1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

My friend says she's attracted to guys but thinks that guys and penises are gross?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Foxywolf, Apr 16, 2012.

  1. Foxywolf

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2011
    Messages:
    624
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York State, near Rochester
    Gender:
    Female
    My friend says she's attracted to guys but thinks that guys and penises are gross?
    My friend says she's straight, she has a boyfriend and says she is attracted to guys, but in our whole conversation she just kept saying how she thinks that guys are icky. She said she ran out of the room the first time she saw her boyfriend naked. She also thinks penises are gross.
    Is this normal for a straight person? Is she straight? Maybe a little asexual? She said that she thinks girls are more aesthetically pleasing but isn't attracted to them. She thought it was a universal thing to think that muscular guys are lumpy and icky. And not just the penis part of guys. She does say she loves her boyfriend. But I sometimes wonder if she is somehow tricking herself into thinking she's straight. I know I should not want to put a label on it but I'm just confused :/
     
  2. The Escapist

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2011
    Messages:
    2,784
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kentucky, U.S.
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Re: My friend says she's attracted to guys but thinks that guys and penises are gross

    She could just be a bit repulsed, or a bit asexual. Or of course she could be in denial, but I would just take her at her word. I'm attracted to guys but penises are pretty damn gross, and I don't particularly have much desire to have sex with them. I'm gray-A, so that's how I personally explain myself. I don't know why I'm wired this way, but it is what it is. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  3. Zaio

    Zaio Guest

    Re: My friend says she's attracted to guys but thinks that guys and penises are gross

    Well being a guy I cannot say how females think on this matter, but I can definitely say I do not think penises are gross, never have, never will.

    She may just be a little aseuxal, we're naturally made to be attracted to a sex in order to reproduce, of course somewhere along the lines this goes wrong for us gays/lesbians/bi, but genitals comes with that attraction. So, it is possible she may be a little/asexual.

    Just incase I offended anyone by that "of course somewhere along the lines this goes wrong for us gays/lesbians/bi," I mean being attracted to the opposite sex, not that being queer is wrong.

    All the best.
     
  4. PurpleCrab

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2012
    Messages:
    1,145
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sherbrooke, QC Canada
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Re: My friend says she's attracted to guys but thinks that guys and penises are gross

    I agree with your friend; penises are gross LOL

    But hey, that's fine. It's just a matter of what does it for her and what doesn't (the better you know what does it for you, the easiest it is).

    I'm a bisexual guy though, as in, I'm attracted by some men, sometimes. But I'm strongly repelled by what you call your typical man; muscles, hair, smell, and so on. Luckily, not all men are like that, some are quite slender, hairless and gentle and actually smell good.
    Plus, your friend doesn't have to love the penis to love the man. I've been surprised when I stumbled on a study a long time ago as to how many heterosexual married women actually disliked penises. If I remember where I found it I would link you to it, but it's surprisingly high!

    So I hope I helped! :slight_smile:
     
  5. Foxywolf

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2011
    Messages:
    624
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York State, near Rochester
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: My friend says she's attracted to guys but thinks that guys and penises are gross

    Haha thanks guys, but it's not only penises she said she didn't like. She just kept saying how she thought guys were 'iky' she said they were smelly and hairy and gross (I'm sorry if this offends anyone). We talked about how girls did smell nice. And she also does not like how lumpy and muscular guys are. She said that the female curves were much nicer to look at, and she thought that everyone felt this way.

    I asked if she felt grossed out about her boyfriend, and she said kind of at first. I know I cannot tap into what she really feels, only she knows that, but I just don't want her to live her life in a straight relationship if that is not what she is, and she could find more happiness elsewhere yunno? I want her life choices to make her as happy as possible.
     
  6. Zaio

    Zaio Guest

    Re: My friend says she's attracted to guys but thinks that guys and penises are gross

    Well it's possible she may be a closetted lesbian, or yes an asexual.

    Being gay, I find penises very attractive, I LOVE the smell of a typical man, and absolutely love hairy guys, not too hairy but groomed, short head hair though, and only stubble as a beard. I love the form of males, I love the way the shoulders are broad, how bumby and muscles their arms and legs are/can be, the (generally speaking) broader face, strong, think and stable body etc etc.

    Straight females and gay men are generally attracted to a mans smell due to pheramones, I think if your friend really doesn't like anything about the male form then she is not exactly straight.
     
  7. cheshire

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2012
    Messages:
    43
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Far in Europe
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Re: My friend says she's attracted to guys but thinks that guys and penises are gross

    Maybe she's not attracted to masculine guys. There's plenty of different looking guys, not all of them are ""lumpy ,masculine and have bad smell".
    Oh and how she feels about connecting with males emotionally?
     
    #7 cheshire, Apr 16, 2012
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2012
  8. Foxywolf

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2011
    Messages:
    624
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York State, near Rochester
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: My friend says she's attracted to guys but thinks that guys and penises are gross

    Yeah maybe that's it. It just sounded rather bizzarre to me and the last think I want for her is for her to turn out to be not straight and find out when she is in her 30's or 40's I want to make sure that she is sure what she is without actually pushing her, I guess I just want her to think about it, and I think that's what she is probably doing after our conversation last night.

    But it really doesn't matter to me what she is, I just want her to be completely happy in the decisions she makes. Yunno what I mean.

    But yeah I see what you guys are saying, I think she does seem a little bit asexual and that's what I told her.
    Thanks a bunch everyone.
    So do you think there is anything I should do to make sure she's sure? Because I felt kind of bad, in the middle of our conversation last night she was like, "Im so confused!!" So I want to know if there is anything I should do? >.<
     
  9. PurpleCrab

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2012
    Messages:
    1,145
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sherbrooke, QC Canada
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Re: My friend says she's attracted to guys but thinks that guys and penises are gross

    A tip to make sure she's sure? Not sure that's even a good idea... that's kind or pressuring isn't it?
    A good tip I can give you is to try and help to make her feel better about her being confused. She may remain confused for a long time, and she may feel distressed about it but she could also feel Ok about it. You can help her feel Ok.
    If I were you I'd show her how many people aren't sure of their orientation and are living just fine with that. What matters is she loves her boyfriend and that she's happy now; it also matters that whatever happens in the future you're still there sticking by her.

    Knowing that she has a good friend for a long time will make her feel better
     
  10. Lewis

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2012
    Messages:
    2,983
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Re: My friend says she's attracted to guys but thinks that guys and penises are gross

    Some penises ARE gross. I don't think she necessarily has to see a penis to have enjoyable sex with a guy, it doesn't have to be all up in her face or anything.

    I know a few girls that have had strippers for their birthdays and screamed when the guy got naked, I think it's pretty normal. Some girls are just a little nervous when it comes to those things. It could even be a phobia...some people are scared of buttons, clowns and spiders - so I think it's possible for someone to be scared of a penis.

    It's called 'Phallophobia' apparently.
     
  11. lilbitlost

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2012
    Messages:
    330
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Re: My friend says she's attracted to guys but thinks that guys and penises are gross

    Heh well for 10 years ive thought i was toally straight, just couldnt really explain why i didnt really enjoy sex very often and why sometimes i found men to be utterly repulsive. Its only now ive stopped and gone 'maybe i just dont like guys?', thing is ive never felt particularly attracted to women either, but ive only just stopped to consider it all. I'm not sure what i am yet, i just know that i don't like men and thats ok. So i guess the best thing you can do is to be supportive, but new perspectives can also help.
     
  12. Re: My friend says she's attracted to guys but thinks that guys and penises are gross

    I would say maybe don't push her to figure out what she is. I know it's confusing to watch, but sometimes people are not ready to face/figure out their sexuality. (It took me from the time I was fourteen to the time I was twenty to do it) If sexuality is her issue, she might have to come to it in her own time.
     
  13. Farouche

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2012
    Messages:
    477
    Likes Received:
    0
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Re: My friend says she's attracted to guys but thinks that guys and penises are gross

    The AVEN website <http://www.asexuality.org/home/> has some helpful information for people who are asexual/demisexual/questioning. Have a look.
     
  14. lilbitlost

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2012
    Messages:
    330
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Re: My friend says she's attracted to guys but thinks that guys and penises are gross

    Thanks for the link it made for an interesting read :slight_smile: I don't think im asexual though as i def have sexual desires, i just don't want men lol :icon_bigg
     
  15. super confused

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2012
    Messages:
    425
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Connecticut
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Re: My friend says she's attracted to guys but thinks that guys and penises are gross

    I am kind of like your friend. I'm bisexual, so I am attracted to guys, but penises absolutely terrify the ever-living crap out of me (okay, that's an exaggeration, but you get it). I also have no desire for sex with a man, but I do have that desire for a woman. The point being: your friend might be bisexual with exclusively-male asexuality. And it is possible that she is tricking herself or deluding herself into thinking that she's straight. But, if she doesn't find guys sexually attracted at all, and she doesn't find females sexually attractive at all, then she could be asexual. But it really doesn't sound like your friend is 100% straight.
     
  16. Pret Allez

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2012
    Messages:
    16,110
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Re: My friend says she's attracted to guys but thinks that guys and penises are gross

    I can relate. I think used to think penii were mostly gross, but now I just find them intimidating... :confused:
     
  17. kyle 1

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2012
    Messages:
    143
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Santa Rosa, CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Re: My friend says she's attracted to guys but thinks that guys and penises are gross

    I've heard this before. I've seen many stories of girls who think penises are gross and at the same time they said they were straight. And not as commonly, I have heard of straight guys being grossed out by vagina's. People just have their preferences.

    I'm not sure about others, but I'm not grossed out by vagina's at all, even having sex with a girl doesn't repulse me. Is it just me?
     
  18. cathode

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2015
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Belfast
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Re: My friend says she's attracted to guys but thinks that guys and penises are gross

    I agree with Lewis, as a heterosexual woman, it is possible to really like some penises and loathe others!
     
  19. Jase26

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2015
    Messages:
    72
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Birmingham UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Re: My friend says she's attracted to guys but thinks that guys and penises are gross

    Some penis's are just natutally better looking than others.. Maybe the ones she's seen just so happen be of the more ugly variety..