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Need help! Feel lost in my mid 30’s FTM possibly

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by reed0684, Jun 17, 2021.

  1. reed0684

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Texas
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    Other
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    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey everyone. This is truly taking a lot for me to even speak about. I’ve always grown up seeing myself in my dreams as a country boy married to a woman, but on the outside I was a female so I came out as lesbian. I’ve never been able to fully understand why my relationships have ended but I knew somehow it was my fault. I get to a point to where I don’t even want to be intimate because I don’t want to be touched in any way because I’m not comfortable with myself, so it causes problems within my relationships.
    Then I also find myself watching people transition or hearing stories and creating a world within my head where I am able to transition.

    And don’t get me started on the “male” filters that shows you with facial hair.

    And I have been known to get aggravated when someone calls me “sir” because I have short hair but then I feel bad because I don’t think I’m aggravated with them but instead aggregated with myself and so I make a scene to cover up who I am and how I feel.

    like how did you know you were truly transgender? Has anyone had any of the above issues?

    I feel so lost
     
  2. onlyhuman33

    Full Member

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    Hey Reed,

    First, I am so sorry that your plea for help has gone this long without any responses. Secondly, I think you are very brave to come on here to talk about what you are going through. I am not a psychologist or therapist, but I really feel like what are going though is indeed gender dysphoria, and you have come to the right place because I believe the majority of us are all dysphoric too. I personally remember knowing that something was different about me at a very young age. It wasn't until I was in my 40's that I finally got fed up feeling so much pain and resentment that I did something about it. I am MTF, so everything from clothes shopping with my wife and daughter, to watching females on tv or in the movies tore me up inside.

    My advice is to maybe start seeing a trans-friendly therapist and maybe he/she could better help you to figure things out.

    I know this isn't much help. Maybe I'm not the best source of advice for this particular thread, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and thought of. Good luck and lots of big hugs and good Juju coming your way!!
     
  3. Robyn mac

    Regular Member

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    You have some self awareness that your mad at yourself and not the person who called you sir. What you do need is a good therapist who could help you get ideals together.
     
  4. quebec

    Advisor Full Member

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    Reed.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! :old_smile: There is a sub-forum here titled “Gender Identity and Expression” if you post there I think you’ll find people who will understand what you are dealing with. This is a community of loving, caring and very supportive people and we will do our best to help you blend into the community. You can ask questions in any of the Sub-forums by creating a new thread or by joining in a conversation-thread that is already going. You can also post a message on anyone's Profile Page after you have made at least ten posts yourself. If you have a question that is somewhat private you can always send a Private Message to any Staff Member. Normally Private Messages can only be exchanged between two Full Members, but a PM to a Staff Member is an exception. :old_wink: We are so glad that you have found us here on Empty Closets! :old_big_grin:
    .....David :gay_pride_flag: