Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by HisMom, Nov 14, 2013.
You're an amazing mom and your son is so lucky to have you
If you tell his dad, that's going to strain the relationship. My mom did exactly that when my aunt told her that I'm gay, and it made me so angry at her, and I'm still working on that. All I can say is don't do it.
Wow that's so true because my dad's sister is gay.
Not necessarily. At first I made it clear to my mother not to tell my father, but after a single day I could see how difficult it was for her to deal with this on my own. Just as I had confided in her, the least I could do was grant her permission to confide in her other half. Things turned out fine...eventually.
When i told my mum, i never mentioned my dad at all. The next day i had made an opportunity to tell my dad, but i bottled it and he said to me when we were almost home that mum had told him. It didnt bother me, it saved me the effort. Coming out is far harder for me than when someone else brings it up.
This is kinda related, when i told my sister, months before my parents, i told her not to tell them but she could talk to her friends. It is hard to have to keep it to yourself, i cant keep anything to myself! Try talking to him, offer to tell his dad for him. See how he responds.
He's out to everyone. The world as of Friday. He posted it on social media and his entire football team liked and supported the post. My boy is lighter and happier than I've ever seen him and this journey really did begin here with you guys.
The thing is if he is gay and continued to hide it for the sake of appearing "normal" then at school dances when dancing with a girl he wouldn't be happy because he would know that he's just going though the motions even if no one else does.
I recently started posting on here after my son (20) came out to me. I’m so happy to hear that your sons friends are being supportive and that he feels so good to be out and free. My son has only told a handful of people and his Dad is not one of them yet. He came close to telling his buddies last weekend but didn’t.
I hope he finds the same happiness and joy that your son is as it is a difficult thing and a leap of faith in love and friendships.
It's so great to hear that he's out and everything is well! If time permits, it would be great if you could stick around and share your experiences with other parents (and others), as the aloneness one feels when first going through this process is one of the biggest challenges most parents experience.
Congratulations to you and to your son.
I would have said "I'm glad you're realizing that about yourself and figuring out who you are, and that you told me. I'm so happy our relationship is that great, however, you are not dating until you're 16 anyway so, go do your homework!!" lol I'm totally joking. It's great that he felt comfortable enough to discuss this with you. I wish that sexuality wasn't even made a big deal out of at all. Society makes us feel like we should be ashamed and it's good that he felt open enough with you to tell you, so kudos to you Mom!
However, stereotypes are a horrible problem when it comes to being gay. I hate when someone says to me, "You're too pretty to be gay/bi." "You don't 'look' gay." "You just haven't met the right guy." I love the line from the song "Same Love" by Macklemore...
"When I was in the 3rd grade I thought that I was gay 'cause I could draw,
My uncle was and I kept my room straight
I told my mom, tears rushing down my face, she's like,
'Ben you've loved girls since before pre-K'
Trippin', yeah, I guess she had a point, didn't she?
A bunch of stereotypes all in my head
I remember doing the math like 'Yeah, I'm good a little league'
A pre-conceived idea of what it all meant
For those who like the same sex had the characteristics
The right-wing conservatives think its a decision
And you can be cured with some treatment and religion
Man-made, rewiring of a pre-disposition. Playing God..."
Not everyone fits in those silly stereotypes LGBT are given.
Last year my then 9 year old daughter (all my lesbian friends and ex girlfriends (I'm bi btw) swear she will come out someday) was telling me about this girl in class who was always touching her, pushing or whatever, and always following her but also teasing her at the same time. I told her that the girl had a crush on her (she was 9 at the time) and she said "oh well, she's rude, and not even cute."(or something to that effect). She didn't say, "Eww she's a girl." She had no reaction about the girls gender whatsoever. I have even asked her if she liked girls before and she said "I don't like anyone right now Mom, they all annoy me." Yes, she is slightly dramatic. I just know that if/when she does come out someday, it will be like "Hey mom, I like girls." me: "cool, what do you want for dinner?" I say just don't make a huge deal about it but let him know, even if by dropping small hints every once in a while, that you support him 100% no matter who he feels attracted to. He needs to know that there is nothing wrong with him and regardless he's still the son your know and love. We all have to remember that being LGBTQ is only a part of who we are, not all of it, there are other amazing things about each of us aside from our sexual preference.
One thing I will add is that as an older male who come out as gay when my mother told me "Am I sure." I truly felt that she was basically trying to tell me I didn't know about my sexuality even though it took almost 5 years for me to work out who I was in terms of my sexuality. I think the way you act is actually dependent on the person, although a must not is basically denying his sexuality or reacting in a way which is hateful.
I love how you are reacting to your son, it makes me wish that I had a parent like you, you are the perfect mum supporting your son in the way that you are and yes it can be hard to keep the secret but if someone tells someone else without his permission that would be a betrayal of his trust and I love the fact you didn't tell anyone, You really are an amazing parent, more parents need to be like you are, because you will grow closer to your son and he will absolutely love and trust you. I am also crying over how great a mum you have been for your son.
I will pop in from time to time. I hated keeping his secret in part because I'm not a secret keeper but mostly because I know how hard it must have been for him.
it's funny now anyone who wants to know about my kid could look on instagram and see it but I don't think I've told anyone but my closest girlfriends that he came out, mostly because it doesn't matter. It's sort of like the fact that I didn't mention that my other child was dating. It's just sort of something no one cares about.
That's the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me. We can't help but love our kids and the only thing I want is for them to feel loved and wanted and supported both by us (his parents) and later on by the family he creates. We're entering the age for dating now (?) soon (?) and there have been some pretty funny discussions about how he worked his confusion.
I'll never know what it's like to be gay but it's clear that he has no interest in girls but because it's the norm he's compelled to ask himself if he does? He said he tried kissing a girl and dated another and then laughed hysterically and couldn't quite finish the sentence. So I'm guessing that's the end of the four-year journey of questioning.
Again, I have nothing to compare this to. I kissed a boy as a teenage girl and thought it was the greatest thing ever so I kissed every boy that would kiss me back!
It is so nice to see a happy ending.
This is incredible! I’m glad that things went well, and thanks from all of us for being accepting and loyal to your son. You did a much better job handling this than my mother did.
Hi! You worried about who your son would dance with at school functions. My son has yet to miss a dance, he always just takes a girl friend! Your son will be okay as long as he has an alli, someone who he can speak openly to. Keep your eye on him for signs of depresion. Love him to pieces regardless of your feelings about the whole situation. Tell him every single day you love and value him. Nobody chooses to walk this path, to be ostracised and singled out. Stand with him and for him. Educate yourself. Give yourself permission to grieve. It is a loss of a dream. I really wanted a daughter in law! I shared this one day with my son and he replied "but Mom, what could be better than another person just like me?!" Lol!
Great response from your son... and very true.