My girlfriend is being bullied because of me

Hi everyone I’m new here and having a tough time.
I’ve been transitioning for 11 years and consider myself fully transitioned - medically, legally etc.
Recently, somebody (I don’t know who, though) must have been deep stalking me because some really old photos of me pre-transition have somehow been leaked all over social media, not only dead-naming me, but tagging me in these public posts somehow!? I swear I deleted all of these photos YEARS AGO, and shut down all my old accounts from “before”.
I don’t think I have any enemies? Well, clearly I do! But I never would have thought I would? I don’t really get into fights with people if I’m honest.

I have been with my current girlfriend for several months now, and she is actually my first girlfriend since I’ve transitioned. I had terrible luck dating until I met her due to being transgender.
She knows I’m trans, and she completely supports and loves me just as I am. I couldn’t ask for a better woman to share my life with. I want to marry her one day.
But now that this has happened, she is even being targeted.
She’s been through a lot in her life, and as a result she’s become pretty tough, so she wasn’t really too affected by it at first, but now the abuse is constant. It’s all done on anonymous and fake pages.
We keep blocking and reporting. We have both kept a record of everything and will be reporting this to the cops if it continues.
We don’t bother to respond to these people/this person, but that doesn’t seem to be stopping them.
As much as she’s trying to stay strong, I can tell it’s getting to her, and I feel like this is all my fault.
She doesn’t deserve this kind of harassment and abuse. She’s done nothing wrong.
It breaks my heart to even say this, but I have been wondering if I should break up with her, only and purely because I don’t feel like she deserves the abuse she’s getting because of her relationship with me.
It hurts to see her go through all of this again. She’s had a really tough life, all her life, and has been bullied and abused enough her entire life. I have too, but maybe I on some level deserve it. She doesn’t.
I just can’t believe somebody would out me like that, or why? Or who!?

I love my girlfriend so much. What should I do?

 

Thank you,

Possibly? I say possibly because no threats have been made (yet), but it is all harassment, stalking and very obvious hate speech.
I'm in Canada and where I live it’s usually taken pretty seriously by police, but I’m just not sure if we have much of a case yet?

 

Actually she did have an abusive ex boyfriend many, many years ago, but he is in prison in the UK where she’s originally from (she emigrated here a few years ago) for multiple reasons!
Also she changed her name upon moving so I highly doubt it’s her they’re targeting.
Also this person knows my deadname, which is nothing even close to my name now. Unfortunately their issue appears to solely be with me. They’ve just dragged her into it, bullying her for being a *insert homophobic slang word for ‘lesbian’ here*, amongst other things, purely for being with me.

I can’t think who would be out to get me at all?
We will definitely go to police.
They also found out the name of the hospital where I work and have tagged them in these posts too. I found out after I was called in to speak to Human Resources and they informed me of it. Thankfully my work are all super supportive and they already knew anyway. But still, I think this person/people intended to get me fired too!
It’s just insane.

 

Thank you for your replies,
We have spoken to the police, they gave us an email address to forward all of the screenshots and other digital/photo evidence and links to these fake accounts to, because at the moment we’re on a province-wide stay at home order (again ) so they didn’t want to come out unnecessarily.

We got a call back within about 4/5 hours, telling us that they’ve managed to locate the owner of the accounts already, and will be physically going to speak to ‘the individual in question’ this afternoon (they must have already done that because the individual is now messaging me, begging not to press charges!). The police asked if I wanted to know who it was. I did. I’m seriously shocked because it’s someone I know vaguely from work, but don’t really associate with that much.
Apparently she did it because she ‘liked me’. That makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever though!? As I say, I hardly know her! You don’t potentially endanger someone you ‘like’ and try to get them fired too, anyway? She’d probably harass my girlfriend, maybe, if she’s jealous of her or whatever, but overall it just makes no sense at all. I’m not buying that excuse. We were asked if we wanted to press charges and we’ve said we’ll think about it.
She’s been ordered not to contact us again, and police have already told her that what she’s done is both illegal and dangerous. However, like I said, she has contacted me again in the last hour, begging me not to press charges, that she’s sorry etc.
This woman is 30 years old - the same age as me. She should know better! It isn’t like she’s completely clueless as to what she did. She knew. I don’t believe her reasoning for doing it either! You don’t potentially endanger someone you supposedly ‘have a crush on’!?
The transphobic and homophobic stuff she was spewing was so vile!
Also, I can’t forgive what she’s put my girlfriend through (again!) either.
She didn’t deserve that!
I’m so confused and angry at this woman. I just do not understand it at all!

 

Thanks both!
Yeah we already reported the further contact too. We still haven’t engaged with her; she didn’t stop even though neither of us responded to her.
I think they arrested her this evening? I’m not sure what’s going to happen next, they said they’d keep us updated.
We won’t be bullied off of social media though; my girlfriend has relatives back in the UK she still stays in touch with and they use Facebook (her settings are friends only, as are mine) to message and keep each other updated.
I also have family in other parts of my province that I can’t easily get to, who I also like to keep updated on things, too. So I don’t exactly want to remove myself just because of one deranged bully!
It would be cutting off my support network, and that of my girlfriend’s, too.
But yeah, we’ve reported her for trying to get us not to press charges. So I guess we just have to wait and see what happens now...?

I feel so awful that my girlfriend was dragged into this. She just seems so down and deflated and exhausted by it all.
I know it’s partly my fault, and I want to make it better for her.

 

I completely agree that it’s garbage.
You don’t out someone you “like”, or send them and their partner transphobic/homophobic abuse and plaster old photos like that around the internet to humiliate and out them like that?!
This girl is not well, clearly.
We are pressing charges and I’ve now had to make my workplace aware of everything.
They’re super nice there and they’re very understanding and supportive, so I hope they don’t think I’m trying to cause trouble or anything. I’ve never had any trouble at work before, ever. I just wish I knew what to do about my girlfriend, I know she’s trying to stay strong for my sake, but I caught a glimpse of her breaking down over the phone to one of her girl friends yesterday evening and it just broke me.
Feel like this is all my fault. She doesn’t deserve this either.

 

I wish I could help it, but something in my mind is telling me that if she wasn’t with “someone like me”, then this may not have happened. She moved here and her life became more peaceful, she was finally healing and then this happened.

She already has a therapist, I really don’t have the time for therapy - I work long hours as a nurse, and I don’t feel I need it anyway, personally. My mental health is otherwise pretty good considering.
I used to have therapy years ago, but I got to a pretty good place in my life and my girlfriend has only made that even better.
I can get over this, but I’m not so sure she can. That’s why I’m wondering if I should let her go? Because I love her so much, I hate to see her go through this kind of thing again.
I’m pretty thick skinned, and she is usually too, but I’m guessing this must’ve triggered awful memories for her. She’s a lot more shaken than I am. I’m angry and upset, she’s genuinely afraid I think.

 

By the way, I’m not looking for excuses to get rid of her or anything (a “friend” accused me of that already! ), it’s just that I really hate seeing her being targeted like this too, just because she’s with me. She didn’t sign up for this.
Her most recent ex was a cisgender man, and whilst they didn’t work out, at least she never had any of this drama with him.