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My son is in love with a foreign...man?

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by willdavis, Aug 2, 2018.

  1. willdavis

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    It was always normal for us that my son brings his friends in the house. Sometimes, his friends even spend the night and it was all okay with us. I mean, what could two guys do inside a room, right? They would probably just be playing some video games, watching some movies, and some may watch pornographical videos. That’s normal and I don’t really have a problem with that. That is way better than your son confessing he’s in love with a foreign guy. However, what happened to me was the latter instead of the former. Of course, it all came as a surprise to us. To be honest, I was even outraged. He came home for dinner one night with a foreign guy whom we happily invited for dinner thinking he was a friend of my son. When finner ended, he spilled out the beans that he is gay and the foreign guy is his boyfriend. All this time, we thought he is a man. I just can’t imagine how this happened.
     
  2. PatrickUK

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    Would it be any better if he was in love with a man from your own country? I'm not asking this question to sound challenging, I'm just trying to understand what you are most outraged about.

    It's normal for parents to go through a whole range of emotions and feelings when one of their children admits to being gay - anger is one of the common feelings in this situation and it takes time to process it all. One great source of information and support is PFLAG: www.pflag.org - an organisation that has a long track record of supporting parents of gay kids. Take a look at their website and see if there is a group near you.

    For the sake of your relationship with your son I would urge you to try to be understanding. I'm sure it's difficult for you as the news has come as a complete shock, but if you can it would help a lot.
     
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  3. Linning

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    If that makes you feel any better he probably also played video games and watched porn (may not have been the porn you had hoped for though)...

    Jokes apart, reread your post and think that this is your son you are talking about

    If the worst thing he is doing is being in love with a man (foreign or not) then you can count your lucky star. He is still a man (what does that even mean? Men who never have sex with women are still men so not sure what point you are trying to make?) And love it or not, he is still your son.


    The question isn't how it happened, the question is what do you plan on doing to support your son through his journey and overcome your prejudice keeping in mind that the end goal is seeing him happy. And the answer is?

    Finding out someone is gay can be shocking but in the grand scheme of things there really are worse things in life, he is still the same person he was before you found out, he is still your son.


    You are not going to be able to change his sexuality, but you can change how you navigate your own feelings. Maybe find a group for parents of LGBTQ+ people so you can talk with other parents going through the same thing in your area and find the support you need so you can provide the support your son need in return.
     
  4. willdavis

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    As of the moment, I really don't know how I can manage to cope up with the situation. Anyway, I should try reconsidering what he may actually feel if I was to show despise on his decision. Besides, I cannot do anything about it anymore and it's not like I can change him with my anger.

    Thank you so much for your responses. I am somehow enlightened on this matter.
     
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  5. Linning

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    Glad to hear you are seeing things from on other point of view and are considering giving him your support.

    Remember that the end goal is always going to be your son's happiness.

    Again it's normal to be shocked and to need time to process your own feelings toward the matter.

    I just noticed your profile identify you as gay though? is that the case or you filled out the form as if it was about your son?
     
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  6. Totesgaybrah

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    Will, you seem like a good caring father. Just the fact that you reached out to this forum shows that.

    I know this is a big shock to you and it probably changes the plans, thoughts and ideas you probably had for your sons future.

    However your son is still the same person he has always been. He will always be your son, if you can accept and support him I know that it would mean the world to him.

    We understand you need time to process and your acceptance won’t come overnight, but please keep an open mind and continue to show love and support.
    This is probably a really hard time for your son as well. He just shared the biggest secret of his life with the people he probably cares about the most.
     
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  7. Billy the kid

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    Well its not a choice that he is gay, it's not your fault that he's gay. The fact that he told you is great, he has courage. what do you want for your son? Happiness? Success? There is so much more to life than sexuality. Just keep raising him like you always have. Nothing has really changed, you are just lucky enough to have a child that will be honest with you. You know who he really is. Just keep loving him and encouraging him to lead a good healthy happy life. He is alive, I don't think there is any need to treat him any differently. Thanks for reaching out to the forum and good luck raising him, he will be your son till the end.