Hi Guys, I need your help. I am feeling really down. This has been a real struggle with my sexuality but I did get help and feel like although I am a turtle, I have made some strides. I have come out to close friends and close family even if they did not accept my "choice". I also stopped trying to find love in clubs and bars and joined a dating site where I have had to be "out" im terms of putting my pic out there. My gay friends I met were all based from the bar and club scene. Sure it seemed fun for a while to have drinks and be young again but at early 40s my body is now tired and even though people say I look young, Im starting to feel really old and washed up in that environment. I also do not want to drink anymore because I equate drinking with social fun but its not fun anymore and its like once the engines gets going the party animal comes out and Im really too old for all of that now. Here is where I need help and advice. 1. I dont drink at home and only when I go out but I am really tired of doing that. Going out now is limited to once a weekend but usually I end up drinking too much and feeling yucky and depressed afterward. I recently told my gay friends I dont want to go out anymore. Some said "oh thats what you have been saying for years you'll be back. Others have told me Im more fun when I drink and even when they know I do not want to they will say "you need a drink". How did you break the cycle of going out in hopes of meeting someone when that never happens. I never really ever met a match for anything meaninfgful there? I dont wanna go to gay bars and stuff anymore. Im not even having fun anymore really and just feel either sexualized or rejected. But I just cant seem to stop going. Guess I keep hoping maybe if I am there "he" could be there too? How did you avoid places that dont suit you anymore...? Dating people my age: I want to meet guys my age. In a club I met someone I liked but he was 22. I guess I was letting alcohol think for me and we exchanged numbers and that was it but the next day i felt really bad like I was some old creep. I dont want to date a 22 year old. Nothing happened and if I do hear from him I will just say we are not in the same appropriate age groups but should I felt bad for even talking to him in the first place? Feeling washed up: I just feel really down. People like me but mostly want me for sex. Im afraid to have sex to be honest. The dating sites havent really panned out. I just feel like it will never happen. Other ways to spend my time: I go to the gym more now on weekends but i just feel alone coming home by myself. Maybe I can join some activities or groups. I honestly just dont have the motivation. When I have tried gay meetups in the past I just dont seem to fit in. I feel like the straight guy in the room of gay guys. Hard to explain but I just dont seem to be able to relate. Please dont say I am internalized homophobic. Im not sure I cant take that bashing right now. Any help?
I'm sorry to hear that from you. And since I'm not out myself, I'm afraid there isn't much I can say to help you other than that my heart aches for you! In my own, different way, I know how it feels to be lonely, the feel that you don't really belong to the places you've been going to. And I hope you can overcome those problems soon. You sure came to the right place, here on EC there are a lot of people who genuinely want to help others! So feel free to vent your frustrations whenever you feel the need. Well, maybe I have one cent of advice: don't feel like an old creep! Of course there's nothing wrong in wanting to date guys your age...but there's nothing wrong in dating someone who's older or younger either (since it's within the limits set by law, obviously). So, if you liked the guy and he liked you... what's the problem? As long as you both are enjoying each other, it's absolutely fine. I've talked to some guys who'd rather date older guys, so no problem at all.
Hey my advice would be to have a look for some meet up groups in your area. Find some meet ups that interest you and that way you can meet some people but it doesn't have to be centred around drinking and clubs. There are usually a variety of clubs on offer if you live in a reasonably accepting area.
