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My transition plan.

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by WarmEmbrace, Jan 10, 2017.

  1. WarmEmbrace

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    So there's a 2.5 or 3 year plan has taken shape in my mind and it clarifies more each day. Planning to discuss it with my gender therapist at our next meeting atm. It goes like this

    I am giving myself about 6 months to wrap up current projects up at my current workplace , and prepare all my friends for that's to come . I might or might not start already HrT in parallel, still to be decided.

    I project that at the end of these 6 months, my total economies set aside in my life so far would be enough for three years worth of HrT, also for SRS for when the time comes, Laser/ Electrolisis hair removal sessions and the fullest plate of FFS available, complete with travel expenses to the places in the world needed to get those (I just can't imagine decent results without FFS at 38), as well as some smaller interventions (such as a very new stem cell based treatment for complete hair regrowth developed in Japan, that has has been undergoing trials for a number of years, results are incredible, and will finally be launched in 2018, so that's is my solution for not having to rely on tricks or wigs if post HrT my hair volume and hairline is not ideal).

    Depending on how well the project at work pans out in the next 6 months, I might actually also have at my disposal in addition to the above, all typical living expenses (and wardrobe expenses) and psychological therapy costs set aside for two to three full years. (So If i get too depressed, I won't have to work during the transition at all, if I don't want to, I can focus on taking care of me. I fully expect to lose my current job immediately as the first transgender cues will become visible) . Also I can try and freelance from home part time as not to dip into that living expense reserve too much, and maybe turn it into a strategical reserve meant for for health complications and/or breast implants should i deem it necessary later on.

    I am quite aware there's going to be a long self reconstructing process, with ups and downs, and a lot of things to learn, and there's a chance I might or might not make it to the other end.. but hopefully at the end of these 2.5-3 years the new me, a me I can actually enjoy being in a physical world, a me whose looks and desires are in sync and a me am not deeply ashamed of will be complete and ready to step into the world.

    There was no way I could have afforded any of the above during my mid 20 'to late and early 30's, so not beating myself too hard over not drafting this plan sooner. I mean in some way it is still 6 months too soon :slight_smile:.I also know I couldn't have transitioned in my teens when HrT alone might have been enough, and no extra costs other than SRS would have been needed as my family wouldn't have ever been supportive, and I wasn't financially stable on my own anyway.

    But standing on the ledge, I have to wonder am I really mentally ready to dive in ? Must figure this out in the next few weeks/months.

    In the interim, I'll be slowly improving my diet, working on in private on my mannerisms, way I sit, walk, talk and gesture , shifting cosmetics usage, allowing myself to do more feminine things that I would have self censored before.

    There's a knot in my stomach as I am typing this. I thought this would be easier, after all this time. :confused:
     
  2. baristajedi

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    Congratulations warmembrace! Anew chapter in your life is starting, this is amazing. It's true that you are coming into the full and whole you st the right time in your life. No regrets about the past.
     
  3. I'm gay

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    The amount of thinking, planning and preparation that has gone into this tells me that you are ready. You're nervous and worried, of course, and self-doubt is still at the center of your struggle (it is for all of us, really). Don't let your nervousness, worries and self-doubt confuse you and make you think it tells you that you're not ready to do this.

    Being ready for the coming challenge and having worries and doubts are not mutually exclusive. The presence of worry and doubts should not make you re-think your commitment to your plan - just see it for what it is - normal worries and doubts.

    The new you is just around the corner.

    Take care. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  4. Rachyl

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    Totally mad props for this phenomenal outline. This is absolutely fantastic. Just remember that things don't always go as we wish, but you have a really good head on your shoulders and I think that you'll do fabulously.

    Congratulations on moving forward with becoming YOU :slight_smile:
     
  5. WarmEmbrace

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    Thank you BaristaJedi :slight_smile:
    I wish I would be as confident as you are about it :slight_smile: Some part of me is still divided. I'm sure some vent in the near future will help me figure it out. Therapy session is tomorrow :slight_smile:



    Thank you I'm gay. Been thinking about this all my life in one way or another, and have built various plans at various stages :slight_smile:. but this is actually a plan that is not based on miracles, fairies or magic wands, wish granting genies, on winning the lottery. For once this is all within my power to execute. I'm the kind who measures three times to cut once (no pun intended :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: ) because the cut has to be masterfully executed, as there's no undoing it. I tend to overthink things before starting ( these are not even half the details in the plan :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:), but once I'm committed to a course there's no hesitation and no turning back. Thank you for the encouragement.


    Thank you so much Rachyl (*hug*). I know results can vary. I also know that life post transition in some aspects can be tougher than pre-transition, with health complications, societal pressure and whatnot. I know dysphoria might actually still be there after the transition is the results are questionable (the thought of ending up looking like a caricature terrifies me ). Anyway this goes, as long as I stay true to myself, it'll turn out alright I think.

    I really wish there would have been another way to kick the dysphoria. I've looked for that alternate way so many years. Religion. Work. Philosophy. Therapy. Too many maybe. All proved to be dead ends. Transition seems to be the only way that has even half a chance of working. Without defeating the dysphoria, I can't radiate happiness around, just wearing this body saps so much of my "Joie de vivre" ( not to mention the distress it causes me when I am intimate), and I can't be a good life partner like this for anyone. Nor a good parent. So what is there to do but try ? I'm not a person who gives up easily. I don't do this because I am defeated, I do this because I see it as a way to continue fighting. (*hug*)

    ---------- Post added 12th Jan 2017 at 06:30 PM ----------

    * by "vent" I mean "event" :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: in the first reply :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  6. baristajedi

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    You seem quite confident to me. :slight_smile: it's normal to have doubts and fears. You seem like a woman who knows what she wants, with a clear head on your shoulders and a lovely fun positive attitude. All of this will take you far.