My mother makes me feel down all the time.

Your mom reads a lot like my mom. I've written a lot about her in past posts and blog entries. In all honesty, my mom wasn't prepared to be a mom when she had me. No mom is at 19 but with her abusive, traumatic childhood...she just wasn't ready. I've got story after story of examples of her being over the top about stuff, if you want to share stories over wall messages some time but im not sure your thread is the place for that.

In short, i get it. My mom is emotionally abusive, doesn't appear to be able to truly empathize with someone else and see from their point of view, and has characteristics that remind me of narcissistic personality disorder. What you said about you reminding your mom about something she said, only for her to say it was a joke, sounds like what my mom would do. Well, two things really - invalidation and gaslighting. Yeah i've done lots of googling on the subject. My mom would go a step further and passionately deny ever saying anything bad, though. She would apologize sometimes after yelling at me for one thing or another (and reciting her childhood in detail and how much she's done to make my life the total opposite ever single time in minute detail)...but eventually i got the impression she was apologizing to satisfy some social norm or whatever instead of actually apologizing from the heart.

However, it took me until adulthood to even realize that her behavior was wrong let alone that bad. What helped me the most is to tell myself time and time again that I am not responsible for my mother's feelings and reactions. I am not responsible for her feelings, reactions, whatever she's complaining and yelling about. All i am responsible for his how i conduct myself - the standard 'treat others as you want to be treated' type of thing. Talking to my dad more has helped - he disagrees with her behavior but unlike your dad mine will not stand up for me and never has. Finding a goal and looking for love/acceptance elsewhere has helped as well, because i have come to the conclusion that with my mom, her love is a conditional, selfish love that does not truly come from the heart so i do not believe she will ever be able to give me the love and acceptance that i needed from her.

 

I have a toxic relationship with my mom too and some of my friends have the same problem too. Some parents can never be pleased no matter what you do. They will always find a reason to judge you. To me nothing has worked with my mother.. you can't change how they are cause they are already too old to change.. you just have to do what you have to do and find a way to not be affected by bad comments from her. There must be other people in your life that can cheer you up.i try to ignore my mother when she becomes like this and I don't get affected by her that much but still would prefer it if she were different and more supportive to the things I want. You have to try to accept it without letting yourself be affected anymore to feel more peaceful it takes some time but it's the only way I know. Good luck (btw my mum never even apologizes eeever !! she just denies facts)