I’m married man in the UK, with a wonderful wife and two great kids but find myself in my early 60s realising that I’m still not being true to myself, as I know in my heart that I’m not the straight man that I present to the world. Even when signing up for EC, I’ve listed myself as Straight but questioning, when the only real question is, “Am I Bisexual or Gay?” I always used to attribute my feelings to being a ‘bit soft’ compared to other boys, but growing up in the 60s and 70s was not a time to present as anything but straight. To be fair, I always liked girls anyway and sought relationships with them, but I realise that I have always been physically attracted to males as well. As I headed into early adulthood I had people around me assuming and accepting me as gay. Yet I didn’t want to identify as gay, as it would likely have affected my career and the 80s didn't feel like a time for experimentation with the fear of AIDS. Therefore, I pushed back against it, thus reinforcing my denial. I think the reason was that I always wanted to settle down and have a family but had just not yet found the right lady in my life. It’s only recently (late-onset midlife crisis perhaps), and triggered by another person I know coming out as bisexual, that I’ve realised that I too am probably bisexual, but previously had never considered that as a possibility because it felt like a description that needs to involve sex with my own gender. With a lot of self-reflection I’ve realised that male sexual contact is something that I’ve looked out for in case it was a possibility, but just never pursued a situation to make it happen. Online research now leaves me certain that I’m definitely on the gay half of the sexual spectrum but, just as there is no way I would risk my marriage by sexual contact with a woman other than my wife, I feel that the time has passed to fulfil my curiosity with a man, and it all has to sit in my head. That’s pretty much what has brought me to EC as a place where I can perhaps be a bit more honest with myself and the world, but without the risk that it is all going to come crumbling down around me. A quick look at the forums suggests that I’m not alone and hoping that this is a place where some of that frustration can be vented.
Welcome to EC and thank you for sharing your journey! I'm in a very similar position to you having finally embraced my homosexuality, something I have been in denial about for too long...
Thanks. This has been a huge leap for me and already feeling the supportive environment. Thanks for the follow. It means that anything I submit feels less like shouting into the wind.
Tota Feels so good to make the leap though! And yes so supportive here given me so much confidence being able to be openly gay!
Cam63…..Hello and a big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent! ) when that becomes necessary! This is a safe community of loving, caring and very supportive people and we will do our best to help you blend into the community. As we have members from 13 years old and older, please keep that in mind as you make your posts. *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out, join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When I first joined Empty Closets I was in need of a lot of support and encouragement and I found it here…EC is a safe place. I hope that you'll find good things here too! Folks here will talk to you and share...you don't have to be afraid of asking questions...we're glad to have you! Empty Closets is all about making connections and giving LGBTQ folks a voice when they otherwise don't have one in their day-to-day lives. *****In particular you may want to check out the forums that are titled “Sexual Orientation” and "LGBT Later in Life". There are people there who may have dealt with some of the same kind of issues that could be challenging you. Some info on how to navigate EC: When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something”. When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. Only A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) and then only to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can send me a Private Message as you can always send a staff member a Private Message. …..David
Hiya Cam, Welcome. Lots of nice people here, i hope you can find at least some of what you are looking for here. If nothing else, it is a safe place to be open about who and how you are. i know that can be a big deal. Not to parade on your rain, but i'd say it's never to late to continue to live. Not suggesting you run out and have an affair (smiles), but you might be surprised at the options available. Or you might not be surprised at all. Either way, i hope the decisions you make will bring you to a place of peace and self acceptance.
Thank you. Having just posted my message in the Welcome Lounge, it felt as though I was being a bit more honest to myself, if not those around me. Small steps and all that.
Thanks. I feel for the moment that the safe space is what I need, but you are right about options because I always believe in the approach of never say never.
In my mind at least it's, probably say probably ... but my life would be in a very different place if people could read my mind.
Oh, and after a day on the site, I've decided to stop hiding behind the word straight and update my profile.
