Nervous about Coming Out in a big way

Hi friends! Just a quick update since I have a rough draft of a paper due tomorrow that isn't done (still need to do like five more paragraphs).

I had my Speak Out training tonight! I went to our equality alliance's meeting first and it was definitely a new experience for me. I recognized a few faces (at least one from an app), but I mostly just stuck by my friend who's the GA. I don't think I've ever been around so many queer people in my life...it was definitely new. Not bad new, just very new.

The training went well, though! I'm admittedly still very nervous but now I kind of know what to...well...do.

The countdown is on!

 

Hi all! The big day is this Friday at 4 EST...really hyped but really nervous!

As some extra info...
One of the other guys on the panel, who will be facilitating it, also works in the office and accidentally outed me to two of the other people in my office yesterday. He was telling our boss who would be on the panel and obviously my name was included. The one just gave me a quick look and shrugged it off, I knew they wouldn't care. The one who gave me a look was just like, "Was it a secret?"

Also, if anyone's interested in reading my vignette (basically my introduction) here it is (slightly modified):

My name is [wouldn't y'all like to know], I’m 21 and a senior. I’m a Secondary Education—English major with a minor in Educational Technology and will be student teaching next semester. I’ve been part of the Learning Communities since I was a freshman, two years as a Mentor, and now as a Student Educational Program Assistant and Social Media Coordinator. I love reading and writing, hence my major, watching Netflix, and playing video games in the sparse free time I have. My family is pretty traditional, my parents are together, I have one sister. And I’m gay.​

I’ve known for a long time and started coming out to friends in middle school when I was 12 or 13. I think I knew since elementary school, though. [Hometown] doesn’t have a huge LGBTQA population, so I used online forums to connect with people who were going through similar things as me. My friends at school were always incredibly supportive, though. While I knew my family would be supportive, I didn’t actually come out to them until this past March and even then, only my immediate family and my sister’s fiancé. I’ve been outed twice—once as a freshman in college and once just this past summer, and then I was more forced out.​

College has definitely helped me become more comfortable being gay, even when I wasn’t necessarily out to some of my close friends. I found friends who identify as LGBTQA and they quickly became people I could relate to and talk about things with. For some reason, it’s always been a hurdle for me to come out to certain people than others, which is why I have spent all of college not being out to most of my friends. Even today, I have people on campus, past mentees of mine, that I am incredibly hesitant to have know.
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It's supposed to be a short intro that introduces me and instigates questions, essentially. That's why I mention being outed, but not the full experience and other things. Mentioning it encourages questions.

 

The panel begins in an hour...nervous but ready. Wish me luck, fam.

 

So, good news! I didn't vomit! Really felt like I was going to, though.

It went well.

There were a lot of identity, bisexuality vs. pansexuality questions that obviously didn't fit me to answer, but I got to answer a few questions. I wore my #thxsimon shirt, which I liked. My boss gave me a hug afterwards. One girl in the front row seemed very uncomfortable, not going to lie. I don't really know her, though, so I didn't care.

I avoided eye contact a lot because I just didn't want to see people.

One of my friends, afterwards, said he had a question for me when we were walking to the parking lot. I wasn't surprised because he usually asks a lot of questions and it was simply, "How were you feeling up there?" And I was honest, wanted to vomit, really nervous, the expected.

I did it though. And I'm honestly happy I did.

Thank you, all, for your support in doing this. It really means a lot

 

Actually still have a slight, "I wanna vomit" feeling, but that was expected. I think I'm slightly bugged because I didn't get to talk to some of the people closest to me afterwards since they left and I had to meet with a committee I'm running.

 

So, as a little followup, I've seen some people since Friday and...no one cares! No real negative reaction at all, which is what I expected so I'm happy that was the result.

It's uphill from here, y'all!

 

Oh, no reaction was exactly what I was hoping for. I didn't really feel like talking about it and would not have liked a negative response.

The only times it's been mentioned was when I was getting lunch with the facilitator on Monday and he asked me if that was my first panel and how I liked it and last night I was taking pictures at an event and the prof who helped me get it all figured out was there and asked me how the panel went at one point.