As the days get closer to my coming out date, which is when I'll be starting on testosterone, I've been having so many concerns. Like, will I even pass as male even after I've had physical changes? My face is far from being masculine, it's actually quite feminine. Or will I ever end up decent looking? I know ultimately it's not about looking good, it's mainly my happiness and quality of life I'm changing, but it still is freaking me out And then there's all the legal work, name changing, sex changing on my driver's license, and running the risk of my parents disowning me I literally don't know what's wrong with me, I'm excited to finally start this and now I can't even calm myself down
It's really normal to be nervous now that it's actually happening so soon. Will you pass? Yes. You'll have a low voice, even if your face doesn't get quite masc enough to pass 100% of the time. Worse comes to worst, you grow some facial hair and then no one will doubt that you're a guy. Will you be good looking? If you're decent looking now, you'll probable be fine after T. But ultimately, the looks aren't as important as relieving dysphoria. Getting over insecurities about how you look is much more doable than trying to get over dysphoria. The legal work and the risk of your family not being accepting is definitely stressful and scary, but you can't do anything about it right now, right? That's an issue for later. Deal with it later. Take things one day at a time. It's going to be okay once it's all done, so try not to stress yourself out about it before it's even happening.
Testosterone (over time) can do a lot to change the structure of your face (not the actual bone structure) but the fat distribution (biological females are prone to more round, childlike faces) and if you've seen a young cis boy go through puberty, you can kinda tell what I'm saying. Also, passing has a lot to do with the general shape of your body, and as testosterone helps you build more muscle in your shoulders and redistribution of fat, it can really help you pass. There are a lot of videos online where transguys show the progress during hrt, and basically I can guarantee that testosterone will help you pass physically, even if it's not right away.
