Hello! I am a genderfluid 14 year old who recently came out as pansexual to my parents. They took it well but they’re a lot less understanding of trans people. They seem to not really understand what being trans means, and are constantly deadnaming and misgendering my trans friends by accident. I would appreciate advice about whether I should come out or not. Thanks!
Are you asking about coming out as trans? Because you indicate you've already come out as pansexual. If you are exploring coming out as trans, what's going on for you that's leading you in that direction? I ask because there is a lot of misinformation floating around and, as a result, it's sort of an "in vogue" thing right now. There's a lot of data that shows that about 40% of the people who question their gender identity or report gender dysphoria ultimately discover that they are, in fact, the gender they are born with and don't require any action or treatment. It's easy when one is young to get swept up in current trends and not look at things objectively... and that said, it is also quite possible to know exactly where you are and to fully understand gender dysphoria at your age. So knowing a bit more about the situation will help give a useful answer.
Revan66.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! There is a sub-forum here titled “Gender Identity and Expression” if you post there I think you’ll find people who will understand what you are dealing with. At the same time I do have to agree with @Chip that being Trans has become somewhat of a fad. I am in no way saying that you or any other person who feels dysphoria is or is not Trans. That is always something that only the person involved can decide for themselves! What is important for you right now is to gather information on what gender dysphoria is and how it affects people. Learn as much as you can about being Trans. The actual transition is not something that anyone should do unless they are very sure before they start the process. It is a real life-saver for many people, but it can be a real problem, if entered into without enough study and preparation. That being said...Empty Closets is a community of loving, caring and very supportive people and we will do our best to help you blend into the community. You can ask questions in any of the Sub-forums by creating a new thread or by joining in a conversation-thread that is already going. You can also post a message on anyone's Profile Page after you have made at least ten posts yourself. If you have a question that is somewhat private you can always send a Private Message to any Staff Member. Normally Private Messages can only be exchanged between two Full Members, but a PM to a Staff Member is an exception. We are so glad that you have found us here on Empty Closets! .....David
Welcome to EC. Given that you already see them misgendering and deadnaming other people I would venture to say that it would be better to just wait (and you say that it is constant). Constant microagressions like that do hurt and if you are not out then of course the agressions are always happening. The thing it that in my experience it hurts even more when you have let people know what you want and then they still do it. Even if you try to convince yourself that it is not deliberate, it still feels like it.
Yes I am asking about coming out as trans. I know I am still young and should think about whether I am trans or not, as that’s a decision that will impact me for the rest of my life. But when I’m called a girl (when I feel like one) a warm feeling sprouts in my heart. And when I look at my facial hair which is coming in, I feel disgusting and just plain wrong. But thank you for replying and welcoming me to the community!
Forgot to mention that I am out as fluid to a few of my friends, nearly all of which are in the LGBTQIA+ community themselves.
Hello, @Revan66, welcome to EC! I think everybody has pretty much covered it. My recommendation would be to really dig deep, reflect as much as you can on whether you really are trans or if you're dealing with a general body dysmorphia rather than dysphoria (as puberty can be a really uncomfortable time, especially), and if you find after reflecting and researching that you are, perhaps then discuss it with your parents? But I think that discussion also depends on their overall behaviour when it comes to trans issues. You say they frequently (and accidentally) misgender some of your trans friends, but what else do they say or do? Do they seem hostile regarding trans people? Confused? If you think there's even the slightest chance that telling them could get you kicked out of the house (or worse), then hard as it may be, I'd say wait until you're in a situation where it's safe to come out. If you don't see your parents reacting quite so negatively, I'd say broach the subject as calmly as possible, and be prepared to answer a lot of questions.
Welcome to EC! I agree with everything said here already. You are very young and these things need to be thought through deeply.
