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Never been in a relationship, Lesbian + Transgender

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Tayb24, Feb 3, 2015.

  1. Tayb24

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Washington (state)
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi all,

    So like the title says, at the age of 23, I've never been in a relationship. Never even kissed anyone actually.

    I'm starting to get rather hopeless regarding my dating situation. I live in a rural college town with only so many gay women. On top of that small dating pool, I'm transgender too, so I have to find a woman who likes women, and also doesn't mind the fact that I'm trans.

    So far I just don't see a relationship in my near future.

    I went to the drag show in the town over last weekend (pretty much the only queer hangout in the area), and I kept having super bad social anxiety while I was there. I was nearly on the edge of tears. I kept thinking that people were looking at me, and that they were just staring at me because I'm trans. There were a few people staring at me, but it could have been for a litany of reasons; one of which is they thought that I was attractive. My crippling lack of confidence stops me from believing this though.

    I'm on like every dating app available but haven't had any luck with any of them. Although, I'm pretty much only waiting for other people to message me. Which they do, it's just usually not someone I'm attracted to.

    I would message someone but my lack of confidence stops me. The last two friends I had crushes on didn't pan out, and even went super mega embarrassingly on one occasion. I've only ever been rejected, and I've tried many times over the course of my life.

    Like, I get hit on by guys ALL THE FREAKING TIME on the dating apps (the ones that don't stop straight people from seeing/messaging you), but I don't like guys. I've thought about just trying out dating a guy though, just because I'm so lonely. I'm really just not attracted to like 99% of guys though. I'm also quite femme and I don't think girls who see me would think that I'm gay.

    Ugh, I'm just lonely, frustrated, feel like I'm going to be single forever, and just really needed to vent.
     
  2. Polemarch

    Regular Member

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    Hey, it's alright. I'm 24 and I don't have any experience in being in a relationship with another girl. If you don't feel any attraction to some people then you can't really do anything about that.

    I've never been in a relationship with a girl and I've come to accept that. I know how you feel, most of my friends are in a relationship and I'm one of the few that is left that's single. Sometimes I feel frustrated and left out but I try not to think about that because that will just make me feel bad about my own situation. I just think about the good things of being single. Granted there are some things that make having a companion great, but it's when you feel the natural bond between your companion that makes it great.

    You will find someone and it'll be fine. It could be tomorrow, next month, next year, or whenever, but when it happens it happens. If you have bad social anxiety problem, i don't think you should force yourself into a situation where it can trigger an attack. Go to outings that you feel comfortable in or have someone who supports you go with you. They can be your wingman/women.

    I don't think you should just go out with someone who isn't a gender your attracted to just cause you're lonely because its a bit unfair to the other person. What if he really likes you but you don't feel the same towards him and your just together with him just cause you don't want to feel lonely.

    Overall, you'll meet someone sooner or later. If the prospect of finding someone seems slim currently, try to enjoy the positive aspects of being single and just being around people who supports you. Someone will come your way eventually, sad thing is you can't push fate. Hope you feel better!
     
  3. Sapphire

    Sapphire Guest

    Yeah, I'm in pretty much the same situation, and I've been out for a few years now. It just doesn't work out right away for some people, which is frustrating because it seems like other people just get in and out of relationships so easily, but maybe it'll happen soon.
     
  4. silverhalo

    Full Member

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    Hey don't give up all hope. I hadn't kissed anyone when I was 26 and now I'm in a happy long term relationship. I know it's really difficult to pluck up the courage to message someone but what if the people you do like the look at are sitting waiting for you to message them. Worst case scenario you send them a message and they don't respond. Don't give up it will be worth it when you get there.
     
  5. jay777

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Well I'd say you see it more bleak than it is.
    You're basically looking for someone who likes you. Not necessarily someone lesbian, someone bi might also be a partner. I'd say women in general, if you like them and they like you.

    You could try to get into social situations slowly, to gain a bit of confidence.
    Going shopping, making a remark to the cashier...
    maybe taking a weekend course... like for photography etc...
    in a course, you can get to know people slowly and have some kind of interaction with them...

    You could look for people you have something in common with... a hobby, an interest... and take it from there...

    You will find someone in time... I'd say take your time, just do some things that bring you in contact with people.

    You could have a look here:
    Dating
    and at this whole thread:
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-discussions/166447-how-do-you-make-friends-adulthood.html#5

    hugs
     
    #5 jay777, Feb 7, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2015