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Needing Advice

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Michael J, Sep 5, 2021.

  1. Michael J

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    Hello,
    I feel that I'm at a crossroads and need any advice if possible, appreciated either way.
    I'm a male, and met this guy this Summer at the gym. We both attended the same high school. In the first occurrence I met him, I said hello and made small conversation. Later that day, I followed him on Instagram and asked if he wanted to go for a few runs during the Summer.
    Throughout the Summer we engaged in one/two runs a week. He wanted to go for runs to better his cardio for the Soccer season. Nearing our last few runs, we've had deep conversations and he thanked me for my help in training him and was very appreciative.
    During one of our runs, I asked him if he was talking to anyone at his school. He said he wanted to stay single at the moment. He asked me if I was taking to anyone, I replied that I was not. He mentioned that he talks to girls but wanted to talk to them to a point of knowing whether it's enough to pursue a relationship as well.
    [Flash forward three months] We've both talked everyday through texting. He moved across the state for his college. He's busy with Soccer and school throughout the week, and sometimes has to go out of state for games. I've attended two of his Soccer games this season and each time he was very appreciative that I went. After the first game, I drove home (3 hours) and we talked during that time through text. He told me several times to drive safe and be ok. And most of our conversations through text end in "have a good night."
    Lately, I've noticed that through most of the conversations, I've been the initiator with questions. Throughout the Summer, I've felt a stronger attraction to him, but I feel that he is growing distant as well. There's been nights where we've had deep conversations and talked about vulnerable things, but I feel that it's hard to maintain conversations when I'm initiating them.
    I don't know if he's into guys, and I don't want to make assumptions or generalize things that would make him feel a certain way.
    Lately, I've been in the mindset of wanting to create a distance between me and him, but trying to get to know him better when we do make conversation.
    I have a strong intuition that he is straight, and I feel that I want to express my thoughts and feelings towards him. I'm willing to pursue the conversation even if it turns our friendship distant. I still want to continue running with him during the Summer and off seasons, but I want to express my thoughts to him soon.
    Is there a way that I should share my thoughts to him?
    Thank you to anyone that reads, this I appreciate it so much!
     
  2. QuietPeace

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    Welcome to EC.

    From your description of the interactions that the two of you have had it does seem that he only thinks of you as a friend. Add to that your own intuition of him being straight (which of course statistics favor). It all adds up to the odds of him responding favorably to your expressing romantic or sexual interest in him being very low. The odds of him responding negatively and possibly even ending the friendship (which happens often in cases of unrequited interest even if the persons orientation is aligned with the interest) are high. Are you willing to risk losing the friendship over this? Especially given the odds.
     
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  3. BiGemini87

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    Welcome to EC, @Michael J!

    It's hard to say what should be done in this situation. I think there's a very real chance of your feelings being unrequited, and a chance that he won't react well/it will cause distance in your friendship (if not outright termination of it).

    There's also a chance that your feelings aren't unrequited, or that if they are, he'll still value you as a friend.

    I think before you possibly tell him your feelings, you should gauge his attitude towards gay people/LGBT issues. In any of your conversations, have these topics come up? If so, has he been negative at all, or does he seem supportive? Once you have an idea of his general feelings towards gay people or other LGBT+ folks, it should give you an idea of whether you can safely approach him regarding your feelings.

    It's entirely possible he's subconsciously picked up on those feelings, and perhaps that is why he seldom (if ever) initiates conversation. Has it always been this way? If not, is it possible the only reason he hasn't initiated is because he's busy and otherwise might do so if given the chance (or enough time has passed)?

    These are just things to take into consideration. :slight_smile:
     
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  4. PatrickUK

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    I think @BiGemini87 offered some very good advice. I think the advice about gauging his attitude towards LGBT people and issues is particularly good because this will offer a clue as to his reaction when you share your feelings.

    In all honesty, I think you should be prepared to be let down, because there are no strong clues that he is attracted to other guys, but it sounds like you are prepared to take the chance to find out for sure. I would suggest doing things in order though and try to see how he feels about the LGBT community first. If it transpires that he can't stand gay people, you will know that it's pointless taking things any further and save yourself a lot more heartache too.
     
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