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Never Been in a Relationship

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Maddog2017, Mar 20, 2019.

  1. Maddog2017

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    I'm 19 years old, about to go to College, and I have never been in a serious romantic relationship. I have read that sometimes LGBT people start later, and I've never really felt bad about it before, but the closer I get the more worried I am about it. I have no experience with anything, and I'm worried that I'm way far behind my peers and I'm going to be not good at relationship things. I don't know, has anybody else felt like this? Am I being irrational?
     
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  2. Loves books

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    I’m 27 and I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve also never kissed anyone. I’m not worried. I’ll find someone that I want to be in a relationship with eventually but I’m currently not looking. You’re not too far from your peers. There are probably plenty in the same situation. Join the LGBT group at your college and go from there. You won’t know if you’ll be any good at a relationship unless you try. It’s trial and error and no one is perfect.
     
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  3. faultyink

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    I'm 19 too and in the same situation but tbh! I don't really care. why rush into something just to experience it :/
     
    #3 faultyink, Mar 23, 2019
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  4. resu

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    You're never too late! Also, remember that relationships in college will be different than in grade school because you're all becoming adults and finding more people who have similar interests than just those who live nearby.
     
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  5. Devil Dave

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    I'm in my thirties and never been in a relaitonship. And I don't actually care! When I was in my late teens/early twenties, lots of people did react like it was strange that I hadn't had a relationship yet. And I would end up feeling guilty, like I was a failure, because it was expected of me to have relationships, it's the normal thing to do. I still haven't been in one, and I just think whatever. I have casual flings, which is something I didn't want to do in my twenties, I basically wanted to save myself for someone special and someone special never came along, so here I am now, just hooking up with people when I feel like it. I'm ok with that. If people like being in a relaitonship, that's great, but its not a crime to be single.
     
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  6. Maddog2017

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    Thanks everyone who replied! I still am irrationally a little worried but it does help to know that there are other people out there in the same situation, so mine is not really that out of the ordinary.
     
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  7. Ram90

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    Absolutely not! It's not out of the ordinary, take it from me too. :slight_smile:. I realize I'm late to the party lol.

    I started dating roughly a year ago, been on a couple of dates and there have been a few intimate moments. I'm new to this myself, so I'm taking my time in navigating and figuring out what makes me comfortable and what isn't. I don't let people judge me or treat me differently for not wanting to "hook up" or get into a "NSA" relationship. I prefer to get to know people on a personal level and I'm sticking by that.

    Don't I feel like I want a "special someone" doting on me sometimes or something? I won't lie. I would love someone like that. But I also know the situation I'm in (personally) and also that I might be searching for the diamond in the rough for that "special someone". Until then, I'm not picky or concerned with the stereotype lol. Don't let anyone else tell you that. :slight_smile:. Be strong, be patient and figure out what makes your comfortable and happy! That's the most important thing. :slight_smile:.
     
  8. Devil Dave

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    And you can still enjoy dating without it leading to a long term relationship. When I was younger, dating seemed like a really daunting thing to get into.

    Now I'm not scared of dates at all. Especially if a guy makes the first move and asks if I want to meet up, I think "ooh, somebody wants to meet me! I get to dress up nice and make myself look pretty for someone!"

    It's a nice break from my normal routine of just doing things on my own and being surrounded by the same people. I get to make plans with a total stranger and put a bit of my day aside for someone. I don't overthink the date, I just go along and let it play out. And if it goes badly, at least I've got an amusing story to tell my friends!
     
  9. Maddog2017

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    It's not so much that I feel the need to go from single to a serious relationship right away, but I've never even been on a date or anything, and I'm worried that while other people had their teen years to feel out the awkwardness, I'll still be doing it into young adulthood.
     
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  10. smurf

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    For better or for worse that's the reality.

    You will have to have the awkward dates and everything during college. Most of us had to and its fairly common for lgbt people. Fucking own it, have your awkward moments and move on. Honestly, I know it doesn't feel like it but you are still sooooo young. Like, stupid young.

    So celebrate you are finally in a place where you can envision a relationship, go meet people and then go have your first cute and awkward first date. It going to be a fun journey :slight_smile:
     
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  11. 18breanna

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    I'm having similar feelings as OP; how do I find oppurtunities to date if I do not want to use dating apps of some sort? I wouldn't know how to deal with being turned down face to face, so I'm a bit worried
     
  12. Maddog2017

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    I have thought about using dating apps, at least as a way to meet other LGBT people, but I'm pretty nervous about meeting people on the internet. I feel like on a dating app you're more likely to be judged for no experience, I guess.
     
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  13. 18breanna

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    I feel the same, but sometimes I feel like I have no other choice haha
     
  14. Maddog2017

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    Oh yeah, same. Especially since I live in a more conservative part of the US it's really hard to meet people any other way without putting yourself in kind of a compromising situation.
     
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  15. 18breanna

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    Oh no that must be tough! It was always hard for me growing up and seeing my straight friends falling into relationships like it was nothing while I'm in college now and still haven't been on any dates ;-; I know that I will need to use online dating eventually but it's sad that's a lot of what gay people feel is their only choice
     
  16. Mlpguy88

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    I didn't go on my first date until I was 24. It wasn't a problem for the guy I was with then. I told him beforehand because we met online and he was very understanding about it and let me get over my nervousness. Apparently a lot of people find it as a plus to meet someone who has waited. Be honest about it if the situation comes up.
     
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  17. 18breanna

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    That's so great to hear :slight_smile: good to know there's hope
     
  18. Maddog2017

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    Yeah, that's what it's been like for me too. I'm the last of my friends to not ever have been on a date or in a relationship, and apart from that it just seems way easier for them to meet people. I don't know that many other non straight people, and nobody I knows can relate to my experiences with that, even my friends who aren't straight don't seem like they've had a problem with this or they're already comfortable with online dating, and I'm not really there yet. But I think I might be destined to go down that road eventually.
     
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  19. 18breanna

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    We all go at our own pace :slight_smile: We may be a little late, but I've known people to start dating in their mid-20s, even when they're straight, so I still have hope! Hang in there!
     
  20. BMC77

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    I have never had a date, and I'm 48. I'm not sure I'll ever have a date for a multitude of reasons. One (but only one reason): I frankly dread having to learn skills at 48 that most people got before they were half my age. But "it is what it is."

    As for you, I don't think that 19 is really that late a start. It may seem that way, sometimes, but you surely aren't alone. And others may have some dating experience, but very limited experience.

    As for meeting people...I think there is a lot to be said for just casually meeting people at college, and seeing what happens from that point. You might make it a priority to get involved in any LGBT organizations.
     
    #20 BMC77, Mar 27, 2019
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2019
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