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My homophobic "straight" friend is starting to admit he's attracted to men

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Adymoe, Jun 11, 2024.

  1. Adymoe

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    I became friends with him 5 years ago. It wasn't long into our friendship that my gaydar started going off and I began suspecting he wasn't all that straight. He is very religious, has always shown lots of internalized homophobia and has gone to great lengths to prove his attraction to women. He would talk hateful things about the gay community and tossed the F word around like it was his part time job. He used to only watch lesbian porn because he thought dicks were gross, he was uncomfortable around gay guys for the longest time. He always talked about girls as much as he could and still does to this day. I knew when I would catch him checking out guys bulges and asses that something was up. I've caught him staring at hot guys multiple times as well. One time he saw me naked in our hotel room and got really angry...telling me he didn't want to see me naked and if he did he would sneak and do it. He still is uncomfortable being around guys even just in his boxers or if another guy is in boxers. He refuses to use the urinal in public bathrooms.

    He refuses to share a bed with me because one night he got really horny when we went to go to sleep in his bed, so he removed himself from the bed and slept in another room but never admitted to me that night what his reasoning was. The following morning he told me he couldn't sleep because of me and he was just really horny from lack of masturbation. He then said "I'm not comfortable sharing a bed with you anymore". I put some thought into it and realized he was obviously having sexual thoughts about me during that time and it freaked him out. I've always suspected he had some attraction to me as I've caught him checking me out before, he's made comments about me having thick thighs, a big butt and hairy legs. He also gazes at my treasure trail whenever my shirt is off in front of him

    I discovered recently that he also has a cross dressing fetish and loves using a dildo in his ass. Despite him still showing lots of homophobia and insecurity towards his sexuality, he has finally admitted to a mutual friend that he is attracted to men's body parts but "not men". Well, being that whenever I'm with him and we come across a hot guy in public, I'll catch my friend checking out the hot guy at the same time that I am. He's obviously attracted to men but isn't ready to admit it to himself yet. Atleast he's admitting he's attracted to dick and guys asses etc though.

    I'm sure his religion is causing him to have all this internalized homophobia. I feel for him as he really is struggling more than most guys have. He prays more now than he ever has before as a Christian. He feels so lost that God won't answer his prayers and give him comfort. If only he knew that God loves you for being who he made you to be, not someone that you're not meant to be.

    I hope sooner than later he will fully accept who he is and live a happy stress free life after all. Maybe he will be willing to explore with me one day and hopefully it would bring us closer as friends. We already to get pretty touchy with eachother as it is. I'm sure the sex would be amazing. After all that's not what it's all about anyways...I just want him to be happy ❤️
     
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  2. Adymoe

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    And also if @Chip is reading this...you were spot on about my friend. I've made posts about him in the past and you always said he was certainly a poof
     
  3. tearingtherose

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    I feel for your friend, I fought my own internalised homophobia for the better part of 30 year before finally accepting myself. I don't really know the source of mine, society and media I suppose, and it took the combination of a life threatening illness and marriage breaking down (for non-sexuality reasons) for me to confront the facts I had avoided for so long. Even though I've accepted myself, and I'm out to most people including family, I still worry about being "out" in public, like on a date. I hope he finds happiness and peace soon too.
     
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  4. Adymoe

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    Yes it's such a sad situation. It doesn't help that his church has taught that being gay is sinful and wrong. His family members are also all anti-gay
     
  5. Mirko

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    Hi there, reading through your thread, I can feel your concerns, worries for your friend.

    It will most likely take some time for your friend to start on the road of self-acceptance and be okay with his sexual orientation. In so many ways, you are probably an inspiration for him. The fact that you have accepted yourself and are showing what it can be like to be oneselve could have an influence on his own approaches.

    If you wanted to, keep being there for him and open or leave the door open for him to ask questions or share what's on his mind. As friends, one of the most powerful things we can do is say: "I'm here for you, whenever you need someone to listen." And when he does share something, no matter how small it is, it might be worthwhile to follow it up with: thanks for sharing and trusting me. Every time you do this, it might allow him to keep reflecting on things while also coming to see you as someone he can trust, confide in.:slight_smile:
     
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  6. Right Field 6

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    Finding true happiness will never be found until he faces the facts of his yearnings and accepts his sexuality
     
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  7. mlansing

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    I hope he can learn to accept himself, and maybe he is halfway there if he is already admitting some of his attractions.

    Exploring things sexually with a friend can change the dynamic of the relationship, for better or worse. If you are willing to take the risk and he is as well, though, then I say go for it.
     
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  8. Adymoe

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    Yes we would definetely have to talk about it first. We are pretty close with eachother so even if it didn't work out I think we could move on from it pretty quickly. That's a long ways down the road though. He still has lots of internalized homophobia to overcome
     
    mlansing likes this.