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Need Advice

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by FalconBlueSky00, Feb 6, 2017.

  1. FalconBlueSky00

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    So I'm preparing to come out to my dads side of the family. Part of this is setting some boundaries that I think have been crossed for a long time.

    When I was 18 my dad had me sign a power of attorney to him. He explained that it was revocable, and that it would help him to manage business interests for me. I'm not sure if I even have a copy of the document. My dad can be kind of manipulative so I'm thinking that revoking this before I come out is a good idea. The only problem is I just googled how to do this and it's a mess. You have to send a revocation to every place it's been used, and I have no idea what all he's done with it.

    Yes I know it was dumb to sign it. I was young and my dad made it sound like it was no big deal though. By the time I was old enough to realize what I had handed over the damage was already done. Now I'm deeply uncomfortable with it, and at the same time I'm going to have to have his cooperation to get out of it. Soooooo.... any suggestions on how to bring this up with him and get it done without legal help?
     
  2. YeahpIdk

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    Assuming he has power of attorney over you for some reason (disability, business or otherwise), I would encourage you to, at the very least, speak with a lawyer to understand what the process would be for you to reverse that, if you can.

    Especially because it may be different by state, I would call a law office and ask a lawyer who deals with this kind of thing if they'd let you ask a few questions about this. Most offices will give out a bit of free advice. If it's not easy to do it on your own, or they can't provide you with the information you need because they want payment for the advice (I feel like many places will happily give some for free), you can also get in touch with a law school in the area.

    Most will give advice for free, they're usually super happy to help, and if it requires further legal action, you could possibly get a law student to help you out pro bono.

    I imagine that this will have to be done legally no matter what. Unless you can find the proper paper work and he willingly signs it back over to you - but still, it falls under some kind of legality. I imagine it will all depend on why he has power of attorney over you, what your rights are in regard to that, and how the state handles it mixed with his willingness to cooperate.
     
    #2 YeahpIdk, Feb 6, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2017
  3. FalconBlueSky00

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    He has power of attorney over me because I let him have it. No disability, I was so used to being controlled that when I came of age I handed it over pretty much without question. Now kicking myself, but I hope any young person reading this learns that it's not as revokeable as it can be made to sound.
     
  4. Zen fix

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    That's a pretty weird thing to do. You said your dad is manipulative? Abuser? Not a lawyer but I'd be willing to bet that he can find himself in trouble if he's been using this power in ways that are not in your best interest.
    That's usually the purpose of those things. It does give them power but you can't just own someone.
    I don't know how you can do this without a lawyer. You really need to get a consultation. You want this done right and you run the risk of being manipulated again if you try to handle it yourself.
    A lawyer will also be able to tell if your father mismanaged your assets and can advise on whether you might take legal action. Having someone who knows their stuff and isn't going to get bogged down with emotions is likely what you could use now. Sorry your dad did this. It wasn't right and it's not your fault.
     
  5. Sawyer

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    Would you be able to talk to your father about possibly revoking the POA? It seems odd that you would need to sign one since most POAs are for property or illness. Worse case is financial things he could have put your name on without you knowing.

    If your father is being uncooperative when you express your concerns, I'm sure if you feel like he is unfit to be your POA, that should help the process to get it revoked, and like others have said, I am sure there is a lawyer where you are that could help.
     
  6. FalconBlueSky00

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    I'm going to try talking to him first. For one I can't afford a lawyer, and two I want a chance at resetting the relationship. Part of that comes with me setting boundaries and being honest with him about who I am by coming out. If I go for the lawyer first it will cause friction that could possibly be avoided. My dad, while super manipulative, doesn't actually know another way to interact with people including his wife. If it is abuse it isn't abuse with malice or intent. It's apart of who he is, and I'm unlikely to change that. On the other hand he truly loves me. He's told me many times that he didn't want children, but on the day I was born his whole reason for being changed when he saw me. So while he is who he is, I feel like I've got something to work with. I don't think he is mishandling assets, but there is a strong chance he's made investments or political donations in my name that I know nothing about. In any case it's too much power for someone to have over another person without very good reason.
     
  7. Adray

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    I hope it goes great for you, Bunny. You are an awesome person. Better days are ahead!
     
  8. Zen fix

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    As far as payment goes. If you consult with a lawyer be up front about your ability to pay. If you really think that your dad has been making investments in your name then that money is yours.
    My worry is if you go to him in an effort to be up front this will tip him off and he can start moving things. This could make it more difficult later if he is resistant to relinquishing the POA. Or returning your assets. Stop worrying about causing friction. You have a right to have someone look out for your best interests. If getting legal assistance upsets your dad that is his problem not yours.
     
  9. FalconBlueSky00

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    Zen Fix,
    I agree that if he is doing lots of dishonest stuff in my name that is completely unacceptable. Tipping him off really isn't a worry I have though. I haven't given him any money from my accounts, and most of my inherited assets are in hard things like property that would be hard to sell off without getting him in major trouble. Also I don't think he has any interest in taking my money away, he has a bunch of money himself. He mostly is meddlesome, and a control freak. He's taken some license to run financial things for me donating some of his own money to do it. But the problem is he doesn't ask me, or consult me, or even teach me anything about how to do financial investments on my own. I have no idea about somethings until he's well into it, and he's invested in some companies that I don't approve of. The second problem is I want to come out of the closet but I have no idea what what kind of trouble someone who gets up about your sexuality and also has your POA can cause you. My guess would be significant.

    I kinda freaked out when I realized how hard it will be to get out of this mess. I have to revoke the POA and then I have to send the revocation to every individual business, company, etc.. that he's ever used it with. He had me sign the thing in 2000 (I found a copy, thank goodness I'm a pack rat) and I have very little clue who he's used it with since. Basically without his cooperation it would be a nightmare of research. I could easily spend the next few years of my life trying to tie up the loose ends. With that in mind I really want to try to work it out him, and to cut off any future trouble he could cause. And truly I'm not all that concerned with financial justice. I just want my life to be my own. I've fought my way free of so many different kinds up messed up family problems, and what I've learn from that is that justice isn't something that your likely to find. If I can find peace for myself that is all I really want.

    Adray,
    Your the best, thanks for the encouragement.(*hug*)
     
  10. YeahpIdk

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    With all of that said, it would likely still be wise to speak with a lawyer about it. No one has to know you did that but yourself. This way, you know what could go wrong, and if it does, how you'd be able to correct it. No better peace than having proper knowledge.
     
    #10 YeahpIdk, Feb 10, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2017
  11. Moonsparkle

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    Most states have some sort of Legal Aid service for people who can't pay. In my state this service offers free, general advice on the phone and can refer you to lower cost legal options if necessary. No one needs to know you have called to get information.

    There can be different 'levels' of power of attorney--you definitely need more information from a legal professional on exactly what your document says. Even if you do have to spend a little money it will be money well spent. After all this is understandably weighing on your mind heavily. In speaking with a professional you will at least you will have knowledge on your side. This in itself will probably feel empowering. Then you can make an informed decision on how you want to proceed. Best of luck...this is a difficult situation for sure!
     
  12. Landgirl

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    If you don't have money for a lawyer, do you have a local women's centre? They often have somebody who can give free legal advice to women who are in danger of being abused or exploited, or have problems freeing themselves from controlling family members.