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My grandpa (mom's side) made some biphobic remarks

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by anonmember, May 30, 2018.

  1. anonmember

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    I go over to my grandparents' house (mom's side) a lot to visit with them because I have a very special relationship with my grandma. She is probably one of the most supportive and loving grandmothers out there, and she knows about my sexuality and she loves, accepts me, and fully supports me for it. My grandpa on the other hand, seems to not be so supportive. I went over there today to have a discussion about my college decision and sexuality and my grandpa (who loves me very much but tends to often have a grumpy attitude, probably because of old age and because) was like "You really should let go of this whole bisexual thing, I don't want you to become promiscuous. If you date a girl, she wouldn't like it if you were with a guy at the same time. And maybe this bisexual thing won't even be a problem for you in college because I'm sure you will meet plenty of girls there that you like.". And then my supportive grandma (thankfully) quickly shut him down by saying "He can be bisexual and stay faithful to one person.", then afterwards my grandpa said to me "Have you ever heard of STDs? You don't want to get one.". He is totally blowing things out of proportion and acting like I am gonna become some male prostitute that sleeps with a bunch of people, which is totally biphobic. I am totally NOT promiscuous and when it comes to relationships, I am very committed to one partner. People can be bisexual and stay faithful to one partner, in fact, I am in a relationship right now with a really sweet girl and I have not slept with one guy during it. I told my grandpa also that I know a handful of bi girls that are in hetero relationships and stay faithful. I know all of these people who have been hostile and non-accepting still love me because they are supportive in other areas of my life. At first my parents were hostile and non-affirming of my sexuality (they weren't biphobic though), now they are more accepting of it and totally affirm of my life style, and now my grandpa seems to be a little biphobic. I seem to be getting different reactions from different family members. And it really gets aggravating.
     
  2. amylase

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    i understand why you are angry. my stepmother liked to say "so when you like boys again..". it is completely understandable to frustrated and really shut off from family who does this.
    but i think the most important thing here is to understand and then educate. i think you telling your grandpa about the non-cheating relationships was good, but make sure you understand where he is coming from. at the end of the day, this man probably hasn't heard the word biphobic before. he is trying to best understand and support your bisexuality, which you said he has. now he just has stereotypes of bi people in his mind, which is to be expected from someone his age, or even people in general. i don't think you can be angry at him. i think you can be angry at the stereotypes and use his openness as a chance to defeat those stereotypes. don't let this ruin good relationships you have.
    i can guarantee you that i know your frustration, but patience is key. different family members will prove their own issues, but remember, you didn't choose your family, so if they don't choose to accept you, nothing is saying they have a right to affect you. your parents have changed, it is possible for your grandpa to understand through education, and possibly your other family. just remember we don't need to keep anyone too involved in our lives if they do not have a positive effect.
    best of luck with him :slight_smile:
     
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  3. johndeere3020

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    Remember, grandpas come from a whole different time in society. Some are just stuck in their beliefs and come from the "if it's on their mind it comes out generation" no matter how bad it hurts the other person. Have patients with him.
     
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  4. Love4Ever

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    I am sorry. :frowning2: People can be very ignorant of what they don't understand. Older people especially, seem to struggle with this because they grew up in a different time, (not that that is any excuse for him hurting you by saying that.) I am sure he loves you, he is your grandfather and he wants you to be happy. It may just take him sometime to wrap his head around all of this, and later I am sure he will realize he said some things he didn't mean and will feel bad about that. Just keep being you and he will see he was wrong.
     
  5. Kyrielles

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    I agree 100%. It's the time period and miseducation from that time period. I'm sure he'll come around and you can educate him on the subject a little better.