My straight friend got a boyfriend and it kind of broke my heart

Hi!
Two weeks ago, I found out that my friend had gotten a boyfriend, and it kind of broke my heart.

I have known my friend for 1 1/2 year, and I have become very fond of her. She is the sweetest, most beautiful, brightest, kindest, most wonderful person that you can imagine. I have liked her since the moment I first met her, and a little more than a year ago I got a pretty serious crush on her. She is of course straight, and I know that we would never be anything more than friends. But that doesn't make it all less painful. She lives far away from me and the only contact we have had the last year, apart from a few visits to each other’s hometowns and a few video chats on Messenger is a snap streak that has been going since March 2020 (almost a year now!). That may not seem like much, but we always have a great time together and I think that we have a truly wonderful connection (platonically, of course)

When I heard that she had gotten a boyfriend, I got so sad. I keep imagining her and her boyfriend cuddling and kissing and being a couple together, and it hurts so much. I know that I should be happy and excited for her, but I keep thinking about how wonderful it would be to be her girlfriend and how good it would feel if she cuddled and kissed me instead of him. (which I know will never happen, of course)

I have kind of accepted the thought of never being in a relationship with her, because I know that it is impossible, but I still want to keep her in my life, as a friend I can trust and keep in touch with forever. I am so scared that I am going to loose her to her boyfriend and that she will forget that I exist. She has so many other, more interesting friends, and I struggle to see why she would want to keep me as a friend.

Have any of you experienced anything similar to this? Do you think I will loose my friend because of her boyfriend? It would be so great to know that I am not the only one to struggle with these thoughts, so feel free to share your own experiences


Thanks for reading this! <3
Lots of love to all of you <3

 

Hi, LostInDaydreams!
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply! I really appreciate it! <3

I don't know why I am so worried that our friendship will end, but I guess it's because I find it very hard to trust people in general, and since I have known her for only 1,5 year, I keep looking for signs that our friendship is about to end. I have been abandoned by close friends before and I don't see why it wouldn't happen again with her, expecially now that she has gotten a boyfriend. Objectively, there isn't anything in particular that indicates that she will abandon me, so I guess I shouldn't worry too much about it. Currently, (for almost four weeks), her boyfriend is staying in her apartment, so it makes sense that she's had a lot less time to respond to my messages. However, she always responds eventually, and she still seems to care about how and what I am doing.

Our communication has been reduced a lot these last few weeks, and even though it is sad, it has also been kind of good, considering that I still have a crush on her. I have become a lot less addicted to my phone, and I've (as you suggested) done many other things to distract myself. For instance I am doing different creative projects, learning how to cook better, I'm studying at a university (online of course..), and I'm working on getting my driver's licence.

You are right in assuming that my self esteem is low. It really is, and I honestly don't know how to improve it :/

Anyway: Thanks for replying! I hope you are having a good day!

 

Thanks for taking the time to reply!
I know that I'm young (only 21) and that it is normal for friends to disappear out of ones life, but that doesn't make it less sad. I really want to keep her in my life, she is such a great person! I understand and accept that we will never be more than friends, but the thought of not even being her friend is so hard and painful to consider. I know that the reasonable thing to do probably is to limit or cut contact with her, but I feel that I'll be making a big mistake to shut her completely out of my life. I am sure I will regret it later :/

 

Thanks for replying again! It is very helpful
She is pretty mature, but I don't think I will ever express my feelings to her. That will likely only make the situation more awkward. However I will try to keep her in my life as long as possible, even though it may be a little painful at this time. I have already limited the contact with her a lot and I feel that limiting it even more will come off as rude

 

Ahh, I understand. I'll think about it
Thanks for caring <3