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My Mom doesn't think that I am bi because I haven't been kissed

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by fallenangel1, Feb 24, 2017.

  1. fallenangel1

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    So, I came out to my mom recently and she said that she didn't care about me being bisexual. But, she followed that up by saying that since I have never been kissed by a boy or girl or been with someone romantically yet then I can't know if I am bisexual right now. I was completely caught off guard by her saying this and didn't know how to respond so I just didn't respond and let her continue to talk to me. After we finished talking though, I got really upset at the fact that she couldn't just be happy for me finally feeling like myself. In my gut I know that I am bisexual because I am attracted to both boys and girls and ever since I started to self-identify as bisexual and after I came out to my two closest friends, I finally started to feel happy and more like myself. But after my talk with my mom, I am feeling a little bit less confident in myself and my sexuality. Is she right? Can I not identify as bi if I have never been with or kissed a girl or boy before?
     
  2. WanderingMind

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    No. That's not how it works. You can be bisexual whether or not you've kissed a boy or a girl or both or neither. You're not required to prove your orientation with kisses or hugs or sex. You know who you are attracted to. That's what matters.
     
  3. OtakuFreak

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    ^

    Exactly, you should bring this up to her. ''So does that apply to straight people, do they need to kiss the opposite sex in order to fully prove they are heterosexual?''.

    I am gay, yet I haven't kissed a guy but I know what I am romantically and sexually attracted to.
     
  4. AlexJames

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    Your sexuality isn't proved/determined/whatever by who you chose to date. Its by who you're attracted to! I've never dated either even though i'm 25 cause it took me that long to figure out and become sure of my sexuality. I swear, its instinctual, i'm not even joking, that's how i look at it. My brain/body/etc knew what i liked before i even considered questioning it, which is one factor that helped me figure out my sexuality. I noticed it back then but i just shrugged it off and labelled it as what my environment, my family, would have labelled it - inappropriate, rude, etc.

    Perhaps your mom simply doesn't understand. I don't think something this complex is something you can understand without being in the community yourself. Or perhaps she's in denial as well. Like someone said above, maybe posing her concerns back at her in regards to straight people can help her understand it. "Well how did you know you were straight? Did you know because you checked out boys and thought they were cute/hot or because you dated a boy and liked it?" or something like that. Hopefully she'll come around eventually.
     
    #4 AlexJames, Feb 24, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 24, 2017
  5. resu

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  6. DirectionNorth

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    I agree with resu and everyone. One of the main things that was brought up when I came out to my mom was how could I know either way since I hadn't been with anyone. And my mom generally seemed accepting, but kept coming up with those types of questions and ignorant assumptions about the details, seemingly like fishing for a chance I might be straight or bi and not lesbian. I get you that sometimes things people say might make you question yourself more. But it is something you just know deep down, regardless of if you've ever dated, etc or not.
     
  7. fallenangel1

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    Update:

    My stepdad is also not willing to fully accept the fact that I am bi. He keeps saying that I am "supposedly claiming to be bisexual". Now two of the four people that I have come out to dont believe me when I say that I am bisexual. It is really infuriating and making me wish that I hadn't come out to them. If they both say that they don't care what my sexuality is, then why aren't accepting me? My friends accepted it but it is like my parents are subtly to get me to be straight. It is bad enough that I have to figure out how to tell my dad that I am bi because he is a very conservative person, but I have to deal with my parents basically telling me that I am not me.
     
    #7 fallenangel1, Feb 26, 2017
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  8. beenthrdonetht

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    This drives some people literally crazy. Usually they don't recognize so explicitly what the message is. You do. So you have hope!

    But... I'm so sorry. Not like it will be easy. The way you are being treated is wrong, wrong, wrong. But you have already risen above it in your mind. Congrats for getting yourself straightened out. (Pardon the expression.)
     
  9. LadyTalulah

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    As everyone else said, you don't need to kiss / sleep with / date any gender to prove that you are attracted to them. Unfortunately, many people don't understand that and it can be frustrating. Are straight people unaware of their attractions until they have kissed or dated someone of the opposite sex? If you don't know who you're attracted to before having sex with them, does that mean every straight person who has only had heterosexual relationships is potentially lying to themselves about their identity? No, of course not. But that's presumed to be the case for many LGB people (especially bi's I would say).

    Hang in there and don't take their judgements to heart. If possible, try to educate them on the subject at hand, have them do some research on how to support you. If they're not open to it, you just keep doing you (and him, and her ;p) and they'll realize soon enough that it's not a "phase" and you're not "confused" and hopefully at that point they'll be open to being more supportive.
     
  10. MisterMissy

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    I definitely know I'm Bi, but I lean very gay.
    This is because I used to be straight, then I was bi-curious, then I was Bisexual, then I felt really really gay, and then it has now leveled off to where (at the moment anyway) I feel rather gay, but just a hint of interest in women still. I still have an attraction to women visually, but all of my current fantasies and day-dreams consist of men.

    I've never made out with a man or woman. I've never had sex. And I've barely even cuddled or spent any length of time with someone I truly have a connection to, except a few friends who also happen to be gay and/or bi. I've had two girlfriends, but they were both pretty unexciting and didn't have anything about them, other than some mild pleasantries, that I even liked.

    But I can tell you, with absolute certainty, that I am now most definitely into dudes. There's no real rhyme or reason for it. It was a slow acceptance process over about 3-4 years, and then suddenly, boom, I fully shifted from straight to mostly gay. Guess it was just my time.
     
    #10 MisterMissy, Feb 27, 2017
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  11. Margaret

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    My mom also doesn't really understand some things about what being LGBT means. Honestly I think you know the situation best, and you can certainly be attracted to someone without kissing them. I wouldn't argue with her about it or anything, but politely point out you disagree and leave it at that.
     
    #11 Margaret, Mar 1, 2017
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  12. Nordland

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    Sexuality attraction and Sexual activity aren't the same thing, I doubt your mom had to kiss a guy to know she was straight
     
  13. matt4907

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    You could definitely know that you're bi without ever kissing anyone. You know your sexuality better than anyone else