I am in my 30s and am just realizing that I think I'm attracted to women. I came to the conclusion a few years ago that I wasn't attracted to men, so I figured I must be asexual, lol. I've never dated the same sex and had very little experience with the opposite sex (can count on 1 hand the number of people I've gone on a date with, never made it past a 3rd date, etc). I think dating in general is hard for me due to several issues. 1) Super conservative religious upbringing 2) Social anxiety. 3) Lack of experience. 4) Feeling awkward/socially awkward/inexperienced/self-conscious 5) Not being able to accept compliments, being terrified when someone shows interest in me. 6) I don't know how to flirt. 7) I'm used to being alone. -> I am working on this in therapy, but it's a lot. My therapist suggested that I get on a dating app to explore my new feelings for women. So I joined an app yesterday. A woman messaged me "hey cutie." I replied "hey, how are you" and she replied with a sexy pic. I almost had a panic attack because of how quickly that escalated. My therapist said it's good to get out of my comfort zone. But I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Is that the best way to start? I'm not expecting the first woman I go out with to be my soulmate, but I'm not really ready to jump in and I want to be clear that I'm not ready/DTF yet. How do I respond to something like that? Should I put something in my profile about never having been with a woman or wanting to take things slow? I put my orientation as "queer/questioning." I am kind of freaking out.
If you aren't looking for just a hook up, you're probably best just to ignore the people that immediately send sexual pictures or want snapchat. It sounds cold, but if she made zero effort, why should you? While your therapist is right, it's good to get out your comfort zone, being on a dating app and talking to women is just that No need to be super sexual if that is not your thing! Personally, I think the beginning of dating is fake it until you make it, don't sell yourself short. The "questioning" part should be enough regarding letting them know you have little experience.
Maybe you picked the wrong app? If the site/app you chose is more centered on casual hookups it might not be the best for you. I do not use dating sites (and I don't use ANY apps) because I found that it was impossible for me to meet anyone who actually wanted to get to know me. I do know that some of them allow you to indicate whether you are only interested in casual sex or if you want to develop a relationship or get to know the person first. You might want to look for such a site/app and clearly indicate that you are not interested in something casual. If after even indicating that you are looking for more someone does move too fast you can simply ignore them as HM03 said. Stretching yourself or getting out of your comfort zone might be good but that does not mean you have to instantly jump into the deep end of the pool (metaphorically speaking).
