Need Help. Like Gay Porn But Not Physically Attracted To Men And Date Women

Hi there, and welcome to EC! You've come to the right place to talk about this kind of thing. There are others who have likely had similar experiences.

It's tough to know what's really going on with you. It could be any number of things. Have you ever contemplated counselling to talk about some of this? Or take it up with your family doctor?

My story went like this: I didn't date much growing up either - I didn't seem interested in girls. Nor did I find that I was attracted to boys. I did discover porn though, and that was definitely a substitute. At around 20 I discovered gay porn - and liked it. But I didn't really contemplate that this meant I was gay. I just thought I was bored of the regular stuff. In my mid 20s I was introduced to a wonderful woman, and I got married. I always assumed that I would - and she like me and I liked her, so I just went with the flow. Our sex life was good, because some sex was better than no sex I guess. But later the gay porn turned to gay chat rooms and then cyber sex, phone sex, web cam sex, and finally meeting other men for sex. Never did I cheat on my wife with another woman - it was always with other men. So I finally had to admit that I had a problem with sex addiction - because I simply couldn't stop no matter how badly I wanted to - and that I was gay. I was 35.

So despite having been married for 9 years, having fathered 2 children and having a fairly satisfactory sex life with my wife, I consider myself to be gay.

At first it was strictly about the sex - and I couldn't envision having a romantic relationship with a man either. But that was because I wasn't allowing myself to consider it. Once I had separated from my wife, the idea of having a romantic relationship with a man was actually quite appealing! And before long, that's what I was in - and a year and a half ago my boyfriend became my husband.

So you never know. Time will tell. You're starting on a journey of self discovery. Good luck.

 

I don't think you are gay, but it's possible that you are and just don't want to accept it because you've been hiding from your true feelings all along. But if you ARE sexually attracted to men, just not in real life... is it possible that you are just scared or nervous of being near another mans jizz or other areas because you are unfamiliar with it or feel repressed negative emotions about it? Hm. Odd. Perhaps you are not gay just sexually confused because you stopped taking your SSRI's. And now normal porn isn't cutting it?

 

Well I have the opposite problem: I only like straight porn but when I'm with my girlfriend I have to imagine I'm with a man just to keep it up!

The porn you like doesn't say one thing or the other about who you like in real life. Maybe it's just a kink. Something new and exciting.

 

Welcome to EC!

Tough to say exactly what's going on here. I don't get much sense that you're gay and in denial. I'm a bit loathe to bring this up, but one common justification of gays-in-denial is "I only look at gay porn because I admire the men and want to be virile like them". But in your case, I wonder if that might be part of what's going on here.

Consider. You've said that you've been unable to successfully have vaginal sex with a woman, to the point that you're scared to try. And the "woman smell" you find a turn-off, all though that might be some cause and effect there. Gay porn offers you two things. One - plenty of "well-functioning" cocks. And two - no vaginas. So you can enjoy watching sexual things take place without thinking "this is what I'd be unable to do".

My main thought is that you might need counseling. There may be some "sexual block" that comes up when it comes to vaginal intercourse. Or perhaps you might just need a steady understanding partner. If there were a woman who you could go to bed with on a regular basis, and do sexual (non-penetrative) things together, you might be able to work up to vaginal intercourse once "the pressure" was somewhat less. Not sure, really.

Lex

 

hey, um well one thing about being around women and being considered one is they tell you all sorts of girl stuff you don't want to know. my gramma said it was very important to clean down there cuz guys don't like the smell.

so maybe them women need to have a gramma tell them to wash everyday, maybe more than once a day, maybe just before going out on a date too, really really well?

or use a lot of scented oils and candles in the room!

 

I am sorry to inform you that I do think you are gay. What you are expiriencing is a war with yourself to deny it.
And in regards to your aforementioned attraction towards women, we are all attracted to women when we find them beautiful, the problem is that we feel towards them is not sexual desire but admiration.

 

copas is right