Hey everyone, I'm close. I can feel it I'm close. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember. Spent countless hours lying in bed doing nothing. Been terrified to put myself out there. Really struggled to make friends. But I feel something now that I haven't felt in a long time. Hope. I guess the root of my depression was a couple things. The first being me having a really hard time accepting I was gay. The second being in love with my straight best friend. I was absolutely crazy for him. We were best friends for 4 years before I couldnt take it anymore and told him how I felt. It's been about a year and a half since then, and I think I'm finally almost completely over him. I don't think about him nearly as much as I did before. And it was weird for a while, but we're still pretty good friends which is dope. So now I guess what I'm really struggling with is accepting myself and putting myself out there. This is my second year at the school I'm at, and I still haven't really made many friends. I still sit in bed way too much, scared of the outside world I guess. I think I'm close to a breakthrough though. I've been thinking about going to one of the LGBT meetings my school has. I even emailed the guy who runs the club, told him I was interested and asked what a typical meeting was like. He responded quickly and made it sound like the meetings were a lot of fun, and that they'd be really happy to have me. This was earlier in the week, with the meeting being on Thursday. So thursday comes and the whole day I tell myself that I'm gonna go and I can do this and start to prepare myself...... And then I took a nap instead. Told myself some excuse that I was too tired. I really do want to go. I really do want friends, especially gay friends. I've only had straight friends before, and I feel like becoming a part of the gay community would be really good for me. Maybe I'd even meet someone. But I just can't pull the trigger. I'm still scared of.... idk what I'm scared of. I just need a little push to get me on my way I think. I hope.... Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.
Hey try not to be too hard on yourself that you couldn't make it that time. Almost everyone has moments like this whether it is going to LGBT groups or coming out to people or whatever. Just try again and you will get there. Could you email the guy that runs it and tell him you struggled to come in? Sometimes groups will have a member of staff or something meet you and come in with you to help you. I don't know if this is an option they would offer but you could try.
Your doing great and im happy you feel close to a breakthrough, i actually feel it too for me Dont be hard on yourself what i like to do to keep me motivated is i write down every step i acheive that was big for me (however small it might seem to others). For example a while back i wrote: 1. Thinking about going to a lgbt support group. 2. Contacting the suport group 3. Thinking of going 4. Going! By the looks of it if you take my example you are 3/4 there already which is amazing. Also from experience no one in these type of groups forces you to speak you could simply go and share/speek as much or little as you want to. Thats ok! Good luck and stay strong!!
