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My mom said no ;(

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by TiaKay, Mar 29, 2016.

  1. TiaKay

    TiaKay Guest

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    So it's been a while that I'm waiting for the right moment and I made the decision to cut my hair short and today I just told my mom a few minutes ago. I told her that I want to cut my hair here's what happened:

    Me: You know I was thinking to cut my hair shorter
    Her: What how short?!
    Me: Well I don't know... (I was scared)
    Her: Why do you wanna cut your hair?! Don't you see how your hair is pretty and that you wanted to keep it long!
    Me: Well wait I'll show you how I want it to be
    (I showed her a pic)
    Her: What?! Like that!? That looks like a guy's hair and your too young to make decisions like that that's more a hair cut for a woman not a teenager!
    Me: Well I just want to change my style cause I hate my hair and I'm tired of it
    Her: What?! You were always saying that you wanted to keep your hair long (that was me before)
    Me: Well maybe I don't want too and It's not your hair it's mine and I'm aloud to have a hair cut that I like and that I want! What will affect you even?!
    Her: Do you think really I will want to have a girl with ugly hair like that?! Your not a guy that's more a guy's hair cut (it was not)

    ...

    I seriously don't understand my mom she saw that I changed and that I'm not like the other girls. She always wants me to be like the other girls (I was and I was not myself) and I made the decision that, that's not me. Since I changed I'm feeling so much more myself and comfortable but not 100%. I seriously don't understand my mom it's like she tells me to don't copy the others. Like every time I ask her something she'll think I'm copying someone and she never wants to believe me (that's what happened). Like I don't understand I'm not like the others and then she tells me to not be like the others while I'm not like wtf?! She just don't let wear what I want or be who I want to be like I just don't understand her. She just doesn't get it like since I'm little I always didn't felt like the other girl and I was always tomboy cause I always had that guy feeling in me. I just hate my mom like I could never be who I want to be like really?!

    I need help to figure out how I can just be who I want to be while I'm not aloud... :bang:
     
  2. Daydreamer1

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    Try telling your mom that short hair is much easier to manage than long hair, and say that's your reasoning if she's going to be mega stubborn.
     
  3. TiaKay

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    That's what I told her I told her all the excuses and she kept saying no and everything and she just wanted to stop the argument
     
  4. killswitch0029

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    I second this idea. As much pride that I have with my hair, I have a lot of it and it's a pain in the a** to take care of. If she's going to be stubborn and not listen to your true intentions, playing around with logic can be an effective way to help you achieve your goal.
     
  5. Lazuri

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    Well, when I was still in the closet, my parents would demand me cut my hair every time it grew long, but eventually I just refused. They'd get all uppity about it, but I still didn't care. I just stood firm and was assertive and it worked out.

    Other options is to have a hair savvy friend cut it or ask for money for something else and then go get a haircut. She'll get mad, but y'know.... fuck her.

    If 'twere me, I'd probably just massacre my hair so that I'd NEED a haircut, but I'm also an idiot, so it might not be the right course of action.
     
  6. TeddyGraham

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    You might have to resort to a little dirty [no pun intended] trick:

    Take awful care of your hair for a few days. Comb it minimally. Shampoo once. Don't even bother with conditioner. Acquire split ends. Make sure, however, the hair you want to keep is in significantly better condition. Then, use Daydreamer1's idea of saying shorter hair will be easier to manage.

    This might work. If not, just work part-time somewhere, get enough money for the cut, and go get it on your own time.
     
  7. Robert

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    If I were you I would just shave all of my hair off in defiance.

    On the other hand, Your mother may just need some time to process that 'her daughter' is growing up and becoming 'her own woman'. Leave it a few days and ask her again.

    But if she says no again I would seriously just shave all of your hair off to show her whos boss.
     
    #7 Robert, Mar 30, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2016
  8. Lacybi

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    Well you could show her some pictures of celebrities with long hair and say that just because you/they have short "boys" hair doesn't mean they/you can't look feminine with jewellery or hair accessories. If you get it cut there's nothing she can really do to force you to wear jewellery or hair accessories.
    How long is your hair? I donated 21 inches of my hair to the Rapunzel foundation who make wigs for children who don't have hair. If your hair is longer than 10 inches you can do that too; donating it to charity might swing your mum.
     
  9. Aberrance

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    My parents were the same, depending on how old you are they seem to have a lot of control over how you look.

    If you really want it then the only thing I can suggest is to chop it short yourself, just a little longer than the length of the picture that you want, so your mum will be forced to take you to a hairdressers and get it fixed. I know this could make the relationship between you and your mum a bit strained but it honestly depends how much you want it. Personally my hair was causing me a lot of dysphoria so if my dad didn't let me cut it I probably would have resorted to that. If you can wait a couple years and wear hats in the meantime then think about that instead?

    Also, another trick, if you get it done in stages then the progression to short hair might make it easier for your mum to handle? So get it cut shoulder length first for a fee months and a bit shorter to a pixie cut or something until you get your desired length. It takes a while but you're slowly introducing your mum to the shorter styles and it allows you to feel sure that you want to go that short anyway.

    I hope you work something out.
     
  10. paris

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    Does your mum know Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts? Tell her you don't want to become a person who doesn't know how they like their eggs. That you're the age when you are curious to learn things about yourself, that you want to get to know yourself better in some aspects (sure legal and safe stuff only!) in order to become an self-confident adult who knows what they want in life. Tell her just because she likes longer hair better on herself doesn't necessarily mean you like it better on yourself too. Maybe you do but how could you know that if you've never tried to have it short in the first place, right? Moreover it's just hair and it'll grow back. :grin:
     
  11. wolf of fire

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    I got this is idea from a 7 year old; get gum, chew gum, stick gum in your hair apart from bits you want, let you Mum see it.
     
  12. lawlight

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    Um. I once set (accidentally) set fire to the ends of my hair, which pretty much forced my mum to take off like 5 inches.
    I'm actually having this argument now as well, so I guess I'll leave some ideas here

    1. Long hair takes longer to wash and rinse, which raises the environmental concern.

    2. There are pretty female actresses out there with short hair! And they're all cisgender and heterosexual as well! Play on the bandwagon.

    3. Short hair is less likely to get caught in machinery, set on fire, or any other kind of shenanigans.

    4. It is statistically proven that rapists tend to target women with long hair rather than short hair, because braids/ponytails/loose long hair is easier to grab. You may want to be wary of using this argument, though, as your mother may restrict your unsupervised activities more. (btw this is an urban myth, but your mother might fall for it. Mine did)

    Alternatively, if you can stomach it, you could try acting hyper-feminine for a bit, and drop the short hair argument. Resume after you've convinced your mother that you're a 'perfectly normal girl'

    Good luck!
     
    #12 lawlight, Mar 30, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2016
  13. OutofZCloset

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    Listen carefully and take this to heart.

    Sometimes parents are wrong. Sometimes, without thinking, they say stupid or hurtfull things. Sometimes they say those things out of fear. She may already suspect the path you are heading down and she has no idea how to mentally process it so this is how it is manifesting itself.
    Short haircut looks like a boy
    A girl who looks like a boy = lesbian
    Parent doesn't want daughter to be a lesbian so NO short hair and they think they've solved the problem.
     
  14. SHACH

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    That's me right now, halfway there... but all I have is scissors haha.

    My mother is similar. When I bring up cutting my hair short she insults me about being mannish and brings up lgbt slurs. I would try and convince her a few times over a decent time periods, but if she continues just being insulting and stubborn like my mum... just follow Abberence's advice and cut it a little longer than you want in case you want it fixed... That's my plan.
     
  15. DreamerBoy17

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    Actually the second time I got my hair cut really short, rather than a pixie cut without my dad's knowledge. I went with my mom and he threw a huge fit but what could he do? The hair was gone. :lol:
    By now he's resigned to the fact that I'm gonna have my hair however I like it. Not all parents are like that, though. The people above brought up some good arguments. I'm just saying that if worst comes to worst, you could just do it if you are prepared to deal with their reactions.
     
  16. AngelDragonfly

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    Ok, that conversation obviously did not go as planned. But then, it was kind of abrupt. So, there are ways you could have done this better, and better ways your mum could've reacted. I'd say just let it rest for a couple of days. Casually bring it up with your dad, a relative, a friend, etc. and see what they think. Explain to your mom that you need a style change, and though it's pretty short, you are sure that you could work out a compromise. Ask her what she's afraid of- is she afraid she won't like it? Is she afraid it'll look bad? Is she afraid what other people will say Is she worried this is just a phase? (etc.) Just keep working on it slowly and surely, maybe set a deal like, oh, say, a bob first, and then if you like it, you keep it. If not, and she's changed her mind, you cut it again, shorter. Best of luck with this, this happened to me (I ended up with the bob, I loved it and am growing it out again) and may you succeed!
     
  17. InfinityonHigh

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    I'd be very weary of the just getting your hair cut anyway. I get that it's a pretty powerful statement and it's straight from a dramatic movie scene, but you don't know what her reaction could be. Unless you're 110% sure that you'll be safe (physically and emotionally, meaning she won't harass/yell at you etc), it's better to be safe than sorry.

    One idea though, is your hair really long? If it is, maybe you could bring up the idea of donating your hair, so she knows it's for a good cause and all.
     
  18. Delta

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    First off, short hair on women is the bomb and your mom might as well be calling the Mona Lisa bad fanart she is so wrong about it being "ugly" hair. I don't know what to tell you about what to do about that because I am an awful child with literally no respect for authority and following advice from someone like me may land you in trouble with strict parents.

    But seriously, she's dead wrong, you'll look like a boss with your awesome short haircut. Do not let her stop you. Be a shit about it if you've gotta. Do it anyway. I believe in you!