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My Mom and sister hate me... (Long Post)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by TymeLawd, Jul 12, 2013.

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  1. TymeLawd

    TymeLawd Guest

    Hello,
    I'm going on 15 and I have no support.
    So basically I discovered I liked guys in 7th grade. (I was 12.) After a long battle I decided to come out to everyone at school through a secret FaceBook I had (yes I know. FaceBook is stupid.) I was happy. Everyone was really kind and supportive (the odd homophobe) but then the day came. I went to my friend's for a sleepover and we were playing Video Games. His dad told me my mom was on the phone. So I answered and she asked me for the password to my iPod so she could supposedly "get it fixed." I always deleted the FaceBook app after I was done but this time I was stupid enough to leave it on. So I told her, terrified of what she might find. So I went on the day and in the evening she called back telling me she had read everything and found what my friend had "accused me of was true" confided in a friend and the stupid chick told her dad even though I told her to tell no one.) and that it was "very disturbing." The calmness in her voice is what made me want to shite my pants. The next day she picked me up and it was so silent. We had a conversation on the way and she was asking questions like "why would you be proud of something like that?" And a bunch of stuff I don't remember (I should mention at this point that my mom is extremely devoted to her religion and I am forced to go and she is extremely against gay people. Like almost to the point of gay hunting.) So later on she told me things like she didn't want a f***** for a son and that she used to have a son and now she doesn't even have that. We went though so many meetings with the religious teachers and they were basically telling me it was wrong and stuff and in the end I got my "privileges" taken away. So in grade 8 I had become popular and had many female friends. When my mom found out that I was out and being, well, gay. She acted so surprised and she pulled me out of school, shoved me back in to closet and put me in homeschool. (She's putting me in high school this upcoming year though.) So flash forward to today. I asked to have therapy and she said "is it about... That?" And my sister said "ewwww" and I started sobbing on the spot. My sister came over and gave me cold comfort. Anyways so I had to go to a religious teacher to talk about it and it was the same story over again. So later my sister asked me why I was so quiet and I said "no reason". So she gave me this BS about how some gay kids think they are because people tell them they are. And she asked me how long I'd felt this way and she said its probably a phase and I said I'm pretty sure it isn't. And then she told me "those feelings aren't natural" and that "if I be gay that I'll die". At that point I was sobbing so hard I couldn't see. I sobbed for a good 30 minutes and I was ready to kill myself because I knew I was alone and no one accepted me for who I am. I am still a bit suicidal. We were at a huge worship thingy and the guy started talking about how this guy was molested so much it made him gay and he turned to that religion because he knew it was wrong. I went to the bathroom and started hitting myself in the face and I almost puked. I was ready to walk over the railing on a staircase and plunge to my death. I was planning on recording tapes and sending them to my friends and family and then taking the whole bottle of my sister's Cold FX. I wanted them to know that I killed myself because of them. I wanted it to go away. I really need :help: will someone please help me before I do anything drastic? I know neither of them will come around because I know them. Even my friends would hate me if they knew. (My best friend since age 2 told me that if I told him I was gay he would have zero contact with me.) Please please help! :help:
     
    #1 TymeLawd, Jul 12, 2013
  2. TymeLawd

    TymeLawd Guest

    Please could someone help? I'm begging you. :frowning2:
     
    #2 TymeLawd, Jul 14, 2013
  3. gibson234

    gibson234
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    I very sorry that you have been what you have. Firstly I would pretend to your family that you are no longer gay for now, simply to stop going to this religious "teachers". Then I would wait till your fianacial independent of your family then come out of the closet again and give your family a take me or leave me. I know that it is not fair but remember that the most important family is the one you chose (future friends who won't hate you for being gay). Just remember not to hate yourself they are in the wrong. It's ok to be gay. They will one day see the error of their ways. Don't kill yourself that would be a waste. This phase of your life may be difficult but it doesn't mean the rest of your life will be. Don't hit yourself you don't derserve it. Good luck I hope your find your life in a happier place soon.
     
    #3 gibson234, Jul 14, 2013
  4. lazyboy

    lazyboy Guest

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    Obviously, what they are doing is against Canadian law and Alberta's provincial laws, regardless of what your family may think of it. Maybe you could try talking to someone (social services professional or a counsellor) who is NOT connected to your church. Make sure they know the full story, and of your thoughts of harming yourself. They would be compelled to help you.

    If you cannot, let me know. I will intervene.
     
    #4 lazyboy, Jul 14, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2013
  5. lazyboy

    lazyboy Guest

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    Alternatively, you could call the Kids Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868. It's toll-free, even from a phone booth. They would be able to help you, or at least give you advice.
     
    #5 lazyboy, Jul 14, 2013
  6. CreativeGuy

    CreativeGuy
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    Hey, i can't exacty say that i know what are going through, but what i can definetly say is that you are not alone in this situation. I'm also a teenager and completely closeted, but i know what is like having parents and friends that consider homosexuality as a deasise. But unfortunately, today, pretty much all heterosexual still make gay people fell literally like shit*. A few weeks ago, i've experienced something that i can call one of the worst days of my life. I was talking about gay people with my best friend (also a guy, but he doesn't know i'm gay), and he simply told me that they should all be hunted and killed because they were sick and everything else. And what hurts me the most is that i consider him as a brother and we know each other our whole life.

    ---------- Post added 15th Jul 2013 at 12:00 AM ----------

    Sorry, had to continue here...
    But even though all of those bad things, i still have hope, and you should too. Because, i'm 100% sure that are still a lot o good people in this world, people that care about homosexuals and would never do something to harm us in any way.
    I would have to say, that for now, if you don't have a safety net of friend, all you can do is put up with your family. But don't worry, as soon as you go to college and get a job, you can forget about ALL of these problems that you are living right now.
    And about the thoghts of harming yourself, forget about it... I think i speak for everyone in this forum when i say that we are here for you. For example, about six months ago i was also thinking if life was worth living, and guess what, i just waited to see what it happens and things are getting better(really really slowly, but they are). Don't worry, talk trought here with us that i assure you that within some time things will get better.
    I'm from brazil, so my english is not that good, sorry.
     
    #6 CreativeGuy, Jul 14, 2013
  7. KyleD

    KyleD
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    Don't kill yourself, that's not a solution. We are here for you. You can express your feelings with us at anytime.
     
    #7 KyleD, Jul 14, 2013
  8. TymeLawd

    TymeLawd Guest

    Hello everyone. Recently I found out a member here took my post way too far and told the police that I was about to kill myself and cut myself. I had to go to the hospital escorted by the police and was asked a bunch of questions and spent the entire day there in my pyjamas. I am a bit mad that anyone would do this without even knowing me. Thank you for the support of all the rest of you.

    ---------- Post added 15th Jul 2013 at 12:50 AM ----------

    CreativeGuy I'm so sorry that this is happening to you as well! I hope it gets better. :slight_smile:
     
    #8 TymeLawd, Jul 14, 2013
  9. Chip

    Chip
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    On behalf of the entire staff of EC, I want to apologize to you for what happened. (We've already apologized privately, but I think a public apology is appropriate also.) I would be angry as hell if this situation happened to me, and under the circumstances, I think you're being incredibly understanding.

    Just so everyone understands what happened, an EC member (who was not a member of staff) saw TymeLawd's post, reported his concerns to our staff, and, 15 minutes later, before our staff even had time to review the situation and respond, and directly against the advice of a support line he'd called, this member took it upon himself, without any knowledge, background, or anything else on the individual member, to decide that he needed to call RCMP (Canadian police) and report a "potentially suicidal person."

    RCMP then contacted us and asked for server log information to identify the poster. Even though we advised them that we did not feel the matter warranted intervention, RCMP is obligated, once a report has been made, to take action, otherwise they would be liable.

    EC as an organization recognizes that we have many members who are depressed, upset, angry, and prone to self-harm. All of these situations are to a large extent normal for people going through the process of coming out, and none of these situations are ones where anyone with any common sense or training about these sorts of situations would involve police or CPS.

    EC's staff all have training in identifying when someone is genuinely at risk, and we also have licensed professionals on our staff that review such situations and help us to make judgments when there is a potential concern that may require intervention. While we do intervene if there's a genuine emergency situation, that has happened maybe a half dozen times in the entire history of EC, and in those cases, the members have genuinely needed help and have appreciated our interventions.

    I just don't want any members to feel unsafe about sharing honest feelings and worrying that police officers will randomly show up at their door.

    The member who took those actions has been dealt with appropriately, and the problem will not happen again.

    Again, on behalf of the entire staff, our apologies for this inexcusable situation. We consider it an incredible violation of boundaries and trust in the community, and we will also be discussing actions we can take in the future to ensure this sort of thing never happens again.
     
    #9 Chip, Jul 15, 2013
  10. clockworkfox

    clockworkfox
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    I have to say I agree with what a few people have already said. For now it might be best to stay in the closet, at least around your family. You have us here on EC, and I know it's not the same as having a safety net in person, but it's not nothing either.

    If you need someone to talk to and confide in (considering the situation at hand), and you can find a councellor, I'd advise you go for it. Try looking on the internet. Or maybe try talking to a school councellor, see if they can recommend anyone. If you can't get your mom to take you, see if a friend will, or an aunt or uncle or older cousin. Don't let anyone keep you from getting support if you need it.
     
    #10 clockworkfox, Jul 15, 2013
  11. TymeLawd

    TymeLawd Guest

    Clockwork thanks for the advice but its kind of hard to stay in the closet when they found out I was gay. The rest was great! I will be on here a lot more often.
     
    #11 TymeLawd, Jul 16, 2013
  12. Lunarchy

    Lunarchy
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    I know the feeling. My grandfather was a member of the Nazi Party, and my mother still carries a lot of his hate and ideals. (I was always against that kind of stuff, even before I realized I was gay) Needless to say, she did not approve when she found out.

    I know it's hard, but your fortunate enough to still be young, when the future comes, it will be brighter. This is a great time to be gay, for once in history the civilized world is on your side! Religion be damned! I am sorry this happened to you, when I was your age, I tried to kill myself by jumping off a bridge into the fraiser river, but I survived, and I'm glad I did, I have so many great things, and it was because I stayed strong, and you will too!

    And the closet's not sooo bad! That's where I keep all my old board games ^)^
     
    #12 Lunarchy, Jul 16, 2013
  13. clockworkfox

    clockworkfox
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    I understand. I meant something more along the lines of "lay low". Which really really sucks, but when you get a little older and a little more independent, you won't need to worry so much. For now your safety is paramount, and you don't need the sort of disrespect your family is giving you.
     
    #13 clockworkfox, Jul 17, 2013
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