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Names

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by MaybeBenji, Dec 12, 2019.

  1. MaybeBenji

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 29, 2015
    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
    20
    Location:
    The South
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I'm ftm and out to my mom and sister (who I live with). I'm not out to my dad because our relationship is pretty bad and I know coming out will make it worse.

    I came out to my mom in February. She hasn't used my new name or called me her son yet. I know it takes time but it's getting annoying.

    I'm hoping to legally change my name soon. I would like my mom to be there to support me through it.

    How do I talk to her about using my name? How do I explain how shitty it feels when she calls me her daughter? How do I ask her to go with me to the courthouse?

    I'm almost 6 months on t and starting to look into top surgery. I pass occasionally out in public. But when my mom is there, I don't pass. She will "correct" people if they call me "he". At this point, I don't really care if she calls me her son, I just wish she'd stop calling me her daughter.

    I'm really nervous to go to the courthouse. It's in the city and I don't really know what I'm doing. I'd like to have her there to support me. I just worry that I'll be asking the judge to call me "Ben" when my mother doesn't. How can I expect the government to see me as male when no one does?

    Any advice to talk to her? Should I come out to my dad before I change my name? I haven't seen him in a year and a half and don't plan on seeing him anytime soon.
     
  2. LaurenSkye

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2012
    Messages:
    1,167
    Likes Received:
    142
    Location:
    Cincinnati, OH
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Instead of saying to your mom that you don't like when she calls you her daughter, remind her that you are a boy now and that you want to be called by your new name. Remind her of that every time she misgender's you. As far as your father goes it kinda sounds like you don't even have a relationship with him anymore and you don't necessarily want to have one. If that is true then on the one hand, you owe him nothing, on the other hand if you don't want to have a relationship with him anymore than might not be much harm in telling him.