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My sister just came out as trans.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Mr.Pushover, Oct 11, 2011.

  1. Mr.Pushover

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    So yeah, as part of National Coming Out Day, my sister (who was originally lesbian) came out as trans. Of course, I have no problem with this, I support each spectrum of the rainbow. I only think I'm gonna have trouble getting used to this, and might accidentally offend my sister (I guess I should say brother?). I'm sorry if I seem blunt, but it confuses me a little..

    My other problem is helping my parents cope with this, as they are not happy at all about it. What advice can you guys give me?

    Thank you in advance :slight_smile:
     
  2. whencanIbeme

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    The advice that i want to give is this.. Try your best to get the pronouns right. That will show him you are trying. As for your parents, suggest a PFLAG meeting. I hope this helps..
     
  3. Hot Pink

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    Pronouns are definitely important if you want to make him feel good and less self-conscious during this awkward time. If you do it, your parents will be more willing to do it too. Some of my friends and all of my family still refer to me as a male. I hate it.
     
  4. Eleanor Rigby

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    What you can do is to sit with him and ask him what he wants and needs from you. That will enable you to know what to do and not to do. You can also ask him questions about what you're wondering about. I think it's important that you could understand better what he is going through and how to be helpful and supportive.
    You can also read this Pflag booklet (http://community.pflag.org/Document.Doc?id=202) and maybe also print it for your parents. I hope this could be helpful.

    Take care, Cécile
     
  5. seeksanctuary

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    1. Accept that it's not your life. This sounds like a "duh", but a lot of people do forget that. Even GLB and other T people sometimes! My normally understanding friend gave me a "O_O" expression when I told her I was getting top surgery some day, for example... and tried to say it wasn't a good idea. Maybe, maybe not, but it's my life and something I feel I need. Similarly, your brother might want to take hormones and get surgery... this can often times be concerning for people. Or he might NOT want hormones and surgery... this can also be concerning for people. Just accept that he is capable of figuring out who he is, what he needs and what he doesn't need; love him and support him in his choices.

    2. Pronouns! It makes a world of difference to make sure you call a transman "he", "him", "his"... it lets him know you take him seriously. Same thing for using brother instead of sister. Same for using the name he chooses rather than his birth name.

    3. Educate yourself on trans* issues. Look into the Day of Remembrance, learn about the rate of violence against trans* people... understand what he's facing. This is so you can be more sympathetic AND know what he could face out there. GLBT people in general face a lot of violence, but trans* people are routinely murdered and have far less protection than GLB people (in the USA).

    Parents...

    Transgender Basics - Gender Identity Project (GIP) - YouTube

    Maybe that would help, but I'm not sure.
     
  6. Hot Pink

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    Oh, yeah. My mom was really against me starting hormones, but eventually she realized that it was important to me. Even though she might not realize why, I did.
     
  7. Mr.Pushover

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    Thank you all guys for your advice :slight_smile:
    I'm starting to call my brother by what he wants to be called.

    The big problem is my mom. She doesn't want to accept it. She said she feels like someone died, and that she doesn't want to hear anything from me about it. She refuses to call him a 'him'. She even went as far to say that she's afraid my brother will take me from her. When my brother came out as a lesbian, it took my mom some time, but she came around, but this time it's just so much worse. What do I do?