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Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by I'mStillStanding, Oct 16, 2020.

  1. I'mStillStanding

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    Do we have the name of this therapist? Asking for myself lol I’m totally joking hahahaha

    For me, I find it hard to keep a therapist for longer than a year. They tend to fall in love with me lol not really but they seem to become friends and while I really like them and aren’t anti friends with people... when things start getting too gray I gotta change therapist because I need a safe space for me you know.... Not a girlfriend hangout but someone I feel challenges me and pushes me and such...
     
  2. Chip

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    Ugh. This is SO disappointing to hear. And not the norm. Or what you should expect. I had one therapist for almost 5 years, and our relationship always stayed professional, she was good at holding me accountable and pushing me where needed all the way through. I had another for almost as long (many years later) and, while it got a little more casual toward the end, it always remained professional and she was always good at making me do the work.

    I totally agree with you that if the boundaries become blurred, you have to solve that immediately. And, really, it should be the therapist's responsibility to do that but... sometimes they don't notice, or sometimes they unconsciously are seeking out more of a friendship-type role. It is reasonable and appropriate for you to point this out and ask to reset the boundary, but if the therapist can't do that (and some can, and some cannot) then it is definitely time to find a new therapist.
     
  3. I'mStillStanding

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    My mom actually goes to the same clinic and one of the employees told her how they all love me and and wish I wasn’t a patient so we could actually hang out... she told my sister who’s a social worker... who called me pissy about it. I’m like what can I do? I’m the same guy with everyone. I make jokes, I ask about your day, I smile... even my regular doctors... I can be dying in the hospital with an iv as my only source of nutrients and I’m going to ask everyone who comes in how they doing and make a joke (Legit happened)... it’s just me. So it’s kinda my fault I guess. I do make it easy to blur the lines. But luckily my therapist have been great at finding a replacement that works and filling them in on me... and how much they hate losing me lol but still. It would be nice to have a long term thing...
     
  4. Chip

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    YIKES! First, they should not even be acknowledging that you are a client. Even if your mom knows, it's still a HIPAA violation. Second, even if it is obvious your mom knows, it would NEVER, EVER be appropriate to tell her anything at all about how anyone (staff, therapists, etc) feel about you. Grossly inappropriate. Therapeutically bad. I would strongly suggest you discuss this with your therapist, and if there's anything other than horror from your therapist, then the culture of that clinic is not appropriate. This starts to make more sense about why you have had issues with the therapists being too friendly after a few months... it sounds like the culture of the agency is really poor.

    It is in NO WAY your fault. It is 100% on the agency and the individual therapists. It is their own countertransference that's causing the issue. Every therapist has clients they connect with more or less than others. That's human nature. But a well-trained therapist knows to notice when they are having those feelings and talk to their supervisor about it and process the countertransference. It should NEVER be obvious to the client. The client should certainly never be told that.

    When you find a therapist that actually has decent professional boundaries, it should not be an issue. Nor should you have to, in any way, change how you behave or interact. Nor is it appropriate for them to tell you that they hate losing you. Therapists are (or... should be...) trained to deal with far more difficult issues with interaction and boundaries than a client who is friendly and concerned about others' welfare. Your personality should be a walk in the park for a competent therapist. I shudder to think how these folks handle anyone who has a serious personality disorder that impacts interpersonal interaction.
     
    #24 Chip, Oct 31, 2020
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2020
  5. KeLeWi

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    If you've had any kind of experiences in childhood that still bother you, I'd say that therapy is definitely helpful. Congratulations on all of the positive changes you have made in your life and are continuing to make! Your best life is definitely coming!
     
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  6. I'mStillStanding

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    It’s really our location I think... everyone’s likes that. Doctors offices even. We live in such a rural small town area everyone knows everyone and it just tends to happen I think.

    I’m starting to feel like a care bear lol for real haha I mean even mom has always fussed at me for how I act at a doctors... she’ll say, they don’t realize how sick you are because you smile and make jokes to make them life and talk to them like a normal person... I’m like they are people so why not be normal lol...

    Anyway... I think I slipped back into taking responsibility for everyone else’s actions no matter and making excuses for those around doing things that even bother me... same story different version...
     
  7. I'mStillStanding

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    For sure... I’m just realizing that there may never come a day that my child hood may not bother me in some way...

    Thanks :slight_smile: my fav thing you said is my best life is coming... they say these are the best times of your life talking about school (high school and college) but that wasn’t true for me or how I feel... each year seems that way to me cause it gets better and better :slight_smile: I don’t think that’ll ever change personally and I love that :slight_smile: I would hate to think I’ve peaked
     
  8. brainwashed

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    Oh you want results! And you want to grow. Spectacular.
     
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  9. Chip

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    The size of the town or the location has nothing to do with the need to comply with Federal law. The fines for HIPAA violations are enormous... $10,000 per violation enormous. I guarantee you that every employee in that office has at least some training about HIPAA. I talk to professionals all over the country, from the largest cities to the tiniest towns. Every one of them complies with HIPAA. The only places that don't are poorly run by people with no boundaries. This is something you can, and very reasonably should, ask for, and there should not be the slightest question. If anyone -- you, any other patient, former employee, etc -- were to file a complaint, the clinic would likely have tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars in fines. The law is serious and has big teeth, for a reason.


    This would be something to discuss with your therapist.
     
    #29 Chip, Nov 11, 2020
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2020
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  10. justaguyinsf

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    I really resonate with your comment about therapists failing to challenge or take an active role in psychotherapy. I think those who practice psychodynamic therapy are probably the most likely to letting things drift because they like the steady paycheck and they think that providing soothing comments is enough. I've had a bit more luck with my current therapist because she's comfortable with my taking the lead in changing my schedule depending on my needs and whether I think I have something helpful to talk about ... which avoids those unproductive sessions where you arrive with nothing to talk about. But not all therapists are as understanding, perhaps because they like/need the steady income or don't want to try to see the situation from their patient's point of view.
     
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  11. I'mStillStanding

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    Guys I’m back for an update... so I stopped going to the Therapist office I was at... I’d been a little frustrated a bit as y’all know and it seemed that @Chip was right. The environment wasn’t gonna help me move forward how I wanted to. I have since come off all my anxiety and depression meds which makes me soooooooo happy! I’ve got back on the losing weight track and doing super well...

    I’ve also got a job offer and will start working on Monday!!!! I’m soooooo excited. This is gonna let me get out the house and make some money. It’s gonna open the door for me to get my certification as a health coach (something I’m so ready for). By the end of the year I hope to be moving into the field I wanna work in, moving out and away from the south, and be where I wanna be weight wise! It’s been a long journey and I’m starting to feel like I’m finally getting over the hump I’ve been struggling with :slight_smile:
     
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  12. Chip

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    That's fantastic news! I'm glad you're taking positive steps. Are you going to pursue therapy somewhere else? I think that would be a positive step as well.
     
  13. I'mStillStanding

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    :slight_smile: I’m soooooo excited. This is def gonna be the year for me. Most def getting back into therapy :slight_smile: I’ve found a therapist I wanna try... hoping I’m able to get in the next few weeks :slight_smile: