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New Guy maybe getting emotionally attached what do i do

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Tallen, Sep 23, 2017.

  1. Tallen

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    I met a guy online this week in another chat forum, (he may be on this one as well)? :astonished: hope not!!

    He seems to be a nice guy who got caught up in ex-gay therapy for 10 years along with deep involvement with his family, has no friends, never been in relationship and claims to be a virgin at age 50. He has no gay social life in the town where he lives and he and his sister share a house together.

    The guy is very poetic and emotional driven in his communication with me and has revealed he's looking for love with Mr. Right which is great....I suspect most of us are but.....The conversation has taken a more intimate direction than just meeting some one and striking up a conversation.

    He has asked me at least 100 questions about myself, calls me angel, dear, loved one and states I would make a great husband. He told me he cried yesterday when his I Pad crashed and he had no way of getting in touch with me and he has asked if we can share email addresses or other ways of communication.

    I feel absolutely nothing for this guy, we only met 3 days ago. and I do believe he probably is a nice lonely guy but it appears he has went overboard emotionally. You be the judge as I include an excerpt from his last post

    Sure do not want to wake you up as I will soon send this message off to your lovely embrace . As I do not desire to wake up an angel . A dear male angel whom I enjoy visiting a lot !
    Yesterday morning , my tablet had crashed . It worried me , due to that I did Not want to loose you as a confidant or great friend . I panicked along with shedding of some tears as I had absolutely no clue what took place , what to do ,or , how to fix it .
    Just scrambled along with feeling of true helplessness . Esco , I am not computer savy .

    Loosing a dear friend whom I have quite a few things in common with and long to get to truly know more of deep down in my heart , would be devastating . It would mean that I would have to start all over , again . Being alone .

    Would truly and sincerely like to get to know you so much more , Esco !

    By asking you questions about sex , have I scared you off or asked too many questions about the topic ? Sure hope not .
    Am clueless , deprived and longing to have an relationship that is filled with tons of endless love and share my love , feelings , desires , dreams , good and bad times with but , find support and give this in return for a man whom we can connect with in so many ways that Love and Passion can mold us into a Blessed Union of One , soon and over time !

    So what do you think,
    Keep talking to him and see where it goes?
    Be up front and tell him I feel nothing presently?
    Stop communicating with him all together?


    Has anyone on EC had a similar experience????
     
    #1 Tallen, Sep 23, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2017
  2. OGS

    OGS
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    My advice would be to just run. He's infatuated with you but the fact of the matter is it really is nothing personal--he's just found a gay guy who will let him pin his fantasies on him. When I was dating I had guys all the time who immediately jumped into this whole relationship mindset and I realized after a while that it didn't have anything to do with me (don't get me wrong, I'm awesome and I'm sure you are too)--they just had a man-shaped hole in their life and I would fill it just fine. Most of the guys I encountered weren't nearly as damaged as this guy seems and it still never ended well. What he really needs is a friend but as long as he views you as the lost chopper out of his mental Saigon it's not gonna happen.
     
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  3. angeluscrzy

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    Wow.......after only 3 days? That is very creepy. I would be extremely put off by someone I barely know saying that stuff to me
     
    #3 angeluscrzy, Sep 23, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2017
  4. Cinnamon Bunny

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    Look up the term "love bombing".
     
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  5. Jax12

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    He sounds desperate and lonely. Reason why I say that because I was like that 3 years ago, only difference is that I was quite blunt about saying I loved someone when I barely knew them.

    The guy doesn’t even know you and he’s speaking to you like you’re the love of his life. That stuff doesn’t develop till you’ve been with your significant other for a longer period of time.

    I don’t like cutting people off like that, so I would discourage against “running” from him, but you make the call. You could let know that your down to talk as a friend, but he isnt emotionally ready for a relationship. Don’t let yourself get involved with him that way. If he’s been in ex gay therapy for that long, he’ll need time to collect himself, and that isn’t something you are obligated to do for him.
     
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  6. resu

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    I get suspicious when people claim to have no friends. I'm quite hermetic myself, but I can still maintain friendships.

    I think you should be honest with him that you think this is all going too fast. If you do still want to talk to him, you should space out your responses for long enough times, like maybe a week or more, so you don't feed his desperation. But, I have serious doubts he will change his ways after 50 years.
     
  7. Tallen

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    I really have no interest in talking to the guy, and yes his infatuation is faster than the speed of light :slight_smile: he just showed up in my Private Messages with a compliment 4 days ago, (the same day I joined the chat site) he asked me if I would be interested in talking, and I said sure I would like that...and now he's in love and asking lots and lots of questions that have moved now to a more erotic nature and I haven't even seen a pic of him :astonished:

    Heres a new list of questions I just got from him....

    Here are some questions for you :
    Are you ticklish ?
    Do you like wearing occasionally any provocative lounge wear at home ?
    Do you like watching gay erotic films ?
    Do you like tv shows with characters whom are gay in them ?
    What did it feel like after you had made love to a man , after your first time Esco ? Is this feeling a memorable one for you , Esco ?
    Would you ever let someone give you a bath ?
    Do you like foreplay any ?
    Would you feel truly comfortable in sharing with me both your sexual fantasies and day dreams of making love to another male ? How about in-depth talks with me about sexual fantasies ?
    Do you ever want to try a golden shower ?
    Have you ever gone skinny dipping with another male ?
    Does size matter to you ? ( it does not matter to me . All it matters to me, is that you are a man , gay or bisexual , single , not involved with anyone , wanting only meaningful sex and you have a penis ) .

    OMG, 4 days and I am getting this stuff??????

    I am thinking he may back off if I don't return interest but simply keep the conversation on neutral subjects ....say like the weather :sweat_drops::sun_with_face::waning_gibbous_moon:

    I dont want to hurt the guy because I do know he is lonely and living with a sister in a town without much gay social activities but I'm 400 miles away and have no interest in LDR. I would like to make new friends but I don't know if thats possible with this guy.

     
    #7 Tallen, Sep 24, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2017
  8. resu

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    Don't feed his appetite for attention.
     
  9. CharacterStudy

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    Someone else has already said it: Lovebombing. It's pretty well known amongst women as a behaviour of some men, who later turn out to be emotionally abusive. They try to take things too emotionally far, too quickly, suck you in, and if you're at all vulnerable you'll probably fall for it.

    He could also just be emotionally immature due to his messed up experienced.

    Either way - I'd run. He's making you uncomfortable now. Is that how someone who really cares for you wants to make you feel? No.