Nervous about Coming Out in a big way

My job on campus, I consider my coworkers like my family. They're some of my favorite people and I love spending time with them. Except...I've never come out to any of them except for one, and I have no idea why not. The one I actually tried to last semester after she went with me to see Love, Simon. I wanted to and I knew she'd be fine with it, I just...didn't.

I've been thinking over a way to potentially come out to all of them in one fell swoop since last semester and I really want to but I'm also nervous about it.

My job has a monthly training and for October, my boss is calling on our LGBTQA Resource Center to have a Speak Out panel where volunteers come in and talk about their coming out experience. The grad assistant for the Resource Center is actually a close friend of mine and I could see if she could help me get on the panel. Doing so would give me the ability to come out to all 50~ coworkers at once while talking about getting to that point.

It's something I've thought of a lot and honestly think I could get it figured out to do, I'm just incredibly nervous about doing it. I've only actually said "I'm gay" out loud to a small handful of people and this would be to, well, everyone. I'm more confident in doing it now, but it's still rather nerve-racking.

Any advice or words of encouragement would be appreciated

 

As-needed basis is kind of how I've been functioning the past two years. I just posted in Coming Out Stories how I came out to a bunch of people and one of them is a coworker of mine for my main on-campus job. As-needed has worked fine, but for some I just want them to know without having to sit down and do it.

And it's rather hard to do stuff like over lunch or wear something specific. It's a work study position without set hours, so while I have like 50~ coworkers, I hardly see many of them. We all do specific things and don't necessarily see each other apart from our monthly training.

I have actually considered finally ordering this Love, Simon shirt and wearing that to the panel if I go through it.

Yeah, I've always felt really weird just randomly coming out to someone. Like I feel weird to just kind of say to someone "Yeah, I sleep with guys" just out of the blue without a reason. The closest I got to telling anyone without a specific reason was when I almost came out to one of my coworkers after watching Love, Simon.

I've literally been considering this panel idea since May when I found out we would be doing it and I'm excited but it's nerve-wracking. I mean, as soon as I go up and sit on the panel, I won't need to say anything without people knowing. There's really no going back then. I'm fully aware that it could change things with people, but I desperately hope not since my coworkers literally just had their LGBTQA 101 training today and kind of need to be open minded for our job.

The only huge hurdle would just be getting on the panel since I've never done one before. I also wouldn't necessarily want to blindside my boss with this so I may tell her ahead of time.

 

So, update on this matter!

I stopped by our LGBTQA Resource Center on campus today to visit my friend who's the GA there and also to ask her about how to actually get onto the panel. Evidently, there's training to be done prior to being on the panel. Why I need training to talk about my coming out story, I'm not entirely sure but *insert shrug emoji*. Her and someone else in the resource center told me though that it would be entirely possibly to get me the training prior to when the panel is planned for.

After that I went back to my office to work and she actually came down to visit my boss since she hadn't yet. The Speak Out panel got brought up and I decided to ask my boss then about if she would be ok with me speaking on the panel. Essentially coming out to her without explicitly saying it. She was kind of surprised at first but also very supportive as was expected. Of course then my friend decided to mention the story of how she found out which involved a hookup I had freshman year which was slightly mortifying.

So things are rolling in place! This is actually happening! (And legitimately hella nerve-wracking but also kind of exciting.)

 

My sarcasm does not come well through in writing haha. I do understand why a training is necessary, I went through a little mini thing when I spoke on a professional development panel over the summer. I just found the idea of being trained on how to come out to strangers (even though mine won't be strangers) funny.

 

Well, I'm not on yet. I'm going to have to figure out how to fit this training into my already busy schedule, but hopefully that won't be too much of an issue. Once I get the training done, getting on the panel should be a breeze. I have a lot of ins at our resource center and I'm pretty sure my boss could actually request me if she wanted.

Honestly, something I'm hoping out of this is to help encourage some of the LGBTQ coworkers to be more willing to come out. I know of three off the top of my head that are either just not out or only somewhat out. I'd like to show them that we're a welcoming environment where you can be you without judgment.

 

Update:
We've hit a bit of a snag. Apparently, the interim co-director of the LGBTQ Resource Center (who is one of my old bosses) wants members of panels to be at least a sophomore (I'm a senior) and have been a member of the equality alliance on campus previously. So, I need to meet with him to essentially plead my case on why I should be able to do this. Not happy.

I actually find it very uncomfortable that a gay man is requiring someone to have been secure in their sexuality for a certain amount of time before he would allow it. I've known I'm gay for a while, but I never had any desire to join the equality alliance. I knew of some of the people in it, and they just weren't people I was interested in spending time with. It also is rather outing being there, and I haven't really been terribly comfortable coming until last March.

So, I'll be emailing him tonight and CCing the other co-director about it. If he doesn't let me go through with it, I'm actually going to be incredibly pissed.

 

I kind of get it, but it's frustrating. I understand getting trained, but adding the requirement of being involved in a specific organization just seems a little too much for me. There are plenty of reasons I can think of for not being involved in it.

1. Not being out yet.
2. Being out to a few people but not ready to be out to a whole bunch of random strangers.
3. Literally being too busy to join and go to meetings.
4. Just having no desire to be a part of the organization.

Our resource center has a pool of people they choose from when they have these panels on campus. Like it's consistently the same people doing panels. You would think that they would like a variation and adding someone new. Especially when I can give a specific insight into being LGBT in the job position as well as my own coming out story.

I'm actually kind of angry now that our old resource center director has left. He was so cool and chill and probably would have had zero issue with me doing this.

 

To be fair, ours is also very neglected. It's in our student services building which should be used more frequently but no one really uses it. Size-wise it's probably around the size of 2/3 a dorm room. Literally, there's no privacy for someone going in there. Currently the position of director is vacant and three people are co-directors of it but not really. When we have a director, their office is actually in a completely other building and they're not typically in the resource center.

However, despite us being a 10,000~ campus, we have a fairly active LGBT community with a drag show every semester that draws in a crowd.

It's actually a huge bummer to hear that a larger university is even more neglected.

 

Another update:
I'm in! They're making an exception for me to do be able to do the training and the panel. I was told to make sure to keep it on the DL, though. Not entirely sure who I would be telling?

The training's Tuesday night, so I'm hoping it doesn't take too long. But I'm in!