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My mother is a Pastor and...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by sexyalex, Mar 16, 2012.

  1. sexyalex

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    Dear EC,

    I have a friend who came to me seriously seeking some advice today and I found myself challenged to give him answers. He thought coming from a strong catholic family, who now accepts me for who I am, I would be able to give him some advice on how I won over my family in 4 years.
    Truth is, his case is different. He is a junior in college. Totally dependent on his parents. His parents found out he is gay but the good part about it is that he lives on campus dormitory. So he is not at home now, not until summer.

    However, he dreads going home. As, his parents have not taken the news very well and there has been talks of doing an exorcism and BELIEVE ME when I tell you, a Jamaican pentecostal exorcism can be very out of hand. VERY OUT OF HAND.

    ADVICE! Please! What should I tell my friend???:help::help::help:
     
  2. Caoimhe Fayre

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    wow. I don't know what to suggest. I don't think I'd go home if my family were threatening to do THAT to me. what a painful, difficult, unfair situation to be in.

    I wish I could help. maybe there is somewhere else he can stay while he visits with his family on neutral ground? in such a way that there would be no chance that they could try to force him into an attempted exorcism?
     
  3. Caoimhe Fayre

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    wow. I don't know what to suggest. I don't think I'd go home if my family were threatening to do THAT to me. what a painful, difficult, unfair situation to be in.

    I wish I could help. maybe there is somewhere else he can stay while he visits with his family on neutral ground? in such a way that there would be no chance that they could try to force him into an attempted exorcism?
     
  4. insidehappy

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    well, my advice for him would be to start lookign for a summer job at this school in the dorms. they have summer residence hall positions and other summer jobs with the school where he may be able to get free room and board over the summer so he doesn't have to deal with the gay excorism. these parents may be just kinda keeping things on the low until he comes home and then he could get trapped there in his country and they may not let him leave. also i hear jamaica is very very homophobic to the point where they try and kill, murder, and beat up gay people at the drop of a dime. can you tell me where this jamaica hatred toward teh gays came from. i heard that it came from slavery times but i am not sure. please explain.

    if he does come home u and i both know they are going to take him to teh church and then the exorsicm will commence. and it sounds like when you say it can get out of hand it sounds like it can get violent or mentally abusive. they will liekly say he is a devil spirt and they will treat him as teh devil until the "devil" comes out of him and they will do things to him to make it "come out" of him. at some point he will be mentally and fearfully not physically exhausted from teh abusive exoriscim and he will relent that the gay demon is out of him and he is straight. all will be happy and rejoice and he will likely go back into the closet until he goes back to school or he will end up going into a confusion adn depression tailspin.

    i woudl suggest for himi not to come home until he feels like tehy can handle it or i woud suggest that he lie and said it was a phase and that he is clean from the so-called "gay spirit"

    i wish peopel would understand that people most of the times do not want to be gay and that you can't change someonees natural attraction they have they will only repress it but it will still be there. in fact from what you describe the "demons" need to come out of the people that are doing the excorism if they are physically and mentally abusing this young innocent soul.

    ---------- Post added 16th Mar 2012 at 04:36 PM ----------

    sounds like the family may still find him or hunt him down like a rapid dog. sounds like he may get rounded up whereever he goes there and exorcised cuz everybody's in on the act. he basically has two options:

    1. lie and show up wiht a girlfriend. (probably will still get a light exoricism but not the full one).

    2. dont come back to that island.
     
    #4 insidehappy, Mar 16, 2012
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2012
  5. sexyalex

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    Insidehappy, you had that pat down CORRECT! Violent is right! And even that is putting it lightly.
    He is scared out of his witts and when the pastor (his mom) does an exorcism, the whole church, i mean THE WHOLE CONGREGATION, man, woman, baby and sweet nanny goat- coming out to pray over him while she try to scare him straight!

    It's like this, Jamaicans are very rebellious to change and YES it is predated back to slavery days. -___-"
    It is said, not that I am buying any of it, that, the blacks that came to the island during the triangle trade to work on sugar plantations were of the most volatile tribes of Africa. Why? Hati and Jamaica happened to needed more manual labour, with Jamaica being the top sugar/rum manufacture in the world at that time and Hati followed (however unlike Jamaica being owned by the British, it was owned by the French).
    Due to this little piece of history, Jamaican people use it as an excuse to be bashful to anything they find...unusual and....different...(not just homosexuality).

    But to be honest, the younger generation is not as bad as first timers. Society has been a lot more accepting and tolerant to the gay community over the past 6 years and we even have a gay member of parliament. So... lets see how that goes.

    I still don't think I should tel my friend to lie. I think, him getting the job and finding somewhere else to stay until would be the best option. Atleast, so far....

    ...

    ......any other ideas?!:help:
     
  6. TheAMan

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    His parents seriously want to do an exorcism? Wow that's just way too extreme. I think it's best if your friend not go home for the summer.
     
  7. insidehappy

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    hey sexyalex. yea, im not for the lying but if he has to go home and he tells teh truth his momma gonna sick the whole congregation and the nanny goat on him. so i think he should just find a job at school or stay with friends that summer away from the claws of the mother. these people have it so wrong. christianity is supposed to be loving and accepting "even the least of these" and this poor man is afraid (rightfully so) of coming home to his home and family. sad. but he will gain valuable experience at school over the summer. personally i would not come home to the mother or any other nearby relatives because they will turn him in.
     
  8. sexyalex

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    I share similar sentiments, insidehappy.
     
  9. Cloudbreaker

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    If lying isn't an option, maybe telling the truth is? It's probably a long shot, but may be worth considering.

    And when I say "telling the truth," I mean pouring your heart out, holding nothing back. Before he goes home, he could tell his parents flat out all the fears, emotions, and stresses that being gay has brought him in the past, what problems it is causing him in the present, and what he believes it will bring him in the future (especially relating to going home). Leave no detail out, no matter how inconsequential it may seem. Maybe if his parents know exactly all the stuff their son is going through, it could help them realize just what kind of effect they are having?

    Now, I don't have a very good grasp on his situation, so I can in no way in good conscience recommend this option. But it is an option, and I just wanted to help bring up some alternative ideas since you seemed stuck. At any rate, this option would still be extremely difficult and require more courage that I currently possess. But ultimately it will be up to him to decide what to do. I wish him the best of luck and hope everything works out alright in the end.
     
    #9 Cloudbreaker, Mar 17, 2012
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2012