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Need help forgiving myself

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Incognito10, Aug 27, 2015.

  1. Incognito10

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    I am extremely disappointed in myself right now and need help forgiving myself as it's driving me crazy. Last night, I hooked up with a man who said he was married (to a woman). I have always told myself I would never be the gay guy who falls into that sort of thing. Of course, it was a hookup and I knew it was wrong but decided to do it anyway. Of course, I didn't ask if it was an "open marriage," but most likely not.

    Thing is, I would be highly upset if someone did this to me and that is why I am upset with myself. I never have to worry about doing it again because I am making myself sick today and absolutely repulsed by my behavior. I feel this way because I violated my own character.

    I am really struggling and need help forgiving myself, so if you have anything to help me move past this, please help.
     
  2. Gravity

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    A few thoughts:

    First, one thing that could potentially make this easier is that you haven't hurt anyone other than yourself. You have no other person to apologize to - this guy chose to do this on his own, and if not you, it probably would have been another guy. So, while he may have some things to face in his future, you won't have to worry about that, and you can focus on yourself and your own feelings.

    Second, when you feel able, maybe you could try spending some time thinking about (which is different than blaming yourself for) what happened. You have a set of values that would normally prevent this from happening - so, what was different this time? Be as honest (which is different than being harsh) with yourself as you can. What was your thought process here? Were you in an abnormal situation, either emotionally, socially, or otherwise, that made this appealing even though you would normally be against it? The more you can recognize and acknowledge what led you to this, the more likely you'll be able to avoid putting yourself in that situation so it doesn't happen again.

    Third, try not to focus too much on this one thing. Don't let it define who you are. You made a mistake under your own judgment, sure. But, it's not the only choice you've ever made - and I'm sure some of your choices have been good ones. Acknowledging mistakes is a lot easier when we have other, more positive, impressions of ourselves and who we are to back us up.
     
  3. Linus

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    Forgiving yourself is easier if you're forgiven by others. Maybe try explaining your feelings of unwise choices to the guy you hooked up with?