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My friend...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by OtherMe, Sep 14, 2017.

  1. OtherMe

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    Just done 3 posts in quick succession aha. So basically just wondering what your guys take is on this scenario with my best friend who I fell in love with, sorry it's very long.

    So when I first joined high school, I had this desire to be mates with this boy cause at the time I just thought he was cool, then over time I began to realise it was a kind of attraction and started to realise I was bi. During that first year (not sure if you guys will know this site) but ask.fm became popular and I asked him if he ever thought he was gay(obviously asked as anon) to which he said sometimes he did but knew he wasn't. Anyway by the start of my second year we'd stopped really being friends. Then 3 years later he happened to be in almost all my classes, we again became mates and then by the next year even better mates. I remember every morning he or I would sit and wait for the other to arrive off the bus and we also used to do this thing where we'd lean in for a kiss as a joke and then back out when we got too close. Over the year we became best mates and when I stayed round his house I used to try and sleep (as in actually sleep) in his bed and stuff. Then during that summer I didn't see him for most of it but when we met up for a festival at the end we slept in the same tent and he'd often sit on my lap cause there weren't enough camp chairs; we even held hands sometimes when walking around the festival but the kissy/lean thing stopped ahah. Then my 6th year started. To begin with all was normal but with us having made some more mates he and those guys started to drift away from me(made some post on this before) anyway I talked to him about it and basically got included again. We talked all the time still and slept round each other's and things. Then on NY when we were lying next to each other I told him I loved him and he told me he loved me too. But then after that (probably seeing as no one we know is gay) we didn't say anything about it. Over the second half of that school year we joined a large friend group and started to talk less and less privately and he told me he felt like I was always trying to have small talk with him (which is surely what friends do sometimes when you just want to talk with them for the sake of talking??) and said stop the small talk it's not like we're in a relationship (which fair enough were not aha) then we had a small fall out over something and when I asked him if we could talk about some stuff he just told me he didn't want to discuss anything because there was nothing to discuss. A lot of the girls we know have told me they think he's changed and seems really different to how he used to be and that he's more rude. He's also started smoking weed, something he always used to call me stupid for doing whenever I did it. Now this year (7th year and last) I feel like we're still good mates but he just seems less friendly, more passive and we talk a lot less or when we do he's abrupt with me. Now when people tell me he's different I just don't want to talk about it cause I feel like I'll come across as too attached if I care because he seemingly doesn't see anything as having changed. He's also started hanging out with one of our mates a lot more now, like they're at each other's houses and go to town together whilst I won't be invited (obviously he can have other mates just saying like this is that we used to do a lot of together.). Now whenever I see him I feel like I shouldn't go over and talk always cause I'll annoy him and get this vibe that he no longer likes me as much. My biggest issue? I fell I love with him 7 years ago when I was 12 and then when he reappeared in my life at 15 I've had a constant crush, and if we continue to become distant I genuinely don't know what I'll do because he was such a good friend. I don't care if he isn't bi or gay or whatever I just don't want to lose him as a friend.
    That's pretty much our relationshipped summed up.
    Sorry it was long for those who read it, just looking for thoughts/opinions or tips.
     
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  2. Dylan1357

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    Hi, well I think this sounds pretty cute if you don't mind me saying and you are going to have to get him alone and talk to him don't be afraid to hold anything back ask him "why have you been avoiding me?"and if that doesn't work (maybe) try to make him feel a little guilty say something like "I think we should talk about what happened on NY because ive been thinking about it and it's confusing!" Or "Ever since the thing that happened on NY you've been acting weird I wish I never said anything!" That might work, give it a try but don't put too much pressure on him. :thumbsup:
     
  3. OtherMe

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    Hmm issue is that was a long time ago, over 9 months ago aha and I also tried to speak to him about avoiding me and he said he didn't want to talk cause he doesn't think he is...
     
  4. Dylan1357

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    Really well this is pretty complicated, I find it hard to help you really because we are completely different people if i were in your position and my friend was blatantly avoiding and have someone kind of take my place I'd cut them out and find a new friend.

    But I see you want it to work out and you want him back so all I can think of is just keep talking to him if it seems weird just act like it's not and keep talking. But sorry if that's a crap solution because I can't think of anything else. Good luck though :thumbsup:
     
  5. OtherMe

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    Thanks and idk what's really going on, seem to be getting further apart, haven't spoken all week and we see each other every day...
     
  6. Dylan1357

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    You will be fine maybe he's going through something a realisation on who he is and he doesn't understand just give him time. That's all I can think of.