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My friend seems interested in me

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ellyy, Jan 11, 2017.

  1. ellyy

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    I quickly became friends with this guy I've been talking to for a short time and even though he hasn't outright said it, it's clear that he's interested in me. For example, he flirts with me and gives (not always so) subtle hints here and there and it all makes me very uncomfortable since I absolutely don't feel the same way and never could.

    Thing is, I still want to remain friends with him but at this point it seems like we're only talking so that something beyond friendship will happen between us in the future. It's like we're (or he is, rather) building up to that.

    I really need advice on how to handle this situation because I just keep getting sucked deeper and deeper into it. :icon_sad:
     
  2. mlansing

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    Do you have a clear sense of your orientation? If you're a lesbian, for instance, you can try to sneak that into the conversation at some point and try to passively communicate that you're not interested in anything more than friendship with him. Then again, I've known guys who have still pursued girls even after they found out she was a lesbian :/
     
  3. ellyy

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    I only know that I'm either bisexual or lesbian. The tricky thing is that either way I'm in the closet and really don't feel comfortable with coming out to him. Thankfully he doesn't seem like the kind of person who would continue pursuing someone even after he's been rejected by them -- so that probably wouldn't be an issue.
    But so far, he thinks I'm straight and I'd like it to stay that way.. :icon_sad:
     
  4. Creativemind

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    Be VERY blunt with him. Say you are not interested. If he asks why, repeat. I would advise against vague rejections like "I'm not interested in a relationship right now" as it can lead men on into thinking they can keep trying and waiting until you change you mind. If you are blunt and honest from the start, he is likely to get the picture fast. You don't need to be rude about the rejection, just be to the point about it and explain that you still like him as a friend.

    I kind of disagree that you should tell him you're a lesbian. Even if you weren't closeted, a lot of guys take that as a challenge and can lead into sexual harassment or even rapist like behavior. He probably isn't that type of guy, but it can be very dangerous if you don't know how the guy reacts.
     
  5. ellyy

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    I agree that it's important to be blunt but thing is, he hasn't even confessed to me yet so I can't just out of the blue "reject" him. That's why I'm thinking I should do it in a more subtle way or something. I'm honestly lost for ideas which is why I made this thread to begin with heh.
     
  6. Creativemind

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    Ok, that changes the situation. You could always hint that you view him as a great friend or even "bro". Or if you don't want to come out, you can always hint about other men that you prefer.
     
  7. ellyy

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    Yeah, that's a good idea. Telling him that I'm interested in someone else might work.

    Thanks!