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Natural choice of therapist ... or internalised homophobia in play?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by bingostring, Dec 16, 2020.

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  1. bingostring

    bingostring
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    In the past, I have repeatedly chosen a gay male therapist.

    I always thought it was because “I need someone who can relate to my own struggles”. ( how could a female/male straight therapist ever understand me?)

    but I have increasingly thought “...was it because I am afraid of a straight therapist feeling uncomfortable/ disgusted / wanting to leave the room or even become violent?”. Internalised homophobia showing through?
     
    #1 bingostring, Dec 16, 2020
  2. QuietPeace

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    It does not have to be internalized homophobia, it could be a natural fear as a consequence of living in a heteronormative & homophobic society.

    I have always sought out women, though I have never inquired as to their orientation. I start the first few sessions revealing my birth assignment and some of my relationship history. So far I have been through quite a few and none had problems, though some had more experience and understanding than others.
     
    #2 QuietPeace, Dec 16, 2020
  3. brainwashed

    brainwashed
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    Really could not say. I do see something in play here which is why I'm replying. I see something I do ALL THE DAMN TIME. I think and control my actions based upon conjecture of what I think people think of me. I gather no FACTS to back up my decisions when these moments occur.

    I will also say I grossly underestimated the power and breadth of internalized homophobia.

    I am also catching myself saying to myself, I dont give a fuck what others think of me. If they have a problem with the fact I'm gay, thats their problem not mine.
     
    #3 brainwashed, Dec 16, 2020
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2020
  4. Chip

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    Choosing a therapist is often a function of safety. We choose someone we feel we can relate to and trust. I've never had a gay therapist. I've had two women and two men.

    By nature of who they are, a competent, effective therapist is inherently nonjudgmental. Therapists treat people who are rapists, child molesters, murderers, sociopaths, and people who are just about every other type of social deviant on the planet. To be fair, I've run across many therapists, who haven't worked out their own shit, who are super judgmental and say "I would *never* work with a ____________" (referring to one of the social deviancies listed above.) But it's pretty rare in 2020, even in the most bigoted parts of the country, for a therapist to be judgmental about LGBT people, *unless* one makes the mistake of going to a fundy Christian therapist. Those folks, if they bring their religion into their therapy, should not have licenses.

    I wouldn't read too much into your decision. Nearly everyone, gay or straight, has some internalized homophobia. For that matter, everyone has some sort of internalized discomfort about some group of people or activity. It's the therapist's job to help the client understand and process those fears.
     
    #4 Chip, Dec 16, 2020
  5. zename

    zename
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    Agree whole-heartedly that one should pick who they are comfortable with and feel they can have a safe/trusting/welcoming sessions. I've tended to pick female therapists, and my one stint with a gay male therapist was very disappointing.

    On the second point, IMHO, as long as a therapist who follows a "religious themed" therapy style, is up-front about it, I don't think there should be a problem.

    While searching for a couples therapist for my fiancé and I, there are quite a number of places offering Bible/Christ centered counseling. For some people, that may be what they are looking for. For others, certainly not.
     
    #5 zename, Dec 16, 2020
  6. Chip

    Chip
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    Agreed that if one is seeking Christ-centered counseling, one should be going to a pastor or otherwise has religious training.

    The challenge is, the values of the mental health profession in terms of nonjudgment, avoiding giving advice, encouraging the client's autonomy and self-direction, and helping the client figure out their own values without imposing any values that belong to the therapist are pretty diametrically opposed to the values of Christianity, and thus, it is near impossible to ethically practice psychotherapy or social work, according to the ethical standards dictated by the profession, if one is also adhering to the values of Biblical counseling.

    Both are legitimate, certainly, but some Christian values (at least, as most commonly practiced) go directly against the ethical standards and guidelines of the profession, which is unfortunate. I know many therapists who are Christian and have those values, but manage to set them aside when counseling, so they can counsel ethically. And I know others who, for whatever reason, can't do this. It's the latter group I'm speaking of.
     
    #6 Chip, Dec 16, 2020
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