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need help dealing with controlling parents

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by CyberStar, Jun 24, 2015.

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  1. CyberStar

    CyberStar
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    My parents are really controlling. The problem is, I did some stupid stuff in the past and they want to stop me from doing it again. So they take away my decisions. Now, I have trouble making them for myself, along with a lack of self discipline that I'm pretty sure comes from them insisting on doing everything for me. Meanwhile, they act faultless while apparently I do everything wrong (they don't say that, but I know it's what they think). They are also emotionally manipulative: like, they somehow got a certain degree of loyalty from me, so even though I ignore them on small things I feel compelled to follow their viewpoint on anything big. And I feel afraid to talk to them about anything they may not like. This isn't good for me. I can't function in the adult world with this frame of mind, and I'm almost 18. I used to go to a counselor, but my parents stopped talking me because we can't afford it ($200 a week). But I still need help. Anybody have advice?
     
    #1 CyberStar, Jun 24, 2015
  2. Aspen

    Aspen
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    Ugh my mom is the same way. Is there any chance that you could go away to college? My relationship with my mom and my own general mental health was a hundred times better at college. I lived almost entirely independently and only called home when I felt like it. And universities typically offer counseling services.

    What about a job? At the very least it would get you away from them for a while and help you earn money that you could put toward a counselor or moving out.
     
    #2 Aspen, Jun 24, 2015
  3. CaillenJames

    CaillenJames
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    Controlling parents... it's never an easy thing to deal with. I don't know the mistake you made in the past but we're all guilty of them. No one is faultless. I can understand your parents wanting to protect you from the mistakes you've made and could potentially make again, but that is impossible. Life is all about making mistakes. It's how we learn. You should be free to fall on your own and get back up on your own. If they truly are taking away your freedom to fail, then they are doing you a disservice.

    At the same time, I think it's important to take responsibility for one's own actions. If you feel that you can't speak up for yourself, then you will never get anywhere with your parents or in life. Learning to speak up for yourself is part of growing up. I don't think 'running away' to college or burying your head in a job is going to solve your problem. Put a Band-Aid on it maybe, but that's not a solution. It may be difficult, but I think you should try to talk to them. Parents... good parents... want the best for their children. I'm sure that telling your parents that you want to take responsibility for your life will make them happy; seeing you speak up for yourself (respectfully) will show them that you are growing up and that you are ready to receive their respect in turn.

    I hope that helps. Good luck
     
    #3 CaillenJames, Jun 25, 2015
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