Hi. I am a man and I consider myself to be mostly straight. I have never been attracted to a man. However there is something that has always drawn me to performing oral sex on men. Over the years, I have met many man from the internet and performed oral sex on them. However, once I orgasm( which I usually do in my pants while servicing them) that desire completely goes away. I have no idea what this means. I say that I am never going to do it again but then the desire builds up and I'm looking for someone just to do that with. Has this happened to anyone else? Any opinions on what this means?
You are gay, just accept it. It's not hard once you start to accept it, you will live a better life for it.
Welcome to EC. Sometimes romantic and sexual desires are different. They both usually align but not always. Oftentimes the characteristics and preferences people seek out in the short term, (or hook ups), are vastly different from long term romantic relationships. Whether your straight, gay, or on the spectrum. Hook ups can be very transactional in nature. I think you have a need, and once it gets fulfilled, it goes away until you feel the need again. Can you expand on why you feel mostly straight?
Hi back What you are experiencing is very common for guys who discover they are not totally (vs "mostly") straight. Especially if you're from an older generation or come from a conservative culture. i would attribute your feelings to your conditioned ideas of what is vs what 'should be.' Most of us are raised to be straight, so we have a whole bunch of programed in notions and feelings (both conscious and unconscious) of how we "should" feel and be. When reality doesn't aline with those conditioned in factors, we feel conflict. As i see it, your "desire [does not] completely go away" after you have an orgasm. i think what you are experiencing is the natural refractory period that happens after orgasm, especially in guys. i wanna take a nap after i orgasm lol. What is telling though is your cognitive/emotional response: "I say i am never going to do it again." i think that has to do with your ideas and feelings that having sex with guys is 'wrong, bad, _____________.' Chances are, you feel guilty about doing it in the first place and you fight the desire to be with a man sexually until "the desire builds up and [you're] looking for someone just to do that with." As i see it, you are self medicating. You have need/desire to be with a man sexually, but you are conflicted about that, feel guilt, shame, etc.. So your hook up is a sort of fix. i think there is a part of you that needs/wants to both be acknowledged and accepted... by you, and hooking up as you do is a way of affirming that part of you.
