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My partner wants to cheat...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Sm001, Apr 8, 2018.

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  1. Sm001

    Sm001
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    hi
    I feel really naive and stupid for posting this but really need some thoughts.
    I've been with my girlfriend for two years now but I've recently found out that she is actively looking to cheat on me (I have seen the proof with my own eyes). However at the same time she's saying I'm the one and she never wants to lose me and wants to grow old together etc. What is that about I'm confused and it's almost like I don't feel anything. I'm not furious like I should be, a bit annoyed but that's it. Maybe that's a sign I don't actually love her as much as I think I do.
    I don't know I just some people's take on this.
    Thanks
     
    #1 Sm001, Apr 8, 2018
  2. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    In order to resolve this, I think you need to talk to her about it. She how you feel based on what she says.

    From your post it's not clear how conclusive the proof is, so be careful about how you approach it. Is it proof that you are able to talk to your girlfriend about, i.e. not something that you shouldn't have seen?
     
    #2 LostInDaydreams, Apr 8, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2018
  3. Sm001

    Sm001
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    That's the problem. I do t know I can talk to her about it as she'll turn it back on me.
    She left her fb logged in on my laptop and I looked (I know I shouldn't but she's done stuff in the past).
     
    #3 Sm001, Apr 8, 2018
  4. SkyWinter

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    If she wants to cheat on you, and you know that and feel nothing, then yeah, you two probably aren't right for each other. It doesn't mean that there are no feelings there, but not enough for her to want to just be with you, and not enough for you to feel angry that she wants to sleep with someone else.
     
    #4 SkyWinter, Apr 8, 2018
  5. Sm001

    Sm001
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    That's what I was afraid of. I do love her and she says she loves me but I don't think it's enough. Maybe we aren't meant to be.
     
    #5 Sm001, Apr 8, 2018
  6. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    We're all human. We all make mistakes.

    What do you want? Taking everything you've said together (previous cheating, potential future cheating, you not feeling sure about the relationship), where do you want this to go now?
     
    #6 LostInDaydreams, Apr 8, 2018
  7. Sm001

    Sm001
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    I honestly don't know. I'm concerned that I'm just hanging onto this because I'm scared of being alone. Last time she pleaded and begged and said she made a mistake and it would never happen again. I felt bad like it was me who had done something wrong. Now I'm thinking I was just prolonging it
     
    #7 Sm001, Apr 8, 2018
  8. LostInDaydreams

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    Would taking a break be an option?
     
    #8 LostInDaydreams, Apr 8, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2018
  9. SkyWinter

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    Perhaps you should discuss it with her, without mentioning that you figured out she wants to cheat. Tell her you are starting to have second thoughts about the relationship, or ask her where she thinks the relationship is going.
     
    #9 SkyWinter, Apr 8, 2018
  10. Chip

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    Quite honestly, I'm not sure I'd even discuss it (in terms of continuing the relationship). She's already shown her cards -- she wants to cheat -- so if it were me, I'd basically end the relationship and be done with it.
     
    #10 Chip, Apr 8, 2018
  11. Sm001

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    I would consider it but I know she'll just turn the waterworks on and make me feel guilty. I don't want to hurt her but she's not exactly doing herself any favours
     
    #11 Sm001, Apr 8, 2018
  12. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    It doesn't sound like a conversation is going to be possible, from what you've said. Do you think it's worth continuing the relationship?
     
    #12 LostInDaydreams, Apr 8, 2018
  13. Sm001

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    I always thought I'd have that opinion, I have done with friends in similar situations but somehow I just can't bring myself to do it
     
    #13 Sm001, Apr 8, 2018
  14. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    It's not going to be so easy to look at your own relationship objectively.
     
    #14 LostInDaydreams, Apr 8, 2018
  15. Sm001

    Sm001
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    Yeah I guess so, I'm so conflicted right now
     
    #15 Sm001, Apr 8, 2018
  16. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    That's understandable. Have you discussed it with anyone in real life?
     
    #16 LostInDaydreams, Apr 8, 2018
  17. Sm001

    Sm001
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    No I'm not really good at talking about stuff, that's why I asked on here
     
    #17 Sm001, Apr 8, 2018
  18. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    Can you sleep on it? Or visit family or something for a weekend? Anything that might give you some time/space to consider what you want away from your girlfriend?
     
    #18 LostInDaydreams, Apr 8, 2018
  19. Sm001

    Sm001
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    I actually won't see her for the next 4 days anyway so I do have a bit of time to do some thinking but I know she'll call and video message, hopefully she doesn't realise something's wrong
     
    #19 Sm001, Apr 8, 2018
  20. Jax12

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    Thats fair, but truth be told, and I just learned this recently, in order for things to move forward, there needs to be discussion about what both of you see in the near future; more importantly, what you see in the future.

    If she’s shown enough evidence for you to believe that she will eventually cheat, then that will be something that you need to consider. On that note, I’ve read on another website that if someone wants to cheat, they will cheat; nothing you do can stop them. This applies to even the best relationships where it seems like nothing is or can go wrong.

    I think it’ll help for you to know what you want from a relationship in general, and whether or not this person can provide you with those needs and wants. It’s not as simple as it sounds, but you do get a better idea of yourself as time goes on.
     
    #20 Jax12, Apr 9, 2018
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