am going to bring them apples to help them make their fruit salad. Then they start creating the salad by cutting up other fruits like bananas etc. Then when I get to their place I hand them a bag of Tomatoes (which I have never seen in a fruit salad). That person will likely respond with disappointment and tell me that they are not apples. If I say "hey I hate labels because they limit us, these are red, round and fruits so I call them Apples" it is not going to solve the persons disappointment that I did not properly communicate what I am bringing for them.

 

I like your analogy. It kind of makes sense in a way. But don’t you think we have too many labels and the number is increasing day by day that we can’t keep up with who’s who’s. If like apple or tomato is called many different things how can people even know what it is anymore.
Sexuality sometimes is as confusing as it is complicated and a lot of people don’t even know the differences between sexual attraction or behavior and sexual orientation. Because it’s very subtle. How can we memorize all those labels and know what they mean without actually getting confused.

 

I gave up with the LGBT labels ages ago. People tell me what they are and I have to “look it up” half the time.

The labels complicate everything. I wondered what the hell a demisexual was for ages until finally I looked it up only to find that it’s just a label for being someone who emotionally bonds with someone before they feel like they want to have sex with them. Yes that’s me. Another label to my list lol

But do I really need that label? No. If I’m going to bond with someone then I’ll do it before I choose to have sex. If someone just randomly wants sex with me then I’d tell them to bugger off lol

I’m also a bloody idiot. Do I need to announce that to anyone? No, they usually figure it out for themselves

 

46 terms and counting...
And the acronym is now LGBTQIA+....
So in like two or three years or more what would those be I wonder.
This is not a rant or criticism by the way on inclusivity. Just a mention of the state of things. but honestly how will all the new generations and the ones to come understand all this.

 

I 100% agree with you!

Yes, things have to be labelled but by the heck, It’s difficult enough without making things even more complicated.

 

Apples are also called Granny Smith, Red Delicious, ... (over a hundred others)
Tomatoes are also called Beefsteak, Roma, ... (over a hundred others)

Yes and no as far as labels. I get that it can complicate things but finer gradation can also help. I use demisexual panromantic both of which tell more detailed things about me rather than saying Bisexual but which also cause me to be accused of being a "snowflake" (a method of ridiculing someone by using an insult from a book about highly toxic men (it was a book before it was a movie)).

Where does one stop? My parents believe that heterosexual and cis are simply labeled "normal" and everything outside of that is "pervert", I think all of us here would agree that is limiting labels too far. I am going to keep using my more descriptive labels but I also accept that other people will refuse to do so and will sometimes even use labels that to me do not properly describe themselves (like a man who has sex with men calling himself straight, if he asks me his orientation after saying he has sex with both men and women I will indicate that is bisexual (or something like heteroflexible) but if he refuses to call himself anything but straight I will walk away and ignore it as it is not worth continually arguing)

 

Yes! it's not a restricting 'label' - I think for many of us who repressed our sexuality or were in denial, identifying as gay is not restricitng- its freeing our selves from internalized homophobia/denial.

I will never forget the time I worked up the courage to walk to the mirror, look myself in the eyes and say "I am gay" -it was one of the most intense emotional experiences of my life.

 

There seems to be a situation where we see a lot of double standards in regards to or maybe misunderstanding of sexual behavior versus sexual orientation, as well as people trying to label other people or call them closeted or in denial.
So like if a girl kisses another girl that’s considered sexy and not necessarily a gay or bi thing. If a gay guy sleeps with women, will that make him a closeted straight person?. And if straight people are having same sex acts, they automatically have to become gay or bi in the eyes of people.
Why are some people so hung up about the intimate act vs identity or orientation of person? And some not so much.

These and other issues are being brought forward by Dr. Joe kort. And a heated debate ensued online, after he released some videos talking about them.

He also says that labels are important when a person chooses them by himself. Not when they are imposed onto a person.

I am on the fence on some of these topics. but I just thought to mention them as they seem to fit with the topic of discussion in this thread.

And this post does not mean in any way to take lightly the struggles of the LGBTQ community. Yes a lot of people can fall prey to discrimination and even persecution.
And that is not acceptable nor should be condoned. Just wanted to add this for clarity.

 

This seems especially true to me. The label "queer" also falls into this category, I believe. Many people have taken the word "queer" and adopted that as an identity, but to be called "queer" by others seems more demeaning.

 

The problem with labels is when they are used to define someone rather than as a method to communicate. My boyfriend hates when gay is used as an adjective. Such as being described as the "gay engineer". He's rather tall so why isn't he the "tall engineer"? He is OK with being gay or having others know that he is gay. Also, with those labels sometimes comes expectations of behavior. My experience was at a gay ski week and I was told I didn't act gay. I don't know what that means because I don't know how a gay person acts.

One of the issues I have had coming out to a broader audience as a bisexual is that I just want to live my life as open and honestly as I can. I don't need others to use their interpretation of a label and apply it to me and use it to judge me. I hug my boyfriend and hold hands with him. I do the same with my wife. No one needs me to tell them I am now wearing this label that says "bisexual" on it so they can put me in some category.

 

I think this is a great distinction to make.

I understand what he says about 'straight guys who have sex with men' - but personally, when I read that I latched onto it to feed my own denial. Oh I am just a straight guy who has gay fantasies...
That 'might' be true for some people - but again, personally, I was grasping onto to anything but the obvious - that I am gay.

 

Hate speech, Disparaging comments, discrimination or any other comments that are meant to create or spread hatred towards certain groups in society are unfortunately not uncommon. And when some one uses even a label or an orientation in a hostile tone or derogatory and antagonizing manner. That’s even worse. That’s why and am guessing here why some people don’t like to be labeled because it may signal them out more and makes them a target for hate speech or discrimination or disparaging remarks or worse in some countries, when they only want to be themselves and live their life in peace just like any other human being.

There is only so much a person can take. Even the process of actually being comfortable with one’s own sexuality is not easy. Let alone having to deal with external hate.

Even though people’s acceptance of others people sexuality has improved immensely over the years. There are still some groups who hate and discriminate and in some countries they have it worse.

So what are the alternatives?

Maybe people need to look at sexuality in a different way. Like separating what we do sexually from who we are as a person. When we are not defined by our sexuality. Like oh that gay engineer or whatever orientation that’s not straight.

I have never heard someone being referred to as the straight doctor for example.

Will we in the near future get to that point I wonder?


Also I want to mention @Nickw’s point about not acting in a certain way. Why does someone have to act a certain way to be accepted or defined as such and such. Is that what we want to be a stereotype? Why can’t we just be ourselves.