1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

new to the "texting game"

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by CL1990, Nov 5, 2018.

  1. CL1990

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2015
    Messages:
    306
    Likes Received:
    52
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    im very new to dating and im finding this whole texting game very frustrating...i met this girl and we are staying in touch and with plans to meet up as she lives 2 hours by train from me...i find it difficult to sense if she still likes me as its its a month since i last saw her aand she has had to cancel our meetup because of work...i really dont know if i should be straight forward and ask her if she is still interested or play it cool as i might suffocate her...

    idk i find all this very teenage like and im close to 30 so i dont feel in the mood for the games...any advice?its literally eating me up all the overthinking...
     
  2. Hawk

    Admin Team Full Member

    Joined:
    May 12, 2015
    Messages:
    13,403
    Likes Received:
    1,471
    Location:
    Alberta
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Is she putting in the same effort as you are? Or are you the one who's always initiating the conversation?
    That might be a sign whether or not she is feels the same way.

    Did you reschedule the meetup for another day? Or can you reschedule a meetup for another day that works for her?
    I'd ask that first, then if she still makes excuses that she can't meetup or has other priorities, maybe she just doesn't feel the same way as you.
     
    CL1990 likes this.
  3. Lin1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2015
    Messages:
    1,336
    Likes Received:
    531
    Location:
    somewhere over the rainbow
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I definitely think you should be straight forward and ask what you want to know, why waste time overthinking when you could just find out by asking her?

    A simple " Hey, I really liked hanging out with you and I am still very keen to get to know you better but I would totally get it if you didn't feel the same, I just wanted to check in?" is barely suffocating and will give you all the answers you need.

    I am talking to a girl right now who is much more straight-forward than the average girl I have met this far and initially it was a bit of an adjustment but I actually love it! I don't have to guess what she thinks because I already know so I don't have to doubt if she likes me, doesn't like me, is offended about something or not and it makes my life SO MUCH easier. The fact that she is honest and straight-forward also make me feel free to do the same with her without feeling like I am putting pressure on her or whatever, we just speak our mind and frankly it should always be like that.

    Don't be scared to be honest, ever, overthinking is terribly easy but talking things through openly with people you date makes for much healthier relationships, so open up! :slight_smile:
     
    SoulSearch likes this.
  4. smurf

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2015
    Messages:
    1,645
    Likes Received:
    638
    Location:
    Florida
    ^ That.

    Seriously, go all in. Its scary because "omg but what if I scare her", but if honesty and vulnerability scares your partner then you are dodging a bullet.

    I'm guessing she knows this is your first relationship? If so, lean on that.

    "Hey, so texting is a bit new to me. How do you like to do it? Sometimes I want to text you, but I'm worried about annoying you/feeling too needy/ etc."

    Talk about it.

    I have a friend who SUCKS at texting and comes off super rude, but if you call him he is totally different. I pointed out the difference and he said "Oh yeah, sorry I just never know how to show emotions properly through text" so now we can communicate without it and if I ever feel like he needs to try harder I tell him so.

    For my own personal mental health, if someone cancels plans on me I tell them "Alright, well up to you to reschedule since you canceled" because I hate feeling annoying. To me, if you cancel a date its up to you to figure out the alternative. If they don't put the effort in re-scheduling then they don't care as much as I do and I move on, but if they do then I know where they stand.

    But yeah, if you don't want to play games then be honest AND vulnerable.
     
    #4 smurf, Nov 5, 2018
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2018
    Biguyjosh likes this.
  5. eismeister

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2018
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    54
    Location:
    Republic of Ireland
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Asking does not dictate feelings, but rather reveals them. As said before, ask and then ride it out. Today's dating rules are terrible and should be avoided at all costs.
     
  6. CL1990

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2015
    Messages:
    306
    Likes Received:
    52
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    OP here...i told her i liked her but i couldnt tell if she wanted me to continue texting and she replied that she liked me too but it was difficult because of the distance and her job...now i havent texted her since (almost 1 week) and i feel like im going crazy... i really want to speak to her she has posted social media stories that feel like a hint to me but i might just going crazy...when we were together i could tell she liked me but with the distance i just cant tell and she has told me she likes me but now i dont kknow if i should be the one starting conversation or not... :frowning2:
     
  7. smurf

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2015
    Messages:
    1,645
    Likes Received:
    638
    Location:
    Florida
    From what you are saying it sounds like she isn't willing to do a long distance relationship.

    If you want to stop over thinking it, set up a time to talk over the phone. Tell her that you are feeling some distance and want to see how she si feeling with everything.

    But it sounds like you are both not on the same page as to what this means to you both.