i am 28 years old but i i have a deep sense of sadness that i have missed a whole part of my life with no sexual or romantic experience. I always had this feeling that made me mostly angry but i met someone last year who i experienced a very intense relationship (no full sex) and now that she doesnt seem to be interested i am extremely sad i miss how i i w when i was with her (loving, affectionate, felt desired) and now its all gone i i fell broken (and slightly angry at myself for not pushing myself enough and have sex) i would like to be able to feel sad without being sad about "missing her" but at the moment missing being gay and missing her are pretty much the same thing...i know i should try meet other people but i dont want to i still feel im "attached" to this girl...my therapist is helping me navegate through this but i i guess in between sessions it gets hard...
That sounds tough Some similarities between your situation and mine. To take my mind off things, I've entrenched myself into a habit of compulsively watching comedy, where I'm not required to take anything too seriously - the sillier, the better. Talking to a therapist sounds like a much better way to go though. Assuming your therapist is a relatively suitable match for you and you trust her/him, I'd say keep making the most of the sessions.
It seems to me like you idealize this girl because she was the first girl you had a thing with more than because you were made for each other. I think you did right not to have sex if you didn’t feel ready. When the moment (and the person) is right you won’t even have to convince yourself to go through with it. Your mistake lays in relying on being with someone to be who you want to be. You do not need a specific girl to feel loving/loved, affectionate and desirable, of course having someone to target these actions towards help but it’s a bit of a catch-22, if you need validation from others to define and confirm who you are and that you belong, you are unlikely to get it. Confidence is sexy, this girl was there to prove you that you ARE desirable and loving and affectionate BUT it doesn’t stop with her. Your biggest mistake would be to hold on to a girl who have moved on instead of throwing yourself in the lion’s den and use your new found experience to get something even better. I get where you are coming from, because I too have a girl I met a year ago I struggle to feel anyone will ever equal but I still go out and meet people, and have flings and go on date and I am glad I do because I have met women who are way worth meeting and unique in their own ways.
